I thought I was already at #itgetsbetter…

I have been a doctor’s wife for 2 years and I am still coming to terms with it being part of my newfound identity. You see, I didn’t have the fairytale romance of meeting my DrH in high school or college and taking on this medical journey with him from the beginning, side by side. Some days, I think that if I had, the transition I am currently going through wouldn’t seem quite so drastic, but then again that is merely my assumption. This transition I speak of is me trying to find myself again and get back to the #itgetsbetter stage after having found and fallen in love with DrH later in life. 

Let me take you back about 5 years, as the backstory is very important to give some perspective on where I am today. Before DrH, I was a very successful 30-year-old single girl living in the city, surrounded by my family and closest friends. My life was already at the #itgetsbetter stage and I had gotten there on my own. The idea of marriage was nice, but not really at the top of my priority list, as I was happy with my independent life. You can probably already guess where this story goes from here. DrH walks into my life and everything changes. I was very hesitant to date him at first because I did not want to be involved or potentially end up with a physician. Yes, you heard that right. In my career, I had worked with doctors as a malpractice consultant for 9 years, so I knew all about the sacrifices and the long hours. It was just not the life I had envisioned for myself. However, DrH is very intelligent, handsome and charming and before long I had fallen head over heels for him. So, I joined DrH in "our" medical journey when he was in his third year of residency.

Now, let me take you to present day. I have been on this journey with him for some time now and we are currently PGY8, as DrH is completing his third and final fellowship in a couple of months These past two fellowships have taken us from one side of the country to the other, resulting in me giving up my career and six-figure salary, and moving away from my family and close friends. I have gone from shopping at Nordstrom on a weekly basis to shopping the sales at Target on occasion and from brokering big deals in the boardroom to trying to figure out how to fill my days. As you can imagine, there have been many times along the way when I felt I had lost myself and put aside my desires for my husband’s career. I was already at #itgetsbetter before meeting him and now I am not…or so I thought.

As we are approaching the end of his training, I am beginning to realize that the real truth is: we have always been at the #itgetsbetter stage. The moment I met DrH my life was better. He made me realize that I didn’t have to face this world alone, that love is so much sweeter than anything money can buy, and that I now have a best friend for life. When he completed residency and we packed up and moved across country as newlyweds, our life was better. A girl who had never left her home state was now moving across country and we would make lifelong friendships and strengthen the bonds of our marriage as we took on the world together. I learned to step out of my comfort zone at 33. Another "dreaded" year of fellowship would take us to a new city (another cross country move!), where we would be tested and tried by the long demanding days and come out even stronger and better as a couple. I would learn to treasure only having one car so that we could enjoy time together each morning and night on the ride to and from the hospital as that was all we would see each other most days. 　All of my free time allowed me to find a new passion for volunteer work that would be so fulfilling and help impact young lives in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

Unfortunately, it has taken me almost to the end of this medical training journey to realize that while I was waiting for that next phase of #itgetsbetter, I missed out on the moments that were already made better through this experience. While I mourned my past identity as a career woman and breadwinner, I missed out on the opportunity to embrace my new role as a support and strength for my DrH. As we move forward in our next phase of #itgetsevenbetter, I will embrace the here and now and not always be waiting for tomorrow. I will be okay with being identified as a DrW, as I know that having that title means I provide my husband with the love and support he needs to do his life changing work… and I think that is something I can be proud of! So, for all of you that are anxiously waiting for it to get better, it probably already has. Take it from someone who has already been there before...or so I thought.

By: Toshia Wagner

Residency Roundup: The Next Step!

What next step is awaiting your medical family this June or July??

In June, my DrH transitions from being a junior resident to a senior resident! We finally get to say good riddance to primary call! 

No more attempting to sleep at the hospital waiting for crazy things to happen!  As a PGY4 and chief (PGY5) resident, we can plan DrH sleeping in our home every night!  Of course with this change the nightly back-up call pages will begin and our sleep could be interrupted... but at least we can rely on seeing DrH more!  

The preparation of the next two months has my head spinning: finishing up PGY3 (including the remaining 14 on-call night shifts), Child #1 finishing Kindergarten, Child #3 entering the world in 3 weeks, deciding if a fellowship is in our future, and watching our Med school friends and family prepare to move to ridiculously far away residencies.  

Each of you has your own preparations to make as this transition approaches. Good luck and enjoy what you can!  Brighter horizons are ahead.

Happy Spring!
Cami

Anti-climactic

5th year is starting in 4 weeks. And I thought I would be more excited. While I am indeed excited, it feels very anti-climactic. For so many years I looked at 5th year as our final year. One last year before we could start paying off loans. We are almost at 5th year, and Brad has decided to do a fellowship, adding another year. What is one more year after all we've already done, right. But it sure makes 5th year less exciting for me. And don't get me started on how expensive it is applying for fellowships. $1000 just for a plane ticket to Cincinnati?? Are you kidding me? I will be soooo excited when we find out where we are going for fellowship. It will mean he can't fly any more places. It seems like he keeps adding one more each week. haha! How many is too many to apply to? When is enough, enough? At the most he will only be going to one of the programs.

Fellowship question

I was hoping to get the advice of some of you experienced in fellowships. My husband wants to do a fellowship, but I have my concerns. Well, one concern actually, my kids. We were only in MI for 2 years when we moved again to Philly. The first year was really tough on my kids, starting over, making new friends. My son still talks about his MI friends. I just really don't like the idea of moving my kids to a new location for one year. They will be 10, 9 and 6 when we move. And then we'd be moving again soon after. I just worry about them. My husband says kids are resilient and can handle the disruption, but I can't get that ugh feeling out of the pit of my stomach. That first year broke my heart with my son trying to make friends. Now he has some wonderful friends, but it was a rough year. I told Brad to either pick a fellowship where we are already living or plan on staying where he gets one, but that is obviously not completely in his control. Thoughts?

An Idea

so, I was thinking it would be neat to make a post with the info on the med school or residency program we are each at. We would want info like Insurance, Cost of average rent, Salary, perks, etc...also maybe detailed info on how the med school/residency experience has been including number of hours worked a week, how call is, etc.
I thought it might be helpful for people that get on here.

Anyone interested? Any ideas of how we could organize it?

Seattle, anyone?

Is anyone a wife of a anesthesiology resident or pain management fellow from U of Washington in Seattle?

Please let me know if you are.  I’d like to ask some questions if you don’t mind. 

Thanks!!

Pain Management Fellowship

We have endured the non-match Pain Management fellowship application/interview process and have accepted a position in Lubbock, TX.  We have done med school and residency here, so I guess we will be here for another 2 years.  The obvious plus side is I don’t have to move or sell my house just yet.  The down side?  The dust and not getting to see another state.

Has anyone else done all their medical studies and training in the same city? Just curious how common this is?

Cleveland, anyone?

Is anyone on here currently in Cleveland? I have lots of questions, if you don't mind. :D

We Matched! :o)

Today is fellowship match day...and Jason matched with with his first choice--here in Michigan!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :o)

This basically means that we DON'T have to do the following:

1. Put our house on the market immediately and sell it for a drastic hit.

2. Find a place to live out of state (the other choices were mainly out of state) and, of course, move (blah!).

3. Attempt to do all of this while he is busy with work and I would be busy taking an insane number of classes in order to finish my bachelor's before we'd need to leave.

*huge sigh of relief* :-D I feel like a human being again. ;-)

Pittsburgh Help

Anyone have any info on Pittsburgh PA? My husband got an interview for fellowship there and I have been researching the city with not much luck in the way of where to look for places to live in a good school district with minimal commute and rent for less than $1200 for 2-3 bedrooms. We want to be in a nice area hopefully with other kids and families. Prefer a suburbia-type feel...but can adjust to city living (I think...I've never lived in the middle of a huge city). Oh, and the kids will be 3 and 6 when we are there. (so, 1st grade)

Thanks!!

Fellowship Match Day

It's been a very interesting year for us...because all of the changes that Jason and I (Avi aka Doc's Girl) talked about happening when we first started dating...are right around the corner! :)

I know that it's hard to imagine what lies in store for our partners when they are done with residency, but this is a fun website to see what job openings there are around the country. It's one of the few websites where you don't have to register to view them. :o)

Currently, Jason and I are waiting for fellowship match day on May 1st, where we will learn where we are going to end up for his fellowship. His fellowship will start in August of 2010 and is 1 year long. Out of all of the choices that he had, we're really hoping on staying here in Michigan for two main reasons:

1. It allows me to comfortably finish my bachelor's degree in psychology and sociology instead of having to take 20 credits per semester in order to finish or transferring to another university...if we have to move.

2. We can add another year of equity to our place and not have to go through the nightmare of selling it, moving, finding a new place, etc. When Jason is done with everything, we'd be more comfortable taking a hit on our place to sell it as opposed to now when we are strapped for cash.

Jason added his resume to the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons (AAOS) and he is already getting calls from places around the country, desperate for someone of his future speciality. (Some of these recruiters are called "headhunters." Once we see how credible they are in about a year or so, when we'll seriously consider these offers, I will definitely post about Jason's experience with them for everyone to read. By the way, if anyone has any experience with this, please write about it! :-D) It's kind of neat because it seems like he has gotten a lot of initial interest already since his speciality is desperately needed everywhere. We'll basically have our pick of where we want to end up in the country, all with some nice perks. Some places are offering loan forgiveness, bonuses...and even matching his fellowship salary. :)

So, as many of you know, both of my parents are deceased...and I am extremely blessed to have a fabulous relationship with Jason's parents. In fact, his mother and I spoke for almost 2 hours on the phone yesterday. :) Ironically, Jason and I share a lot of the same values even with growing up in different environments. I came from a pretty traditional Indian family...and he grew up in a small town in Ohio. The topic of job offers came up last night with Jason's mom and it was a pretty serious discussion between her and I. (A very good one, by the way, where she dropped a ton of hints about wanting to spend time with her future grandchildren. :-P)

At this point in time, Jason and I are entertaining the idea of moving to a warmer climate for his future job and he has said that his parents stated that they'll move where ever we go.

However...the truth of the matter is that I think Jason forgets that his parents are quite established where they are. :o) They love their community...they have close friends...but, they also miss their ONLY son who has been in a different state since residency. The idea of moving to a warmer climate is nice...but, the reality of the situation is that I want Jason's parents around as much as possible...especially when I think about our future children. Asking his parents to pack up and move from an area where they have been their entire lives (and are happy with) just seems like a bit much...

My siblings and I always felt like we missed out on the joys of having grandparents close to you. My family moved here from India and, when my grandparents came to live with us here in the United States many years later, it was just plain awkward. It was hard to communicate with them, they had a ton of health problems...and, all in all, there was just a big difference in cultural views. (For example, my grandfather used to get annoyed at me that I didn't serve all of my friends tea/food EVERY time that they came over to hang out. It was hard to explain to him that, sometimes in the US, people just come over to hang out... He just thought I was a bad hostess and I'm actually an excellent hostess, by the way! :-P)

Jason will probably start interviewing for future jobs during his fellowship...so, we still have some time to think about things. But, the good thing is that I know that Jason will probably realize on his own as time goes by that it's not all about the money...or the weather... I know this will happen because we're not about having a big home, expensive cars, or even taking exotic vacations. At the end of the day, we're all about the little things in life, living a comfortable life...and enjoying the important things like time spent with the ones you love. :) (On a side note--one of things Jason and I bonded on initially was the fact that he almost lost his father about a year before we met. His father is now in better health and progressing wonderfully...)

We're also both aware that his parents are older (in their 60s)...and we want to cherish all of the time that we have with them... As sad as it is to admit, I really just don't want to live far from them... I'm just praying that a miraculous offer in Ohio pops up in about a year. :)

Anyways...10 more days to go until Match Day. (Note: Depending on specialties, fellowship match day is different for everyone.) Even though there is a 99.9% chance that we are staying in Michigan...I just can't seem to relax until we get an official answer, you know? Our lives seem to contain many stories of how things can/will go opposite to what we plan for. :-P

The suspense is just killing me....!!!! :)

Fellowship Interview!!!

We got notification that Ed's been invited for an interview for a Fellowship at Johns Hopkins!!! Yay!! We would be there in 2010 if he gets offered the position.