Finding Happiness After a Disappointing Match

Match Day was years ago, but I still remember feeling my stomach drop when my husband read that he matched to the second-to-last program he ranked. His rank list was so long, and he had received such encouraging feedback; it was unimaginable he would match at a program ranked down in the double-digits. I ducked out of the Match Day party to weep, overwhelmed by shock and disappointment, and even a little bit of shame.

The cry you hear repeatedly is "We got our number one pick!" People say it so often it seems like no one gets anything except their first, or possibly second, choice. The reality is the only people who say anything are the minority of lucky students who matched at their top choices. The rest of us are silenced by stigma. Admitting you matched to anything other than number one is admitting that programs didn’t want you. Programs’ decisions for who they want most are largely arbitrary; they’re picking from a pool of well-qualified candidates they just met. This perceived rejection can make you believe the lie that you’re not good enough.

It took time to pick up the pieces of my lost dreams, but I’m grateful we matched where we did. My husband’s training has been solid, and the culture of his residency has been a better fit than he would likely have found elsewhere. His career will be fine. We’ve met wonderful people and had great experiences. We would still rather have our number-one pick, but we are happy and life is good. Life works out, but it can be an emotionally draining journey to make that happen.

When dealing with disappointment from the match, here are my thoughts for survival and growth:

• Don’t envy those who did better in the match. It accomplishes nothing and poisons you and your relationships with your friends who had better luck in this fickle process. So much of it is arbitrary, and chance has a huge role in it. Congratulate your friends for their good fortune, even if it takes time for you to genuinely feel happy for them.
• Don’t resent your husband or blame him for the match results. Let go of the "if only he had . . . ." thoughts, unless there’s a real lesson to be learned that can be applied to future experiences. Everyone has shortcomings and no one knows his better than you, but let them go. Go ahead and hate the match itself if you need to channel the anger toward something.
• "Comparison is the thief of joy." (Theodore Roosevelt) Don’t dwell on what might have been because distant grass always seems greener. We aren’t close enough to see other programs’ warts, so we assume they are better than the life we are living with all its bumps and imperfections. For example, one program we highly ranked seemed fantastic. I spent too much time thinking "If only we were there, then residency would be better, he’d be working less, and life would be wonderful." Several years post Match, my husband spoke at conferences with their residents. The program had education problems and a malignant culture. The wonderful promises they’d made during interviews hadn’t been kept. But because all I’d known was their excellent presentation during the interview process, they’d seemed ideal. No residency is perfect, and if you can’t see their flaws, you don’t really know them yet.
• Don’t badmouth your destination. Whatever institution you’re headed to has people who love it and are proud of it. Disparaging the program or the town can only burn bridges. So sure, tell your mom you’re disappointed, but limit that information to your inner circle and never on social media.
• Dive into your new city with gusto. Every city has something great to offer, whether it’s world class museums, a great park, or a fantastic neighbor. There’s a treasure there somewhere. You just have to find it.
• Establish your new place as home, both physically and in your heart. Home is where you and your partner live. It’s not where your parents live, and it’s not where you used to live. Invest a part of yourself in your new community.
• Build a tribe. It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a tribe to survive residency. Reach out to your local medical alliance chapter, get to know your neighbors, join a club, and if applicable, jump into your faith community. You will need people whom you can call on during the many times disaster strikes and your resident spouse is not available. Start building those relationships from day one and residency will be far less lonely.
• Build up and encourage your spouse. Being rejected by a long list of programs is likely just the first in a long series of residency experiences that will hurt his confidence and his feelings. Be sure to let him know that you are proud of the person he is and the doctor he is becoming.
• Find things to love in your program. I’m not saying convince yourself this is a better outcome than your top choice, but find the things that can be appreciated about where you are. There’s something to love about his program, whether it’s great medical benefits and research opportunities or fresh cookies in the cafeteria. Find things to be grateful for, even if you have to dig deep. Gratitude seeds happiness and dispels resentments. Choose to be happy where you are.

We are now preparing ourselves for a competitive fellowship match. This time I have more realistic expectations and a better attitude. I understand that matching anywhere should not be taken for granted, and getting the last spot on the list is still an accomplishment we are going to celebrate. If there are any tears this time, they’ll be tears of happiness.


By Anon.

When it rains it pours

by: Jennnifer Engorn

We've all heard the phrase “When it rains it pours,” and the same could certainly be applied to snow. In fact, during my husband's fourth year of Medical School, living in the mountains of Virginia, we experienced a blizzard of epic proportions- both literally and figuratively.

My husband, I believe, was made to be a surgeon. Not just because of his bluntness or his ever-so-logical way of viewing situations. Not just because of his dexterity or physical and mental stamina. My husband was made to be a surgeon because of his hard-working nature, his teamwork mentality, his perseverance, his ability to think quickly. He has adaptability, sound judgment, ethics, and incredible compassion. Most of all, my husband was made to be a surgeon because that is what he wanted, hoped for, worked for and invested his life in. He is a man that puts his heart and soul into everything he does, and refuses to give any less than 110%. Orthopedic Surgery was no different.

Jeff spent all of his Medical School career preparing himself for Orthopedic Surgery residency. With whatever free time he had, he shadowed Orthopedic Surgeons- on days off, weekends, holidays, birthdays- you name it. He spent his entire research month of school waking up at 3 a.m., so that he could commute for an hour and a half in one direction, just to shadow an Orthopod in the area. I paint this picture not only to rave about my husband, but also to show how much he had invested and how much he had on the line. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward...or the loss when things don't go as planned.

Fourth year of Medical School started off with Jeff taking Step II of his boards and leaving the following day for his first of five month-long audition rotations. This left me with one friend within about a hundred mile radius, and five hours from any family. Needless to say, this was a time with many stresses. Little did my naïve mind know, the struggles were only beginning.

About a week after Jeff left for his first audition rotation in Tennessee, his grandmother- to whom we were extremely close- had a massive heart attack on her way to the casino with a friend. Yes, the casino- she was in remarkable shape- and this came as a huge shock. With Jeff working about a hundred hours a week and barely able to have a phone conversation, this left him in a helpless position and me as the sole representative for our tiny family. I went to Baltimore, where our families were, to visit his grandmother in the hospital and then in Hospice. During this time, Jeff's mother- who is also one of my very best friends, lost her best friend of twenty years to Cancer. Shortly thereafter, Jeff's grandmother also passed away. My heart was so heavy with grief, with sadness, and with loneliness for my husband. Jeff came home on a Friday night after his fourth week in Tennessee, we had the funeral for his grandmother on Sunday, and a few hours later he left for his next rotation in Ohio.

The weeks came and went, barely seeing Jeff for a few days per month- if that. We celebrated our first anniversary with a friend's wedding the night before- where we left the New York wedding at 2 a.m. so    that Jeff could work an early shift in NJ. I then proceeded to continue the drive alone to Baltimore, where I spent our actual anniversary with my family. That was okay, though, because I was hoping it would all pay off on February 10- Match Day. On February 10, Jeff received an email stating that he did not match, despite having five interviews- a comfortable number for D.O. Orthopedics. We spent the rest of the day, and week, calling programs for General Surgery and Emergency Medicine. Jeff got phone calls from Internal Medicine and Family Medicine programs that were also trying to recruit. He received interview offers but, because he had not yet gotten his results from his COMLEX PE, no program could take him. On the night of Wednesday February 12, I called my mom repeatedly, as we had been staying in close contact and I had not heard from her all day. I was finally able to reach her on her cell phone at 11 p.m. when she told me that she was at the hospital. The HOSPITAL?! She proceeded to explain that my grandmother, who was an active, driving, still-working woman suddenly could not get herself out of the bathroom earlier in the day. They ran numerous tests and discovered that she had a brain tumor and would need immediate surgery. I was stunned. Additionally, the forecast was calling for a huge snow storm, making a visit to Baltimore impossible for the foreseeable future. By Friday, Jeff had signed a contract for a Transitional Rotating Internship position in NJ, and my grandmother had her brain surgery scheduled. We were all still in shock from the week's events, and we were snowed in, with over a foot of snow, in our townhouse with our two dogs in Southwest Virginia.

The weeks and months to follow were depressing. Jeff and I moved to New Jersey and started to build a life there, and my grandmother made leaps and bounds in her miraculous recovery. She began to walk again- first with assistance, then on her own, and soon it became her new favorite activity. A few weeks into his TRI position, Jeff noticed a new Orthopedic program listed on the AOA website. He called and emailed them immediately and heard nothing back. Then, about a week later, he was contacted about his inquiry and they asked that he send his CV, ERAS application, Letters of Recommendation, etc. immediately. Within two days of doing so, he was contacted by the program director personally, who asked for the phone numbers of Attending physicians that he could speak to on Jeff's behalf. Granted this was a Saturday and time was more of the essence than ever before. Jeff, fortunately, had built exceptional relationships with many doctors over the past few years, and he found several in his cell phone that he could have the program director contact. We waited on pins and needles for any feedback or updates.

Early the next morning- on the one-month anniversary of moving to NJ, Jeff received a phone call from the Orthopedic Surgery program director who offered Jeff a first-year position, to begin immediately, at his new program in Miami. We were shocked, thrilled, and emotional. This truly felt like a miracle. The past six months had been a roller-coaster of emotions, and we were finally able to see the positive experiences. Now, here we are, about 3 months after he got his Orthopedic residency offer, and my husband is happier than ever. Although intern year has its own set of time commitments and demands, Jeff is happy and eager to handle them. My grandmother, is a walking, talking and now driving miracle, as well. I feel so blessed to have my loved ones so happy and healthy, for which I am thankful every single day. We now live in Miami, with Jeff in his first year of Orthopedic Surgery residency, an the weather has yet to be lower than 80 degrees. Although the blizzard of life that occurred in February will never leave our minds, we are eternally grateful for all of our gifts, and we see no snow-tangible or metaphoric, in our forecast.

Residency Roundup: Run A Match

Last Tuesday was DrH's residency program's final interview day for the entering 2014 class!  I was able to attend their applicant dinner that evening and met six of the interviewees.  I was impressed by their kindness and hope them each a successful match.

The feelings that surface during this time of anticipation, pressure, chaos, excitement... are exhausting, and I empathize with each applicant.  This year, more than the previous two, has me on edge for the match.  This is mainly due to the fact my Brother-in-law is eligible for the 2014 match, which could send/assign my sister and her family anywhere!

I'm sure many of you MS4 families are having to explain over and over again what exactly is 'the Match'. While reading the nrmp.org site I found the following information helpful.

• The Matching Process- a general synopsis. 
• Run a Match- a document describing the process of algorithm that matches each MS4 and residency spot.  My family would have found this interesting during our match...and would have saved them from hearing my simplified analogies;)

Here are some important dates to have marked on your calendar (if not already!):
February 26, 2014- Rank Order List Deadline.  Must complete and certify your list by 9:00pm ET.  Three years ago we decided to put a preliminary list in the system to avoid any last minute computer glitches and then updated the list with minor changes the day or two before the cutoff.

• Interesting facts on Rank Order List Length. 
• My previous post that outlined our match list. 

March 17, 2014- Matched?!? Applicants receive notification of a successful match!  Or the beginning of the SOAP process for unmatched MS4 students.

March 21, 2014- MATCH DAY!!  www.nrmp.org even asks for pictures of the 'Match Face'!   Make contact with your program director or residency coordinators to show your excitement!  Congratulations!

If your DrH has previously match and you have any pearls of wisdom please share!
Best of Luck!!
Cami

How to Get to Residency - a *hopefully* simplified explaination from a medical student's wife

Check out Sonja Mass's blog.  My husband just started his intern year in his family practice residency at JPS in Fort Worth, TX. I blog about working through transitions that we have gone through and to keep a record of some of our family adventures. It's a post I wrote in November (2012)  when all of our friends and family members were constantly asking about the process that we were in getting into residency to try to explain it to them. I could edit it a bit for the blog if you are interested in using it or I could come up with something original.
http://maasupdate.blogspot.com/2012/11/how-to-get-to-residency-hopefully.html

If I knew a year ago what I know now, our residency application process would have been much different.

If I knew a year ago what I know now, our residency application process would have been much different.  Of course, I’m now glad we didn’t know…but you should.

You see, a year ago my husband and I were waiting on Step Two scores to come in and working on his application for emergency medicine residencies.  Based on past years, the only concern we had for this specialty was a Step One score on the low end of acceptable.  But, he had experiences that far made up for it.  We were absolutely positive that if he did well on Step Two, we would have our pick of programs.  And, he did more than fine!  We celebrated Step Two for several days because his score was that good.  With a sigh of relief, we sent out applications and began to dream of the future.  We thought matching in emergency was a done deal based on what we knew from past years. 

Lesson One: Be wary of trusting statistics from past years—with changing specialties, these can be unreliable!

Unfortunately, a funny thing happened with EM last year.  It was suddenly very competitive.  We just weren’t getting the interview offers we expected.  But, we got the two that we wanted most—our home school and the program my husband auditioned with.  We actually turned down one more interview because it required a plane ticket, rental car, and missing a day of the audition rotation.  (It actually turned out he had the day off…whoops!) 

Lesson Two: Don’t turn down an interview for any reason unless there is absolutely no way to avoid it!

Another friend of ours applied to dozens upon dozens of programs.  He of course, received many, many offers.  He really wanted to be somewhere different and exciting.  He could only accept less than half the offers because of time constraints.  So, he accepted the offers in the biggest cities and declined most of the less competitive programs.  In the end, he matched at our home school—the only smaller city school he interviewed with and the very bottom of his very long rank list

. 

Lesson Three: Make sure you are interviewing where you are most likely to be accepted.

When it came down to the final weeks of interviews, the advisors at my husband’s school began sending emails asking students to come in immediately if they’d only had a small number of interviews.  We discussed this but still felt confident with our plan.  In fact, we agonized over which of our two programs to rank first.  Both had given strong indications that we shouldn’t be worried about Match.

 Lesson Four: Listen to your advisor, meet with your advisor, and trust your advisor.  And, get a new one if yours isn’t very helpful!

As you can probably guess by now, we SOAPed.  While it was the worst thing that could have happened at the time, I am actually grateful that it did.  You see, we had almost applied for Family Medicine slots as well.  My husband was very torn between the two specialties.  But, after seeing the Step Two score, we didn’t do it.  In the end, we ended up SOAPing into a Family slot.  The program is fantastic, we love the town, and my husband realizes how grateful he is to be in family instead of emergency.  We like where we are and what we are doing more than anything we’d actually applied for.   

Lesson Five: Don’t be afraid to apply for two specialties.  It’s not extremely difficult and is much better than the SOAP process!

Thankfully, we had a couple things that helped us tremendously with the SOAP process—my husband’s personal statement and a letter of recommendation from a family physician.  He knew from the time he wrote his statement it that it could be used for either Emergency or Family Medicine.  The letter just happened to come during his sub-internship.  During the SOAP process, you can only use the materials you already have saved in ERAS.  So, he would have had no chance to write and load a family medicine personal statement to help him out.  And, there was really only one EM slot he could have tried to get into.  As it gets closer to Match Week, I’ll be back to discuss more specifics of what you need to know about the SOAP process.  But for now, know I want to share one last bit of advice.  

Lesson Six: If you think there is even the slightest, smallest possibility you might SOAP, consider having a personal statement that could help you into an open slot…and maybe even a letter from a faculty member outside the specialty for which you are applying.

I really don’t want this post to scare anyone, but I want to share the wisdom that we gained through the process.  Also, I’ll be glad to answer and specific questions, too!

Things we wish we knew when applying for residency

Things we wish we knew when applying for residency

Once upon a time my Dr. H had no idea what specialty he wanted to pick, eventually chose one and began the application process. We had three kids by the end of medical school, so naturally we wanted to make sure we applied to programs with decent schools nearby, avoid inner cities, and be able to afford to live on a resident salary, as I stay home with our kids. 

This ruled out most big-name programs. We applied to solid programs without big names for the most part, even though we were coming from a big name medical school. 

The big name medical school has great success getting its students into other big name residencies (and an extremely low rate of scrambling), but we learned their advice is insufficient for other programs. 

He got plenty of interviews. We even started turning them down, since statistically we should have been guaranteed to match. He kept in touch with each program and asked further questions. However, he didn't go on any second looks, thinking he didn't need them. We revisited two or three of them together, but didn't notify the programs that we dropped by. Big mistake!

He didn't match. We scrambled into a different specialty. Stressful! Though it worked out.

What did we do wrong in the interview season? Lots of things, as it turned out.

Two years later, that different specialty wasn't going to work out for my Dr. H as a good career, so we started over. We applied in another specialty entirely, one that he had had limited exposure to in medical school but he now realized he quite liked. He now had a top name medical school and a solid name from his residency program to boot for his application. Because he had to keep working, we were limited by time and expense: all the programs we applied to were in driving distance except for three, of which we had little hope of landing interviews. 

He started getting tons of interviews - nearly every program we had applied to, yet he turned none down until he felt confident that this time around, programs were genuinely interested in him as a top contender for their spots. If a program so much as mentioned a return to visit again before the Match, he made a point of coming back. I even went along on those second visits, as a prop for him to say in effect, "Look! I'm so interested I brought my wife!" 

We matched into a top-tier program which fit within our financial and living criteria. 

What had we learned? He needed to sell himself better. He's a humble guy, and reserved. Yet he needed to convince every program that he wanted to be there, and there alone. The first time around, most programs seemed to think that since he was coming from a big name school, he probably wasn't very interested in their program other than as a backup, and he didn't signal sufficiently to them otherwise. Programs that aren't big names don't care if they have big name residents. The second time around he made sure he could answer that "why this program" question adequately to each and every program.

We learned that programs like to take students from the same med schools if they have good experiences with that school's students - which was a large part of how we landed our scrambled spot. 

We learned that real interest from a program is difficult to discern because of rules stating that programs can't officially invite applicants for a second look. Literally, they are forced to mention it as an aside, and wait to see which students care to return to indicate their interest. It's like an awkward new dating relationship! 

Lastly, we learned that some schools value a statistic of little value, measuring how many of their residents came from the program's top ranked choices. Some schools value this more than others, even though it doesn't matter a bit in real life. For instance, one program boasted that they always filled their four spots within their first five ranked students - which only means they were careful to rank students they knew were very serious about ranking their program #1. Which is funny - because you had better believe that if a program is telling you they're ranking you on top that they are telling everyone else the same thing!

We failed to do away-rotations in either case, which is another terrific way to convince a program that you are serious about them. In the first case, we were short sighted. Away-rotations are worth any inconvenience and expense. In the second case, it wasn't possible because he was still acting as a resident, finishing out the year.

So. Applying for residency is quite the ordeal, but I hope that some of this may prove helpful to this year's applicants! Try not to make our mistakes, if nothing else. Good luck!

Residency Roundup: After the Interview

Many MS4 families have completed one or more interviews! Congratulations on starting yet another step in the 'process'.:)
The first wave of interviews brings a new onslaught of information and pressure.  How are you ever going to rank all these programs??  Below are a few points to ponder as you and your DrH prepare for your rank list.

• Rank each program after each interview.  Another family ranked different aspects of the programs (COL, research, salary...) and compiled an average score for each program.  We just generally put each program at the top, middle, or bottom of the list with an explanation. 
• First impressions- DrH should write them down while on his return flight home.  This was the most important for us.  We went with our guts on the majority of the rank list.  
• Personal Priorities- Academic prestige, research opportunity, average case numbers and variety, home/in house call, proximity to relatives, parking pass...etcetera.  What are DrH's career goals? What procedures do you want to learn? Will your family be comfortable? 
• Co-residents, Attendings, and Staff- Are they people you can be around? What is the atmosphere? Our bottom rank was due to a program director getting sloppy drunk and telling inappropriate stories.  
• Facilities and Human Resources- Insurance coverage, meal plans, vacation requests. 
• Housing locations- Would it work for your family? Jobs? School? Transportation?

Three years ago as we 'made' our rank list interview by interview, we continued to remind ourselves that  matching is left up to a computer program.

We ranked 15 programs

#1 DrH's Dream residency spot.
#2 Solid program, low COL, Family Friendly
#3 Close to Family
#4 Great personality match, 2 hrs from family
#5 Good program, low COL
#6 Medical School program, wouldn't have to move
#7-#14 No particular order
#15 Rather go here than nowhere

We are grateful to have matched at #4.  When we opened the match letter, we both didn't even remember this program on our list... but ten minutes after the match the program director called to welcome DrH into the program and we have felt blessed to be here since.

Happy and Safe Travels to all interviews!
Cami

Residency Roundup: Interview Prep

Welcome to the Residency Interview Season!! 

 Hopefully, you are successfully juggling the quick responses to offers, the calendar filling up, purchasing travel plans, all while continuing MS4 rotations. 

I've compiled a list on how to prepare for residency interviews. 
DrH should bring this information to each interview!

• Program background- Basic information on FRIEDA https://freida.ama-assn.org/Freida/user/viewProgramSearch.do.  Go the the programs website for more details, how long the program has been active, number of faculty, current research emphasis. 
• Bios for the faculty and specifically for whom your DrH will be interviewed by.  My DrH read each bio while flying to the new location.  
• Bring copies of CV, cover letter, and research.  Many programs didn't want separate copies...but some appreciated them.
• QUESTIONS!! - There is a bunch of time set aside for questions.  Make your list based on what is most important to you and your family.  I recommend between 4-10 good questions ranked in order of importance.
• Home or in-house call
• Clinic hours 
• Average Cases for the current residents
• Mentoring program
• Research requirements
• Vacation requests
• Locations- housing, schools, recreational activities
• HR- Medical, Vision, Dental insurance? Parking? Food?
• More ideas-  https://www.aamc.org/download/77936/data/residencyquestions.pdf

This is another great list!! 

http://www.ama-assn.org//ama/pub/about-ama/our-people/member-groups-sections/minority-affairs-section/transitioning-residency/the-residency-interview-making-most-it.page

The AMA page lists possible interview questions.  Such as 'Why did you choose this specialty?" or 'What are your strengths?'  We typed each question with DrH's answer and we rehearsed his response.  Obviously, you cannot predict what question they will use, but this practice will help.  Here are some other possible question your DrH will be asked. http://som.georgetown.edu/docs/2012%20Handout%20Residency%20Mock%20Interviews.pdf

Warm wishes to all MS4 families.

Cami

If you have some additional interview prep advice please leave a comment below:) 

Anonymous stay-at-home-mom-by-choice of three, and wife of a resident story

Hi! I'm an anonymous stay-at-home-mom-by-choice of three, and wife of a resident. My husband was one of the few students in his medical school class married, with more than one child, the sole provider for the family, and with children approaching school age. This meant we had many more things to consider about residency than the standard applicant. I hope what we looked at will help some of you who may be approaching similar situations.

I am something of an expert in this topic because we've done this twice. Applied for residencies, I mean. You see, after what I had thought were a decent two years of one residency, he decided it wasn't the field for him after all and so we applied for one he felt had a better future and a better fit with his personality and we moved all over again. 

The first time we applied and moved, the kids were 0, 2, and 4. The second time they were 2, 4, and 6. We looked closely at the same types of things for both moves, though we had to make different choices of necessity. I'll show you what I mean. You may think all we did to prepare was overkill, and maybe it was, but peace of mind in both applying for residencies and creating rank lists was important to us. We'll do the same for fellowship programs if we decide to do one.

Once upon a time that seems far past now, Husband went to medical school in an inner city. That was fine for our young family because there were so many things to do with small children there, and we'd be through with med school before the school years. Straight up we knew it would be difficult for us to afford to stay there for residency, because once we had an income we'd have more things to pay than we did living on loans: like state and federal taxes, loan payments (circumstances here can differ wildly depending on deferment, the Federal Loan Forgiveness Program, Income-based repayment, etc), different insurance costs, needing another vehicle no matter where we did residency, the growing costs for feeding and clothing a growing family, kids' activities as they get older, etc. 

In our case, this ruled out all expensive big cities. This did mean that any big-name programs we applied to were the relatively few in more rural settings. Using the city-data.com we were able to assess costs of living in many places and thus determine where we could afford to live on a resident's salary. Also helpful in this were websites about property values and rental prices for 3+ bedroom houses and apartments. For rural programs we checked out what kind of shopping options they had nearby. We looked at tax rates in different states. And insurance costs, if they were available online. Even if they weren't available to us before application, we got definite numbers before creating rank lists after interview season. Research!  If you fail to plan, you plan to fail is an appropriate adage here for the single-income resident family.

We also researched safety. That same city-data.com website also includes crime rates and kinds of crime for a period of several years. It includes sex offenders per capita. It includes more mundane things like weather and education and property values and employment too.  The National Sex Offender registry, familywatchdog.us,maps out where sex offenders live if you enter an address so we would double check areas we'd want to live and make sure they were both safe and affordable to us.

We researched schools using greatschools.org, knowing our eldest needs a good school with motivated peers to thrive academically and home schooling is not an option with this child because of that peer motivation. All kids are different, of course, but it mattered to us and still does. We researched the religious community too. We're members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, otherwise known as Mormons, so we would look into how far away our church in a specific area would be from the residency program. 

Now, for the differences in our two residency applications. 

The first time, Husband had relatively flexible time as a med student to interview and we had saved some dispersed loans to cover the costs. The second time, he had to take time off work in his first residency program, meaning we had less time (and money, since this was a last-minute decision) to work with. Of necessity then, the second time around we applied to programs mostly within driving distance and included every program close enough that he could interview with only one day of precious vacation time. We were fortunate that his first program allowed flexible vacation days at all. 

Also, housing. The first residency we bought a house in a suburb. We had been renting so long and felt that the better school were in neighborhoods where homes weren't rented, not knowing of course that we'd only be there two years. Hindsight is 20-20! What's done is done, however, and we did what felt right to us at the time throughout. Can't ask more out of life than that!  The second time we couldn't afford to buy in any case and we saw that all three-bedroom apartments near where we had matched (also where the good school are) were being snatched up, so Husband rushed out (with another vacation day) and got the last one in town close to the hospital. This time we definitely chose proximity over living space and even cost of rent, but that's a choice we all have to make. We don't regret it: his hours here are much worse and we'd see far less of him if he had a longer commute - especially with icy conditions for nearly half the year! And we absolutely love the community.

Lastly, the time we had to adjust. Both moves we had family helping us for about a week, which is an immeasurable help in and of itself with children around. The first move we had a solid month of no obligations so we were able to move, get unpacked and settled in, start making friends, help our kids feel adjusted, etc. for weeks before Husband started working. Not the second time. Between quitting one residency and starting the next one we had more like 10 days to pack up, load up, drive, unload, unpack, get licenses and registrations and food and all. Yikes! I would not recommend this if you have children. We had rough adjustments this time across the board - with all five of us! So if you can avoid this (which I know may not be possible, especially for those beginning fellowships in a new place) then do so for all your sakes. But, you do what you gotta do and things will work out eventually even if it's rough at first. 

My sincere sympathies to all going through intense adjustment right now. Hang in there!

And best wishes to the up-coming applicants of all kinds!

Saving Money in Applying to Residency

Thanks for all your responses on how to save money in applying to residency. I tried to put together a list of what we did along with all your suggestions.

For those of you still in med school you can check it out here.

Thanks again!

Saving Money in Applying for Residency

So I'd like to do a post on my personal blog about saving money while applying to residency and going on interviews (I'll make sure to post a link here too), but I was wondering if those of you who have already survived that stage of life could share some of your money-saving advice with me. I'd like to incorporate other ideas (other than my own) of how you pinched pennies and cut costs when going on interviews and applying to residency, because lets face it, its an expensive but necessary process. Would you mind commenting on this post or emailing me at champagneandbonbons@gmail.com if you have any advice you're willing to share? Thanks in advance!

Passing time/Counting Down

So as the spouse of a fourth year, we have our rank list finalized and certified. And being that tomorrow night is the deadline I imagine most others are done or almost there. So my question is how are you keeping busy to pass the time? Are you going crazy yet?

And to those of you who have survived the match process, did the last three weeks go by quickly or were they the longest three weeks of your life?

I've gotten over the anxiety and am mostly excited now but I find it hard not to let the whole situation CONSUME my thoughts! I cannot help but wonder where we will end up? I'm trying to keep myself distracted, but I find it so hard to stay focused, even at work!

An Idea

so, I was thinking it would be neat to make a post with the info on the med school or residency program we are each at. We would want info like Insurance, Cost of average rent, Salary, perks, etc...also maybe detailed info on how the med school/residency experience has been including number of hours worked a week, how call is, etc.
I thought it might be helpful for people that get on here.

Anyone interested? Any ideas of how we could organize it?

On the interview trail

I just thought I would see how things are going for fellow spouses of MSIVs. We are less than three months away from submitting rank lists, and three and a half months from MATCH DAY!

Things are going pretty well for us. We have been relatively lucky as neurosurgery is on somewhat of an earlier schedule since they were early match two years ago. This means we had most of our interview offers in November and have pretty much heard from most programs by now (and as far as those that we haven't heard from we may never hear from them.)
My husband seems to be enjoying the interviews and getting to know his future collegues. He seems to be running into a lot of the same people on the trail (I think this is because neurosurgery is a relatively small field). I have been able to go on a few interviews and have enjoyed them as well. The only negative is that things are really starting to add up - it is expensive! But I suppose no matter how much this adds up to it is still better than the price of not matching because we didn't take enough interviews.

When people said that fourth year would fly - they weren't kidding! I cannot believe it is December already - where has the time gone?

How are things going for everyone else?

Tips for Matching

I read this article (the managing editor is a good friend of ours from residency), and I thought it was really helpful and encouraging. Even if your husband isn't thinking about ophthalmology (and really, it takes a very special person to cut on eyeballs), I think there are some good tips for applying to any specialty.

Anyone other MS4s...

a complete wreck? I am sick to my stomach and crazy worried. I am suddenly questioning every phrase and word in my husband's application!

(Tomorrow is September 1, the first day you can submit residency applications - and for most competitive specialties it is important that you sumbit them on the first day!)

Keepin' On Top of the Process

Can anyone offer any advice as to HOW TO SURVIVE the last year of med school?! My husband is away right now (and will be for the next three months) doing an audition rotation. While I get to talk to him every night, I'm finding it frustrating that we only chat for about ten minutes because he is so tired. I miss him so much, and I know he misses me. Also, I'm quite nervous about the whole match thing - it worries me to no end. He hasn't scheduled any interviews just yet, and is working on his online application, but I'm such an 'on top of everything' gal that it is hard for me to not constantly ask him if he has everything done. How can I survive?! Any words of wisdom would be ever-so appreciated! :)
Frantic in VA,
sHp

The Personal Statement

My husband is starting to write his personal statement. I've heard a few things about it as far as applying to residency (scroll down to the second paragraph).
For those of you past this phase what was your experience? Any advice? Thanks!

Applying to residency

Perhaps these are questions for survivor Saturdays but now that we are beginning the application process I have a few more specific questions...

• How many programs did your husband/significant other apply to?
• Of those programs how many interviews did he take?
• Did you apply all over the country?
• Roughly how much did you spend?
• Any advice on personal statements - from what I hear these don't generally help you and are viewed as only having the ability to hurt you?
• Any other advice?

I know some of those may be personal questions- but if any of you care to share it would be much appreciated! I will be documenting the whole application process on my personal blog, and am also planning on keeping track of every cent it costs.