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Lives of Doctor Wives: June 2010

Monday, June 28, 2010

Poll - Did you sign a prenup?

The new poll is up.

I have a question, should we discuss the poll the week it is up or after it is closed?


Thoughts on Ranking Medical Schools

Found these posts and thought it might interest some. The second article comments on the first.

Rethinking the Way We Rank Medical Schools

During my internship, the first year after graduating from medical school, I took care of a middle-aged woman who began our first conversation with a question that patients still ask me today.

“So doctor,” she said as I pulled my stethoscope out to listen to her heart, “where did you go to medical school?”
In a social context, I might have considered her question to be polite chatter, a filler during an awkward quiet moment. But on that particular afternoon her words felt more like a dart lobbed at what I had presumed to be a budding and promising patient-doctor relationship... read article

What Makes for a ‘Top’ Medical School: the disconnect between medical schools and national priorities

Terrific piece by Pauline Chen describing the stark disconnect between our national health care workforce needs and what our medical schools produce.

Our nation desperately needs a larger and more effective primary care workforce.  This need is driven by the decades of research linking high performing health systems to good primary care.  People who have more access to good primary care (easy access, good relationship, comprehensive services, care coordination) are less apt to end up the hospital or emergency department - an outcome we can all agree is in our personal as well as collective best interest... read article

Friday, June 25, 2010


Hey everyone good morning, I cant seem to make up my mind on what to do and would really appreciate your thoughts. I used the name Journey Unscripted for my blog. Now I came back to the blogging world and so I opened up a new blogger name for my blog Physician's Wife I like it but I am just not sure if I want to have the label on the blog since as most of you know saying that your the wife of a physician makes people immediately form a mental picture of the "typical doctors wife" (insert eye roll here). If I choose physicians wife I will transfer over all my past post to the new blog.
So what do you all think stink with Journey Unscripted or move on to Physician's Wife?
Thanks! =)

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Boston Med

Anyone else watch this tonight? What did you think of it? I really felt for that ER resident.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Poll - Does your DrH have a tattoo?

Not only am I a day late posting this, I also deleted the poll. Nice, Melisa. Any comments on if your DrH has a tattoo? Do patients react to them? What about older patients, do they react differently than younger ones? Is it okay for doctors to have piercings?


Saturday, June 19, 2010

Survivor Saturdays: Doctors Are Doomed From the Start

A recurring theme among members of this blog is the desire to know that marriage-wise, they aren't worse off than anyone else. It goes something like this...

Is it normal to carry the brunt of home responsibilities? Yes
Is it normal not to feel appreciated during residency? Yes
is it normal to question what I've gotten myself into? Yes

Just because everyone else shares these common complaints doesn't mean it's okay. I ran across this article that I thought was worth sharing. It's a bit "scientific" but it makes some good points about the pitfalls of being a doctor and being married to a doctor. In summary, it says that the medical profession requires characteristics that are contrary to what is needed for a healthy marriage. Suicide and drug dependence are common, as are stress and self sacrifice. It takes extraordinary effort to hold things together and we (the wives) may be their best chance of survival.

Before you throw in the towel and head for the door, scan the article and see how truly simple it is to beat the odds of divorce and all the other terrible side-effects. This article gives insight into why doctors are the way they are and what is needed to build a lasting marriage. It begins at home.

Interpersonal intimacy is key to survival. Not only the quality of intimacy, but the QUANTITY. If your spouse is not investing in the relationship during this most critical time, he may be his own worst enemy. There is no better time than the present to encourage him to become more intimate for his own good.

The study also points out that people who go into medicine are used to delayed gratification. Doctors don't see as much of a need for time together right now because they are busy building a better life for the future. They have studied hard, taken on huge amounts of debt, and worked unrealistic hours with the promise that some day it will pay off. You, on the other hand, may need a sign now and again to remind you why you're putting up with all the stress. The very characteristic that makes your spouse a good doctor makes him a bad husband. Understanding that your spouse can't help putting off gratification is a first step in dealing with it.

Emotional detachment is also a necessary skill in medicine and lack of emotional response does not indicate lack of caring. A doctor can't walk into the room of a terminal patient and start crying. It would be disastrous. So when you confront your spouse about the dire state of your marriage, don't expect an emotional meltdown. It won't happen -- even if he's an emotional wreck.

Those of you who are familiar with my wingspouse blog, know that I emphasize the importance of facing all challenges and crises as a team. You are your spouse's best chance for survival, and his best chance for survival is investing in you. What a wonderful interdependence. There is a lot more good stuff in the article, so take a look and don't be shy about discussing it with your spouse.

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Friday, June 18, 2010

New forum

Matt has made us a new forum and it looks great! Go check it out and leave a message! I'm hoping to find 2 volunteers to moderate the forum. Please email me if you want the job. I'd put your contact info on our side bar, so please be willing to be available for contact. Thanks so much!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Social Media in Medicine

I've recently been discussing how social media could be a good tool for the medical field. I'm amazed how little understanding there is about it. For example:

Did you know that some hospitals post ER wait times on twitter?
read more
Did you know some hospitals use youtube to highlight special programs?
see one
Did you know physicians AND hospitals use twitter to educate patients?
an example
Did you know hospitals are using facebook to keep their community updated?
check this out
Did you know you can find out what the competition is up to through twitter?
an example
Did you know that bad publicity can be minimized by responding in social media?
read more
Did you know some hospitals are using twitter to update families on surgery progress?
more details

I would like to propose some SM presentations for a medical organization I have spoken for previously, and I need your help. Does your spouses use social media and if so, how? If they don't participate in it, is there anything in particular they are curious about?

Just the Facts Ma'am! Welcome Tif

The Doc: 2nd Year Resident in Anesthesiology

The Wife: Tif . . . I work full-time at a local university as an Academic Advisor, ironically with a large population of pre-med students!

The Kids: 2 -- son (5) & daughter (almost 2)

The Situation: You all know what we have been through and what we are currently going through . . . lots of moving (3 times if 5 years!), lots of taking care of things myself because hubby is at the hospital, but lots of good and very proud moments as well!

The Site: My hubby and I write on our public blog at www.ourmedicallives.blogspot.com, though I am way behind in posting because of our very busy schedule and I maintain multiple other sites as a little hobby! I also have a private Facebook group associated with our site, searchable via Our Medical Lives. I have been checking the site for a while now. I love hearing what everyone has to say and come here to feel like I am not alone!! Thanks!!


Info please

Anyone know anything about Sioux Falls, SD? How about Keene, NH?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I'm Pretty Sure She's a Doctor's Wife

Monday, June 14, 2010

Poll - Will you still watch A.I. discussion

Any comments on the American Idol question?

Be sure to vote this week so we can have a lively discussion next week. :o)


Sunday, June 13, 2010


So, it's Avi. :) Hi, everyone!! I wish I posted more but things are always just nutty around here...

J's graduation was last weekend on a Friday evening... It was so very surreal, folks... (I don't have very many pictures, unfortunately, because it was so dark in the banquet hall and every picture turned out very grainy or blurry...and because hubby's mom always moves her hands when she takes a picture. :-P)

Hubby's parents came up from Ohio (to Michigan where we are) and even had a frame made up with pictures from throughout his residency and cute scrap book things like a lab coat and a mini-chest x-ray. (I printed an orthopedic x-ray for her later because she wanted to replace it with something that fit his field. :-P) It was so nice to have them there--you could tell that they were just beaming...:-)

The graduation started off with dinner and it was very odd seeing all of the wives together that I've met throughout the last four years. Even the ones who weren't particularly friendly or social with me still said hello, which was nice. I ended up sitting next to one of the somewhat new girlfriend of a resident and, sadly, she's going through the weird hostility herself since her boyfriend and her go out with the other residents all of the time. (Hubby and I don't avoid going out with the residents--we just usually have other stuff to do rather than be out until 2am and witness drunken drama.) Anyways, she was cute and said to me, "Oh, I'm so happy that I have a friend to sit next to!" It kills me how a little bit of politeness seems like so much work from the others.

Some of the wives/girlfriends were awesome with me...and I was sad that this was our 2nd to last social outing with them as there was a picnic the next day. Four out of the six are moving to another state... We and another couple (the couple who got stuck in Minnesota along with us during that rotation) are the only ones staying...mainly because we didn't want to go through the hassles of selling our places. (Hubby won't tell anyone but I know that he chose his fellowship here because it gave me more time to finish my degree. It also happens to be a really good fellowship. :-P)

Anyways, at the end of the dinner and after all of the talking...the ceremony began.

Each resident and their significant other was called up...to accept a diploma, some flowers, and a certificate for the wives that thanked them for support to their husband during their five years of training. (I smirked since I have only been around for only four and we are not married. :-P) This is very different from a few years ago where the wives only got flowers and that was it. The certificate was really nice, I thought. :-)

At the end of the dinner, each resident went up to do a little speech to say what ever they wanted to say. Ladies, I got choked up...because I watched men who I knew to be extremely stoic, break down and cry as they expressed gratitude to their families and their children for dealing with the chaos of their schedules. Half of the residents cried... It was incredibly emotional.

When hubby went up, he seemed to be the comic relief. :) He made everyone laugh with some jokes...and then thanked his parents, the other residents, and his attendings. Then, he thanked me...and told everyone how we met when he was on a trauma rotation, being on call overnight in the hospital once every third night...and how I stuck with him...and didn't think he was crazy. It was adorable...and, for a moment, I forgot that there were hundreds of people in the room with us...because I just felt so very proud and so very in love with J. :-)

It was during those speeches that it hit me what supermen we are with. They work so hard...and, yet, still come home to make us dinner...to make us laugh...to help out as much as they can...to play with their children...to play with their dogs...to have some semblance of a life.

It may not be perfect and there may have been tough times but, quite honestly, that's not what I remember from the last couple of years. It seems as if all of those times were mysteriously lost during each resident's speech, including what J said during his.

I thought about J and I...and about all of the chaotic times. I remember a couple that fought to keep what it was that made them complete. I recall all of the times that hubby and I worked through so many difficult moments and, often, rolled around on the floor laughing because we always try to find humor in things, especially when it seemed like everything was going wrong. :)

It was just so surreal...a little sad...but I was happy to see everyone graduate. :)

Anyways, things are still nutty as usual around here. We have interviews for jobs starting next month with one in Virginia and one in Florida. The opportunity in Florida, oddly enough, was one of the first that hubby found...and it seems like the best offer out of everything. They, also, have been the only ones who have officially invited me out along with hubby. :-P

After out interviews next month, hubby starts fellowship in August...we get married in March...and I graduate from college in May...and I am going to faint because where did the last couple of years go??? :-D

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Friday, June 11, 2010


So, I added a forum here but I don't know the first thing about forums. Anyone willing to take over and be a moderator? Please. :o)

Monday, June 7, 2010

Working from home

Check out the discussion on the Facebook group if you want to discuss working from home. Or, we can start another conversation here about it too!


New poll is up. Comments on last week's poll?


Friday, June 4, 2010

Resident Widows

My husband's residency program director emailed myself and the other chief's spouses and asked us to participate in a "resident widows" type of forum. He is completely open to whatever format or topics that we think would be most helpful for the other spouses especially for the new interns and their spouses. Three of the four chief's are married and we all have children. One is a stay at home dad, one is a working father, and then there is me (I stayed home the first year, worked the second and most of the third year and now work from home with three small children).

My question to all of you is if you were to participate in a program like this what do you think it is important to know or talk about. Keeping it positive what do you wish someone would have told you when first starting residency? What tips, skills, lessons, etc have you learned? Thanks for your help!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Sick days

Emailed question to discuss.

"My husband and I had a discussion today about sick days. Most normal companies and jobs give you time off when you are sick. Why doesn't residency? He says that other residents and the attendings look down on you if you take sick days unless you are actively vomiting at the hospital. I say it is ridiculous to expect sick residents to be around people who are already sick or contaminating people who aren't. Is this normal in residency? Thanks for the input!"

So, everyone, what is it like where your DrH works?