Reader Question- Prenups

A reader has asked for our advice:

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I'm currently engaged to a 3rd year General Surgery Resident and we're getting married before the end of the year. No kids right now, but we plan to start trying for a family after we're married. We've been together 5 years, so I'm familiar with the struggles of being a doctor, both financially and emotionally, and have very realistic expectations how much time and energy my soon-to-be hubby has to spare.

He recently brought up the issue of signing a pre-nup before we get hitched. He didn't bring it up as a "Sign this or we don't get married," but more like, "So, what are your thoughts on pre-nups?" to test the waters. In his program, probably half of the residents are married and only a handful of the attendings he's under are married. The rest are divorced. I realize that in this day and age, divorce is all too common and that it can be very expensive and that both parties need to be sure to protect themselves. I'm sure my betrothed is influenced my his divorced attendings and thier horror stories of ex-wives and alimony and outrageous divorce settlements.

Of course, I'm sure this issue is a moot point (after all, I certainly don't plan on getting divorced!), but I'd like to hear what other doctor's wives have done regarding this issue. In all of the wedding planning, I've not once considered a pre-nup, it's not even been on my radar. So I was a little taken aback. I agree that we all (MDs and wives) need to always be aware of our finances and protect ourselves, but I'll be honest, I was a little offended by it. Of course, I realize that I wasn't the one studying until the early AM hours for 4 years, I'm not in the OR putting in the hours and logging cases, I'm not constantly sleep deprived and running on empty. BUT I do feel that I've supported him over the last 5 years to make him the successful doctor that he is today (by contributing financially, managing the house and the dogs, making sure he doesn't stave when he's on call, encouraging him when he's down, etc) by just being a loving partner. And once we have children, I'm aware that he'll of course be involved with them, but I'll be their primary caregiver and responsible for the majority of diapers, doctor's appointments and everything else that comes with them since his schedule is so demanding. Isn't that worth something?? Or am I overreacting?

Thanks so much for your help!

Reader Question: Military Scholarships in Med School

We have a question from reader Shanna:

My husband is going to be entering Medical School this coming fall and has been offered the Military Scholarship. We have asked around and heard a lot of bad/good things, and people who are completely for it and people completely against it.

Any thoughts/opinions about military scholarships you could share?

Thanks!

Baby Fever!!!

Hi! My husband is a soon-to-be MS1. I know it is going to be a major change of pace when he is in school, but I am here for him all the way! The one thing is... right now I am getting MAJOR baby fever. I wonder what everyone's opinions are on having a baby while your hubby is in medical school??

Sell This House!

My husband has decided to take a Family Practice residency spot back in Tulsa, OK.....you know the place we moved from a short 8 months ago! This is our first home, so we have experienced many fun things that we have never shared in before. Now we are needing to sell it and again this is something totally new.

I would love to hear some advice, stories, and experiences that may help us in the process. I've been reading online, but really we have NO idea where to even start. The buyer's agents we used to buy this home treated us terribly and since we don't know anyone really in Muskegon, MI, we really have no idea who to trust to represent us. Do we need an appraiser? Does the realtor do that? Do we need to get things inspected? Has anyone sold their own home? How much should we expect to pay out of pocket??

Any pointers? Any ideas??? HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!

Newly Meds, I mean Weds

Greetings!

I am a newly wed doctor's wife (four months). My husband is a trauma surgeon and works four overnight shifts per week. We are in a new town and I am rather shy. Needless to say I am getting a bit clinger that I would like.

I love him and miss him a lot. His work precludes us from spending a lot of time together. If I feel this bad now, what is going to happen in the future?

Any suggestions,
Sylvia

PS You know, it is really funny but when people find out what my husband does for a living they are always so impressed. They say, "Oh wow! you married a doctor," I tell them, no I didn't marry a doctor - I married a man, a very wonderful man that I wish I saw more.

Decisions!

Seven more months left in the fellowship and it looks like my husband and I have narrowed the job choice down to two places. Frankly, I'm kind of nervous for the upcoming decision. A part of me is so excited to finally have a hand in the decision of where we are going to be, but the other side of me wants no part in this. Can you tell I have commitment issues? :)
One of our final choices is the place where I grew up. The program is pretty decent and most of my friends and family are there. I feel very comfortable there and love the idea of having people around to watch my girls when I need them. The other place is a better program, and would be better for my husband's career. I visited this place over the weekend and I have to say I liked it.
What would (did) you do in this situation? Would you choose the job with nearby family and a decent program? Or the nice, mysterious place with the better program? Both jobs will pay about the same.

Hush

My boyfriend is in his 3rd year of internal medicine residency, and we are living together this year. I though this would mean we would have more time together, but he says he needs an hour to relax when he comes home without having to make conversation, and since he has to go to sleep early and also work on reports at home, I feel like we never have much time to talk. Is it typical for residents to not want totalk to their significant others for an hour after they get home? I'm worried if he will still be like this next year, and if this will be a problem once we have kids.

Thanks,T.R.

Housing during med school

Kristin emailed in a question. So, let's hear what you think, ladies!


Did you live on campus while your husband was in med-school? Did you live off campus? What was your experience like? My boyfriend and I are looking into where we should live once he is in med-school/after we are married and we are considering living on campus, however, I'm just curious as to what everyone else's experience has been/is! I know, every situation is different, but any advice would be great!

Jury Duty in med school?

Hello ladies,

My husband, an MSII, has received summons for jury duty in October. Is medical school a valid reason for being excused? I'm guessing not... just wondered if you had any advice. He really just can't afford to miss with tons of tests the rest of the semester. I know one day isn't that big of a deal, but who knows how long the trial could go on if he is chosen. I've heard you can get called over and over... Advice? Experience?

Seattle, anyone?

Is anyone a wife of a anesthesiology resident or pain management fellow from U of Washington in Seattle?

Please let me know if you are.  I’d like to ask some questions if you don’t mind. 

Thanks!!

Marital counseling

Ladies, this was posted in the comments. Any words of wisdom, advice, support or encouragement would be appreciated!

I am 34 old and married to a doctor, he is good on all respect but he can’t be able to concentrate on family as he was doing previously. I understand this is due to work load and many times he just satisfying their clients online all the night. Many times he got pager for an emergency calls then he go for patient treatment. Now I m getting very depressed and I tried to take Christian marriage counseling but he refused to go with me, I don’t know what I will do, please help me.

Bye bye daddy.

So all of you moms out there that have been through this, any advice on when daddy leaves for multiple weeks at a time on away rotations. Of course we'll try to talk daily- might actually work out well for the kids' bedtime with the time change- and we're thinking of getting a video camera for the computer and downloading Skype to have some video chats. Any other great ideas or just advice on how to survive as a temporary single mom?

Call nights

If we already talked about this and I missed it, I'm sorry. It has been a crazy couple of months. My question is, "What do you do when your hubby is on-call?" Specifically, how do you sleep?? I think Brad's pager went off 6 times last night. I know he's on call, but that doesn't mean I should lose sleep too. Or does it? Don't get me wrong, I am SUPER grateful that he has at-home call, and I wouldn't want him sleeping at the hospital or on the couch. I thought about ear plugs, but I am not comfortable with not being able to hear my kids or alarm clocks. I know I can't be the only one experiencing this, so what do you do? And again, if you already talked about this, sorry! Just direct me to the discusssion. :o)