The Grand Adventure

The Grand Adventure

Last year, I was completely, totally stunned when my then-OMS III husband talked about making away rotations a family affair, instead of a Daddy-leaves-for-two-months-while-Mama-holds-down-the-fort thing.

Certainly away rotations of varying kinds, especially sub-Is are not unheard of in the medical community. (For those who are unfamiliar, sub-Is are audition rotations at hospitals/with residency programs a student is interested in Matching with. They are great for giving the applicant a real taste -- for better or for worse -- of what a program is like (and vice versa), how they mesh with the residents and faculty, and can even be the source of helpful letters of recommendation.) Most of the time, though, it seems to mean splitting up the family for a period of time.

Since I was staying home with our daughter, and since my husband is a family man first and foremost, he wanted us to come with him. It took some convincing, but I agreed to go for two months, no more. I thought that was enough time to sacrifice being without my safety net at home. He set up rotations in St. Louis in July and Denver in August. We started working on travel plans and finding housing.

Then, he was offered a spot in October at his first choice (on paper) program in Wichita, coming off a wait list. We accepted without hesitation.

In the end, we were on the road three out of four months at the beginning of his 4th year. We called it our Grand Adventure. This is how we did it:

• We traveled "light," by stuffing our large sedan to the brim with a suitcase each, plus one for the baby, an umbrella stroller, a pack-n-play, and as many baby supplies, toys and books as we could slip into the empty spaces. Okay, maybe not so light.
• We shared a car. Depending on the rotation, hospital, and hours, one or two days a week, I would drop him off at the hospital and pick him up when he was done. Those days gave me a chance to explore the city, run errands, and feel a bit of freedom (and sanity). The other days, the baby and I stayed home, took walks, explored our neighborhoods, and did chores.
• We found short-term rentals on Craigslist by posting in the housing wanted section. While neither (we stayed at a friend's home in one city) was an ideal situation, both worked out. We have some great memories from them! We also trolled the rental section, and had a couple of leads come out of there. Especially in the summer, people are interested in sub-leasing while they will be away. In every situation, we had more space than we would have had in an extended-stay hotel for a lower price. 
• We were able to keep our place at home, thanks to a large tax return, but we'd have found a way to make things work without it.
• We got restaurant and entertainment recommendations from the residents where my husband was rotating. Some were real hits. Some were misses. But it was a fun way to feel more in touch with the city. We made a point of enjoying the sights of a city, going to the zoo or a museum or on a day trip on days off. We also played at local parks, walked local neighborhoods, and tried to be part of the local community, even if for a short time.
• Because we are Catholic, a highlight of our trip was trying local parishes, visiting the Cathedrals, and getting a feel for the Church community of the area. I would imagine that this would be adaptable for people of a variety of faith backgrounds.

In addition to helping my husband land at a residency program we're truly excited about, we grew so much as a family through traveling together. I also gained a ton of confidence in my adaptability. Going into the Match, I was confident that we would be okay -- thrive even -- wherever we ended up.

 

Most importantly, we were able to love and support each other in the best way we knew how -- by being together.

Bio: Ashley Armstrong is a stay-at-home mom to a 22 month old girl and a 7 week old boy. As of June 6, she will be the wife of an actual doctor. She blogs about it all at www.coffeehappens.blogspot.com .

Residency Roundup: Run A Match

Last Tuesday was DrH's residency program's final interview day for the entering 2014 class!  I was able to attend their applicant dinner that evening and met six of the interviewees.  I was impressed by their kindness and hope them each a successful match.

The feelings that surface during this time of anticipation, pressure, chaos, excitement... are exhausting, and I empathize with each applicant.  This year, more than the previous two, has me on edge for the match.  This is mainly due to the fact my Brother-in-law is eligible for the 2014 match, which could send/assign my sister and her family anywhere!

I'm sure many of you MS4 families are having to explain over and over again what exactly is 'the Match'. While reading the nrmp.org site I found the following information helpful.

• The Matching Process- a general synopsis. 
• Run a Match- a document describing the process of algorithm that matches each MS4 and residency spot.  My family would have found this interesting during our match...and would have saved them from hearing my simplified analogies;)

Here are some important dates to have marked on your calendar (if not already!):
February 26, 2014- Rank Order List Deadline.  Must complete and certify your list by 9:00pm ET.  Three years ago we decided to put a preliminary list in the system to avoid any last minute computer glitches and then updated the list with minor changes the day or two before the cutoff.

• Interesting facts on Rank Order List Length. 
• My previous post that outlined our match list. 

March 17, 2014- Matched?!? Applicants receive notification of a successful match!  Or the beginning of the SOAP process for unmatched MS4 students.

March 21, 2014- MATCH DAY!!  www.nrmp.org even asks for pictures of the 'Match Face'!   Make contact with your program director or residency coordinators to show your excitement!  Congratulations!

If your DrH has previously match and you have any pearls of wisdom please share!
Best of Luck!!
Cami

Med School Madness

 The Q and A. Part 2.

(Finally)

A long time ago, in what feels like a galaxy far away, before yet another move and other things on the way, I wrote a little blog post about the lives of several Student Dr. Wives.  It was great fun to ask the LDW girls a few questions and more fun still to read their well thought out responses.  If you are interested in reading that post, you can find it here (http://doctorwives.blogspot.com/2013/06/med-school-madness-theq-and-part-1.html).  That was part one; today I am finishing up that conversation.  In the first post, we talked about some of the shared realities of medical school and what it’s like to be the partner of those who attend medical schools all over the US.  We talked about adjusting to MS, finances, study time and such.  Today, I’d like to finish by posting about some of the emotional matters of being the partner of a medical student.  Again, I’d like to thank Jessie, Tabatha, Jennifer, Rachel, Amanda, Mia and Margaret whose answers made these posts much better than anything I could have done on my own.  I wish you could read all their responses. These ladies are far more gifted as story tellers and writers than I can ever be.  They should tell their own stories and I hope they can guest post  but until that time comes, thank you ladies for allowing me to share your answers.  Thank you!

Now then, let’s get started.

First question, I can’t be the only worrier.  What worries you now about your Student Dr?

Jessie- Getting through Step 1 and away rotations. His first rotation, starting July 1, will take him about 90 minutes away for three months. It’s going to be tough.

Tabatha- My hubby has already begun to worry about the dreaded "L" word. Lawsuit. He does not handle rejection or failure well. I worry about how he is already concerned about this in ways he shouldn't be (stressed out, losing sleep, etc)

Margaret- I’m definitely concerned about how residency will impact our fledgling marriage. Quality time is important to both of us and I think it will be hard to start our marriage in a new city at the same time DrH starts residency. I think we will both learn a lot about flexibility and generosity in these first few years!

Rachel- Time management and the hectic scheduling of fourth year. I feel like there's so many things he will be juggling at once, away rotations during applying for residency, traveling again for step 2, traveling for interviews. He is not a person who "stops" when there's something else he can do. He just keeps going and going until there is nothing left on his to-do list. That has worked thus far and got him a long ways during the lecture years, but now he is going to have to learn how to sleep when things are left undone until tomorrow.

As you look back, is there one thing you wish you had done differently? AND/OR what are some things you got right?

Tabatha- I know a lot of couples have kids before or during medical school but I am so glad we decided to wait to have kids. I feel like it took a huge stress off us. It was a hard decision to make (we both REALLY want kids) but I'm glad we decided to wait to start a family.

Margaret- Being flexible and making the most of the time we did have together, even when our schedules conflicted and limited that time.

Amanda- I have become a much more flexible person and learned a lot about myself.  I also made some of the best friends of my life with the Spouses Organization.  

Jessie- I am SO glad I went to law school. It is definitely possible to go back to school after kids are grown, but it seems like a much harder road than getting all the education you want and getting some experience under your belt before starting a family. I only wish both of us could have gone straight through; a year off between college and law school for me and three years off for my husband before medical school have delayed the possibility of starting a family.

Rachel- I wish we would have moved into a smaller place after we got married. I also think the sooner you can look at the true picture of finances in the many years to come, the better. I think waiting to start a family (was the right decision), even though that wasn't our original plan. It is a highly personal decision but going into a surgical specialty after medical school, we have eight years at a minimum until DrH will be out of training

As you look forward, what are some of your goals personally and as a couple who belong to the medical community?

Tabatha-My goals personally are to find a job that will allow me to be home more. As a couple we hope to just keep up what we're doing and make it through this crazy journey. Eventually, (after residency) we hope to end up back in Oregon where hubby can practice for a few years and then return to his school as faculty.

Margaret-We are hoping to start our family soon, so we will be striving to nurture our young marriage and cultivate a strong, loving home environment for our children while juggling the stresses of medical training.  As a couple, we feel very strongly that it is important to develop relationships within our community and to support doctors and medical couples who are younger in their training.  We hope to be a light to our community just as others have been lights to us.

Amanda-Our goals are to get a residency in our home state, with the full knowledge that we may end up a million miles away.  We’d like to have kids, a house and may be more cats. The future is exciting!

Rachel- To stay involved and be humble and stay anonymous. We want to give to the causes we choose and make an impact through volunteering, and then go on our merry way and enjoy the little time we have with our family together.

Jessie-I’d like for us to be more than just a doctor and his wife. That is, I don’t want my husband defined only by his job title, and I certainly don’t want to be defined as only an extension of him and his job title. That’ll be tough in our society, which is dragging its knuckles on the path to gender equality, and particularly in my religious community, where I am often asked first what my husband does, rather than what I do. If, at some point, I am a stay-at-home mom, I intend to wear that badge with honor, and I hope to contribute even the tiniest bit to an increase in society’s respect for the work mothers do. I can’t contribute that way if I allow myself to be defined as a “doctor’s wife.” I guess, essentially, I want both of us to preserve and proclaim our individual identities rather than being content to nestle into the boxes people will no doubt try to shove us into.   

Secondly, I hope we can hang onto our material perspective. I grew up in extreme poverty (extreme for the United States, that is), and my husband comes from simple means as well. I hear a lot of my colleagues and a lot of doctors’ families lament how little money they make and how hard it is to stretch their six-figure incomes (talking about after residency, clearly), and I fear falling into the same jaded mindset. No idea how we’ll instill the right perspective in offspring who, when asked, will have to answer that their parents are a doctor and a lawyer. Any advice there would be greatly appreciated.

Lastly, since our purpose at LDW is to support the medical spouse, I asked the girls share about a person who has encouraged them through the medical journey aside from their spouse. 

The unanimous response was that other medical wives get it.  They make a huge difference.  All those who answered stated that another MS girl has been just what the doctor ordered.  GO US! Jessie did bring up her puppy.  For her, her pup was a gift during the lonely times and Rachel had this to say:

“I have met many other significant others and spouses of medical students, but it wasn't until I found the right one who became a great friend almost instantly as soon as we started hanging out, that I found someone that could travel the road through medical training with me. Having someone to talk to who understand without judgment is HUGE. No one else will outside of this, nor should we expect them to. As we will never understand truly what someone else's spouse goes through in their field. It's great to have someone to call on those long days DrH is in surgery or on call, who is newly married with the time constraints our spouses have, who can share their insight on setting up housing for away rotations or finding the best deals for flights for interviews. If you meet someone who can truly go through this experience with you, it will be hard not to come out on the other side friends for life.”

Thank you all for reading and checking out our blog. I learned a ton from doing this post.  I was reminded how import support is during the medical school years and how fast the time truly goes by.  This journey is temporary, it’s best to remember whatever trouble you see today will soon pass away.  If you don’t have a medical friend yet, hang in there and come visit our FB group, many of us are getting the encouragement and the advice we need in there.  Until next time!

Med School Madness

The Q and A … Part 1

A while back I read a blog post that reminded of me of how uniquely awesome we all are. Specifically, medical school wives. We are all on the same road but we are experiencing it differently. I wanted to write about those experiences so I enlisted the help of several women whose husbands are in medical school or just finished. They are all in different stages so I was really excited to ask them a few questions. I sent out the same questions to all of them and I received wonderful responses. As I got back answers I started to see a theme forming. All of them value a positive and flexible attitude. Professionally, they are a diverse group. This group of girls include a flight attendant, volunteers, nannies, a writer and editor and wives whose work is now at home.

In this post I will concentrate on a few practical realities of medical school wives. I will share their responses on finances and their lifestyle as a medical school family.

The contributors* to these posts are Tabatha and Jennifer whose husbands are now done with MSII and are preparing for STEP 1. Rachel and Amanda whose Student Dr. H completed MSIII.. Lastly, Mia and Margaret are currently celebrating the completion of MSIV, my congratulations to them and their husbands! What an exciting time.

Now, Lets get to their responses!

Q-Has your lifestyle as a medical family changed dramatically since the start of medical school or has it been more of the same?

A- Most of the girls who have been with their spouses since undergrad state that this is 'more of the same'. Those who feel differently are a bit non-traditional.

Amanda-Our lifestyle has definitely changed dramatically! We became a one income household and we moved very far away from home. I had to adjust to some culture shocks and start to accept that studying and catching up on sleep comes before anything else. She adds that most household issues are her responsibility.

Margeret- DrH is MD/PhD and we met during his last year of research, so he started MS4 about five months into our relationship. The med school months were definitely different from the research months, but it was good to get that experience! He also had tougher rotations toward the beginning of MS4, so by the time we hit the last few months, his schedule was pretty cushy and we got a lot of good time together as we prepared for our wedding!

Q- Many things during MS take an adjustment period. What are some things that took you by surprise and gave a moment or two to adjust?

A-

Jennifer- The competitive nature of med school and the hierarchy that exists between the different classes, and even the competitiveness between his classmates.

Tabatha-The biggest aspect of medical school that took me by surprise was the emotional toll it took on my husband. I knew it would be demanding mentally and very time consuming but I was completely unprepared for the emotional breakdowns my husband would have to endure. I felt helpless as I would try to support him without knowing how. You can only tell someone so many times it's all going to be okay before you yourself stop believing it. But eventually it DID get better. In fact, it got better than I would’ve ever imagined!

Rachel-Our first away rotation. It was technically a "rural rotation" his third year for family medicine, but it was a hard two weeks getting used to him being gone. It was a great trial run before what is to come: three months of back-to-back away rotations this summer.

Amanda-The amount of time required to study! I also think the studying and time constraints surprised me because we had both been out of college and in the work force for several years, so we were used to working hard, working double shifts, overtime, and holidays. It was more shocking than my spouse expected to become a professional student again! Never mind studying for Step I and Step II, I don't see him for weeks!

Mia- Tests! I wasn't prepared for the constant testing, studying for tests, “test weeks” and then boards, too.

Margaret-Learning to think of a scheduled shift as more like...guidelines. I got REALLY stressed out once because DrH was more than 90 minutes late coming home from the hospital and totally unreachable by phone/text. I actually drove from his house to the hospital to check for wrecks along the road. Of course, it turned out that he'd just been in a different room from his phone with a patient who was coding. I am a planner, so it took me a while to realize that shift times are not set in stone and to be more flexible with them.

Q-When I speak to pre-med couples, the topic most often discussed is finances. Is this subject a source of stress for your household or has it been surprisingly uneventful?

A-

Jennifer- The financial stress is always a current running underneath everything. I would say our biggest fights are sparked because of stress concerning finances. I know that we'll be able to pay back our loans, but it is hard to think about the amount of debt we are accumulating. She also notes is difficult to continually say 'no' to her kids on things they want but trust this is building good character in them.

Amanda-What a headache! My spouse has his first B.A. in Finance so we went into MS with a beautiful color coded excel spreadsheet...and to make a long story short...we no longer use said spreadsheet at all! The Spouses Organization set me up with a sponsor and she told me "don't worry about the money, the loans cover everything". And she was so right!

Mia- Our savings combined with student loans allowed us to comfortably cover all of the MSIV expenses while allowing me to stay home with our son and travel on interviews with my husband. We were careful with our money and planned for the future, which made finances (nearly) stress-free.

Most of the girls are awesome planners, most mentioned they live 'simply' and enjoy wise shopping and I was surprised at how much some of them enjoy spreadsheets and financial planning. Most also manage their household finances.

Q-Lastly, for those who transitioned from classroom to rotations in MS3, tell us what that is like?

Rachel- Rotations are a thousand times better than classroom! You will go on a new adventure every month. Your spouse will have a personality not laced with anxiety, again!

Amanda-For us the transition to clinic was AMAZING! We are now closer to home and not having the intense study schedule has led to a much happier and pleasant med student . As I sit here writing this evening everything is great.

Mia-My husband was much happier during rotations than he was in the classroom. This reflected in every aspect of life for us. He has always studied at home, so he wasn't around quite as much. But, there was much more quality home time during rotations.

I want to end this by sharing that although some things are very difficult most of the girls in this group expressed a positive view on medical school. I noticed the tone became a bit lighter when rotations in MS3 started. It's fair to point out that those who are done mentioned med school goes by fast and we should enjoy more and worry less but understand that is easier said than done. I want to thank Amanda, Tabatha, Rachel, Jennifer, Mia and Margaret for their contributions.

Don't forget this is the first part of this Q and A and next time on Med School Madness we will touch on friendships, what these girls worry in regards to their husband, a little on time management and goals. I'm excited to post that!

Thanks for reading!! :)

Judith

*While all these ladies are real, some of the names are not and they have been changed for privacy issues.

Away Rotations

For those of you still in medical school, I put together a post on my advice for away rotations. You can check it out here: Advice from a Doctor's Wife: Away Rotations.

For those of you MSIVs good luck - its a crazy, exciting and stressful year - but you will survive! Feel free to email me if you have any questions, would like any advice, or need to vent about applying to residency!

Rotation

My boyfriend is looking for a 2 week rotation in radiology in the Washington DC Metro Area. I wanted to pose the question of wheather anyone has done something in the area, knows a radiologist in the area they could set him up with, anything!!! We have been together 3 yrs and he have been long distance since he started Medical School a little over 2 years ago. We are looking to have him be here in DC with me for a little bit of time for his elective rotation!

all alone...

has anyone else ever lost their dr. h to an away rotation? mine is gone for the entire month (I'm in philly, he's in cleveland). if anyone has any good ideas on how to pass the time, that would be much appreciated! thanks.

Keepin' On Top of the Process

Can anyone offer any advice as to HOW TO SURVIVE the last year of med school?! My husband is away right now (and will be for the next three months) doing an audition rotation. While I get to talk to him every night, I'm finding it frustrating that we only chat for about ten minutes because he is so tired. I miss him so much, and I know he misses me. Also, I'm quite nervous about the whole match thing - it worries me to no end. He hasn't scheduled any interviews just yet, and is working on his online application, but I'm such an 'on top of everything' gal that it is hard for me to not constantly ask him if he has everything done. How can I survive?! Any words of wisdom would be ever-so appreciated! :)
Frantic in VA,
sHp

Bye bye daddy.

So all of you moms out there that have been through this, any advice on when daddy leaves for multiple weeks at a time on away rotations. Of course we'll try to talk daily- might actually work out well for the kids' bedtime with the time change- and we're thinking of getting a video camera for the computer and downloading Skype to have some video chats. Any other great ideas or just advice on how to survive as a temporary single mom?

2nd Response!

My husband got accepted for his second away rotation/sub-I (and this is the one I have been worried about because I know others had already been accepted)! And this program is kind of a long shot because it is such a good program but we figured our only chance (at matching there) would be if he got an away rotation to increase his chances - so its still a longshot, but I think rotating there will be beneficial. I am so excited for his away rotations I think they will be really good experience and he will be getting to do what he loves - surgery! I am gonna be a lonely but productive wife this fall since he will be gone for at least 8 weeks! Now we are just waiting to hear from one more program...

1 reply!

So my husband has submitted THREE applications for sub-internships (August, September, and October) and we finally heard from one of them! So my husband will at the very least be gone in October... hopefully we will hear on the other two sometime soon (although I know the September program just started reviewing applications today). I just wanted to share my excitement with someone!

1 Confirmed; 1 Still Awaiting Response

R got his July away rotation! It's his first choice of elective and time period for a program that I hear is very difficult/practically impossible to get into for residency unless you rotate there. So, while this by no means means that he'll match there, this was an important part of the equation.

So... Any tips for him or me? I know he'll need to get to know a lot of people and be well liked. Anything more specific?
Also, I will not be going with him; I have a job and a life here, after all! I'm not really worried about living without him here. I have friends coming in, finals happening, general enjoy-New-York-in-the-summer plans, so I'll be plenty busy. However, I do want to visit him for an extended weekend. I don't plan on getting to hang out with him too much as he will be busy networking while scrubbing in on surgeries, but beyond that, I'm not sure what to expect.

Yay! :)

...Now we just have to hear back about the one he's hoping to do for August...