Having a Baby During Intern Year

How I Survived Becoming a New Mom Intern Year

By Kelly Adams

**Disclaimer: I am by no means an expert, "supermom", or Baby Whisperer. I am continually amazed by the ladies who have multiple kids and seem to do it all. I am NOT one of those ladies:) This is simply my experience having a new baby and being a new mom, all during my husband's intern year. Although at times I may seem sarcastic and a bit jaded, believe me when I say having my son is the single best thing I have ever done. And although this has been a challenging year for my family, I would not take it back for anything. So here is my story...

 DrH is PGY-1 Family Medicine at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, AL...yes, the school with the National Champion Football team for a bazillion years in a row; yes, they take football VERY seriously here, and NO we are not Tide fans...which makes it an interesting place to live;)

We  have a beautiful, ACTIVE  10 month old baby boy, James, who inspired this very post and was born at the beginning of DrH's intern year. DrH and I have been married for 5 1/2 years now but we've been together for 11. We were married while he was getting his Masters right before Med School started.

We have been through the ups and downs, highs and lows of this "adventure" like so many of you. The sacrifices, time spent away from one another, one income, lousy resident salary...the whole shebang.  Naturally, I was the breadwinner for our family since DrH could not work through med school (side note, it's so amusing how people question why he couldn't "at least get a part time job.") Anyway, I was proud to support us. I was an advertising support manager over national accounts, and I was good at my job. But we decided, as a family, that once the baby came and we moved for residency, I would leave my job and stay home with the baby- a new job I was also proud to take on. I could always have found another job in our new town but after lots of prayer, I knew that was not the path God wanted for us. Kudos to those ladies who do continue to work outside the home after having a baby... I honestly don't know how you do it!

We were overjoyed when Match Day came and he got his first choice of residency. We immediately started the preparations to move to our new city and find a new home. DrH packed the house up while I worked...yes, he packed the boxes. I can't think about it too much or it makes me sick to my stomach to think of how unorganized all those boxes really were. DrH moved us to our residency home while I was working, then he and his mom unpacked us...It's been 10 months and I am just now getting things organized and in the right place. We "moved" to a new home a few weeks prior to the birth but I had no desire to change doctors this far into my pregnancy so we lived with my parents in our same town until my son was born. I was 40+ weeks pregnant when my beautiful bundle of joy arrive June 4, 2012, 2 weeks prior to DrH starting intern year.

So there I was, a new baby, in a new house, in a new town, with a new "job," and an intern husband. It was only a few days after we came home that the screaming started. Yes, babies cry...this was not crying. My precious bundle of joy screamed...constantly...unless you were bouncing him on this blue exercise ball we bought hoping to induce my labor...in retrospect, I can't believe I was trying to induce labor. Anyway, I soon learned this form of screaming was called "colic." I had no idea what colic was...and I read SO MANY baby books. But the topic of colic only gets a small paragraph, maybe a page in the baby books because it's so terrifying they don't want to call too much attention to it:)

11 weeks later bundle of joy was diagnosed with a breast milk allergy...We don't know if this is really what he had but the doctors could not figure out what was causing his ongoing bloody diarrhea. I tried eliminating every possible thing from my diet but nothing helped and alas I had to stop breast feeding and put him on hypoallergenic formula. I was devastated that I could not nurse him. That was not part of "the plan." But so much that has happened this year was not part of "my plan."

 10 months later I can look back at all of this and almost chuckle...almost:)

Of course I haven't even touched on the whole residency part of the story but you know the drill; DrH was gone all the time, on call, I was a single parent, yada yada yada. I am sure so many other women have similar stories to mine, in fact, I probably had it easy.  But the truth is having a newborn and becoming a new mom is challenging. Throw in the whole residency package and it becomes a whole other survival story.

Had I not been a new mom during intern year I think this story might be a lot different. At least I am hoping the next time around it will be a little easier:)

But don't fret...it's not impossible to start your family during intern year and truth be told, it really was great timing for us. Here are some things I learned along the way:

1. Find friends-ANYONE! You need some form of human contact but even more than that, a support system. You are in a new town with new people and a new baby...and you need to make some new friends. Your DrH will not be around as much as either of you would like so you will have to reach out to other people. Find a church group, MOPS, library group ...I have a wonderful  Moms support group at church that has seriously saved my life. I found them when my little bundle was 3 months old, and I so wish I had found them earlier! Having a newborn is HARD. Yes, you love them more than you ever thought humanly possible, but the sleep deprivation, crying, second guessing, anxiety that comes along with being a new mom is hard. Having other women in your life who have been there and can empathize, sympathize, and walk around with a screaming infant for 5 minutes while you sit and have a somewhat adult conversation is one of the best gifts any new mom can get.

2. Prepare to be a single mom- please don't take this the wrong way. In all reality you are not a single mom. Your loving DrH is in this with you but as an intern his time is limited and you really have to rely on yourself to take care of your bundle of joy. You almost have to get into "single mom" mindset in order to survive. There may be times when DrH comes home early and can take over so you can take a nap or grab a quick shower. These wonderful, scarce moments are to be treasured...But don't expect it to happen often.

3. Learn to be flexible...it's going to be a hard year and it probably won't turn into the beautiful painted picture you have in your head...and that's okay. In no way did I plan to have a colicky baby or formula feed my child. But things happen and you have to go with it. Before this year I was not an easy going person" per se so I'm kind of amused that I am including this in my list. But I learned to be much more flexible and I'm better for it.

4. Understand that this is a season in your life. Newborns are only crying, pooping, eating machines for a short time when put into perspective of their whole lives. It seems like eternity when you are elbow deep in poo and haven't showered in 2 days, but breathe and know that in a blink of an eye it will be over.  Same goes for intern year. It will be a tough year but it's only a season of your life...and seasons change:)

5. Treasure the time you have together with your little family. Especially in the beginning there were very few times when DrH was home and the three of us were together. It was in these precious moments that I could put things into perspective and reflect on our crazy wonderful life. Some nights when DrH came home a little early we would go out for ice cream and drive around in the car until the little guy fell asleep. I learned to enjoy these moments together and you will too:)

6. Don't worry if your house is dirty, if laundry is piled up and if you eat fast food or PBJs for the first 2 months...it's okay! If your baby will only sleep while laying in your arms no matter how many techniques you have tried, let him sleep in your arms. It won't last forever and the reality is sleep is better than no sleep.  I love this saying:

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,

But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

7. Don't be afraid to express your feelings without fear of judgment. Talk to your spouse, your mom, the cashier at the grocery store, anyone! Sometimes you just need to talk about how you are feeling. I think so many times women keep the feelings of how hard things may be to themselves for fear people may think they don't have it all together. In  reality we are all doing the best we can just get through the day! Post something on LDW facebook page and allow other women to encourage and lift you up when you are struggling. ( Side note, PPD is a very real thing so if you are feeling more depressed than just blue please reach out to your doctor for help.)

I know it sounds like I have had the year from hell but honestly I am such a better person, wife and mom because of this year. I don't let things stress me out as I once did, I feel more connected to my faith and in my marriage, and I enjoy life. I don't know that I could have always said those things:)

For those who are considering becoming a new mom during intern year or who are expecting,  I can tell you having my son is the best most difficult thing I have ever done...and I would do it a thousand time again for that little guy. You won't regret it and I can't put into words how much it will change your life.

My final piece of advice...here it comes.

Give yourself a hand!!!

Having a newborn is tough but having a newborn with a husband in a career like ours are in, is downright crazy. Give yourself a hand, a hug, a BREAK! and tell yourself what a freaking rock star mom you are!

We all need to hear that every now and then:) 

Survivor Stories: Factoring how much better it will actually get

by Jennifer Hunt

Today’s topic comes from a post on our Facebook page last week. 

Are there any of you who are veterans at being doctor's wives? Say 10 or 20 years out of residency? What is your life like now? Is it what you expected?

It’s a fair question, and one we see a lot around here. Tell me it’s worth it. Tell me we’re going to be okay. Tell me it gets better. PLEASE.

So here are my observations on what is guaranteed in post-training life:

1. You will have more money than you do now.
2. That’s all.

The questions about how much more you will see your husband, whether or not his stress level (and, by association, your own) will decrease, and precisely how much more money will be in your bank account all depend on a handful of variables. I have been submerged in the world of eyeballs since 2000 (and kids’ eyeballs since 2004), and I have friends and family members in other specialties, but I can only offer you my observations. A definitive, blanket statement is impossible because every doctor’s life will look different. 

Here’s what will determine how much better it gets:

1. Choice of specialty. Surgical specialties are going to demand more time than medical, but they typically earn a higher salary. Additionally, inpatient surgical specialties will demand more than outpatient. If your surgeon has to admit a patient, he will have to round on that patient, which means more time away from home. Some specialties’ call are brutal, some are barely noticeable. But remember that call equals new patients, which is vital to building and maintaining a practice, especially during the first few years.
2. Teaching hospital vs. Private practice. Both have pros and cons. My DrH has been in private practice since 2004, but my best friend’s DrH is on staff at Cleveland Clinic. In private practice, your husband will be part of a small business, and if he is a partner, he will be a small business owner. They don’t teach that skill in medical training, and the learning curve is huge. Lots of additional stress and time, especially during the first few years. But he makes his own schedule, has control over his practice, and theoretically, he will have a practice to sell when he retires. In academic medicine, your husband can let someone else worry about billing and employee benefits, but he may not have as much control over his schedule and how his practice runs. He will, however, have residents to take primary call and field patients. Additionally, he will likely be required to conduct and publish research, attend meetings (in town and out of town), and speak at conferences, which obviously requires more time away from home.
3. Small town vs. Big city (also Small practice vs. Big practice). Besides cost of living, this affects both the patient population and the number of doctors backing him up. This is probably the most varied variable—you can encounter the same problems in both places. If your DrH is one of three specialists taking call for your area, guess what? His call will be q3. This could be mean every three days, every three weeks, or every three months, depending on how the hospital and/or practice structures it. But if you’re in a large group or a large city with fifteen docs sharing his specialty, his call will be less, and you will see him more—which means more free weekends where you don’t have to keep your calendar clear or drive two cars if you dare to actually make plans. Another factor: whether or not his practice requires the doctor to cover his own patients—if he does, he is technically on-call EVERY DAY. If he has a patient who has a problem, that patient does not contact whoever is on-call that night, he or she calls your husband. For us, it’s usually not a big deal...until you receive a 3:00 a.m. phone call for emergency pink eye. I’m guessing an academic doc would never have this issue.
4. His personality and values. If he wants to earn as much money and notoriety as he possibly can, you won’t see him. If he wants to work hard and earn a good living, but still coach Little League, you’re in luck. Talk to him about these things now and set realistic expectations. What is important to him now will be important to him later. He will make time for what he values most.

This is by no means a comprehensive list, but I hope I’ve given you a list to bookmark and return to when your DrH is choosing a specialty and a practice. (Fellow Survivors, please chime in below and add to my list.) Most importantly, talk to your DrH about these things and where he sees himself. Medical marriages and families require team effort, and the best decisions will be made together.

Advice for New Graduates and Young Physicians: Avoiding the Pitfalls by: Stephen R. Hayden, MD

*This was shared on our FB page and we wanted a place to find it easily.  Here is the link to the original article:  http://www.sdcms.org/article/advice-new-graduates-and-young-physicians-avoiding-pitfalls

Advice for New Graduates and Young Physicians: Avoiding the Pitfalls

By douglasdaub

Created Jul 1 2012 - 3:44pm

Stephen R. Hayden, MD

Acknowledgment: Thank you to all the members of the Council of Residency Directors (CORD) for your sage advice and invaluable contributions to this work!
Some time ago I was asked to speak to a group of graduating residents at the San Diego County Medical Society’s “Preparing to Practice” workshop on the topic of avoiding pitfalls. Having been unsuccessful in avoiding a few of them myself, I turned to a group of colleagues at CORD and asked them what advice they gave to their graduates as they were leaving the program. The response was overwhelming, to say the least. I did my best to categorize and compile the replies, and they seemed to fall into a number of different groups below. Altogether, this advice emanates from program directors with more than 300 years of combined experience in guiding residents! I hope you find it useful and practical; I wish I had heard even a portion of this wisdom when I graduated.

PITFALL #1 — Not Taking Care of Yourself Physically, Mentally, and Spiritually:

• Tell them to rediscover their passion outside medicine so that they can rely on it to de-stress and add dimension to their life. For me it is ballet, but many others do sports, music, church groups, community organizations, art, etc. The nice thing is that they get a circle of nonmedical friends to add perspective to their lives. For most people, all these interests were suppressed during clinical training.
• Make time for yourself (separate from time for your family) …. Get back into that exercise routine that fell by the wayside during residency (or sport or instrument you used to play).
• Find a balance between work and play; don’t forget to take care of yourself.
• Taking a job that they end up loathing for whatever reason, and then not having the courage to leave and find another one.

PITFALL #2 — Getting in Over Your Head:

• Start saving up during residency for the first year out. “There are a LOT of expenses no one told me about. Moving, security deposits, first and last month’s rent, board fees (both written and oral, plus travel and lodging to Chicago!), cost of licensure. It adds up to several thousand dollars.”
• Don’t spend more than you earn. Spending quickly rises to match income. Don’t live beyond your means now that you are getting a real paycheck. Don’t buy a house too soon, or buy a very modest one initially. Owning a home can get you in over your head faster that you can imagine. Don’t buy a $60,000 BMW right away!
• Do not underfund your savings plan; do not overpay for a car. I see too many recently graduated residents buy a big-ticket item as soon as they become attendings (usually some ridiculously expensive car) but not put money into savings. They need to max out their 401(k)/403(b) from day one. If they never see the money going into their savings plan, they never feel the hurt.
• Realize that you are immediately in a new tax bracket, and plan accordingly.
• Pay off some debt. Live like a resident financially for a while, which allows for saving money so you can travel, change jobs if needed, etc.
• Start saving for retirement as early as possible, and start college funds for your kids the minute they are born.
• Continue short-term disability plans from residency if possible, as they are often fairly inexpensive and not all groups offer short-term disability (some policies allow this, and this is particularly important for females who may get pregnant). Some companies offer a guaranteed issue disability policy to residency graduates; take advantage of it.
• Many residents do not understand their contracts or sign ones that may get them into trouble, i.e., agreeing to restrictive covenants, etc. Don’t feel like you won’t get the job if you don’t agree to all the provisions; in the end, almost everything is negotiable. Look to your specialty societies if you are not sure or have questions.

PITFALL #3 — Being Afraid to Ask Questions or Ask for Help:

• You can always call “home.” If you are out moonlighting or on your own and just want to bounce something off one of your colleagues from where you trained, you can always call. Someone from your department is on 24/7. Sometimes it just helps to think out loud and with another brain that knows your brain. Stay in communication with the mother ship!
• Never lose your humility or be too afraid/too proud to ask for help. Just because you’ve graduated doesn’t mean you know it all/can do it all. Medicine is the most humbling of professions; if you don’t know the answer, ask!
• If you’re not sure about a patient case, ask your colleague who’s working with you. It’s not a sign of weakness. Your colleague has one thing that a new grad does not: experience.
• The first five years out of residency is a steep learning curve. You’ll see stuff you’ve never seen before; you may do procedures you’ve never done before; better to admit you’re not sure than make something up.

PITFALL #4 — Forgetting Why You Got Into Medicine in the First Place:

• Take the time to make a true connection with a minimum of ONE of your patients per day or shift. Take the extra time and make the extra effort to create a connection and find out something about them as a person. It helps you keep your humanism and remember why you got into this business: to help people.
• Graduates must never lose their compassion. If they see themselves moving toward indifference, do something about it; compassion is the most important quality associated with a long and happy career. And the obvious corollary … never forget your patient is an actual person and not a scientific problem.
• In the first few years of practice, most graduates end up making an important, but unconscious, choice between compassion and indifference toward their patients. Young physicians who seem jaded and annoyed by their patients (or “hits”) frequently become bitter as the years go by. Others who really take the time to listen and care for their patients seem to become more satisfied as they go on.
• Consistently regarding your next patient as an opportunity to care, rather than a burden or an obstacle to getting home, is the best guarantee for long-term success.
• Be nice to as many people as possible. “Kindness is contagious.”

PITFALL #5 — Succumbing to the Pressures of Clinical Practice and Burning Out:

• I see a certain curve in young physicians … nervous/uncertain at first, then they gain confidence and after a few years become a bit overconfident, until something bad happens; for the high performers particularly, as they expect more and more from themselves, often forgetting to maintain their private lives, there is a tendency to burn out in years 3–5 (loss of compassion/empathy, dehumanizing patients, judgmental, short tempered, hard on their colleagues, etc.). This is a repetitive pattern, and, over the years, I have come to look for it. Noted early, it can be readily reversed, but if allowed to progress, it can become a crippling issue. So I warn people about this, and I have been told it helps.
• One of the things I wish someone told me was to watch the amount of overtime I take on. New grads are seeing real money/paychecks for the first time. OT is really alluring because new grads think they need all this money to pay off bills and other debts they have accumulated. However, if they do too much OT, they get burnt out and cranky, and they can’t enjoy their new jobs/positions.
• Remember what you enjoyed as a resident.

PITFALL #6 — Thinking You’re Above Your Co-workers Now That You’re a Real Doctor:

• Listen to your nurses and staff. They will save your ass more than you know! Scorn the nurses … look for a new job!
• Not being a team player (you are the new guy; that means watching more than talking).
• Telling all the “old” guys how to do it!
• Get to know other medical staff, and review a list of your consultants with the current staff to find out who is really helpful/unhelpful, who has a personality disorder, who you can call in a pinch even if they’re technically not on call, etc. You need to feel you are part of the larger physician team of the hospital — even if you don’t like all of them.
• Bring food for everyone to your department/office for at least the first month (or longer).
• Ask the nurses/techs what you can do to help out, and clean up after yourself without being asked (I promise the return is greater than the effort!).
• Not treating other physicians as if they were members of your own family, especially when one of them becomes ill.
• Be the “yes” person. If you can do it, and there is no reason to say no, then say “yes.” Be the dependable person others can count on. What goes around comes around.
• Your character is revealed by the manner in which you treat those least important to you.
• As my 9-year-old daughter tells me often, “Smile. It’s contagious.” :-)

PITFALL #7 — Not Doing What You Know Is Right:

• Do not make a “fence decision” that you will lose sleep over. If you are second-guessing yourself while the patient is still in the ED, office, or on your service, you WILL wake up in a sweat at 3 in the morning questioning why you did what you did (or didn’t!).
• There are very few absolutes in medicine. Practice varies from hospital to hospital, region to region, and by provider, so learn the local standards. Be cognizant of this and be flexible. Don’t sacrifice your training and principles but decide which battles to fight.
• Forgetting to use their history and physical exam skills to diagnose their patients, not the CT scanner
• Be prepared for change: Clinical practice will change, and you must keep up with current medical knowledge. Develop a regular reading plan.
• Becoming complacent in patient care; at graduation they are proficient, but it will take many thousands of patients and many years to become a master. Keep working at it; like the flight community says, “Complacency kills!”
• You will have to reinvent yourself, maybe several times. Be open to it (protect yourself from tunnel vision).
• Document scrupulously and honestly. Always do the right thing, DESPITE: managed care, cost-effectiveness, and administrative pressures.
• You are a professional; maintain professional standards at all times and in all situations. Whether you like it or not, everyone looks up to you. Beware of social media — don’t post ANYTHING that is even remotely socially questionable. Invariably your boss will end up seeing it, and it could cost you your job.
• Ask yourself, “How would your mother feel about the way you conducted yourself if she had read it in the newspaper?”

PITFALL #8 — Not Learning the Art of Saying Both Yes and No:

• Not going that extra mile if you are in academics because you are just starting out, e.g., reviewing, research, taking on the med student rotation, etc.
• Learning to say no is an art form; however, don’t say no too often early in your career because the offers may stop coming. Rather, learn to say yes to the right things and seek out something that you can become passionate about and can take you places. That one random “yes” could lead to a niche you never would have thought possible. Create a niche for yourself.
• Talk to your chair early. Ask for help getting involved in important departmental activities but at the same time limiting them so you can focus on becoming very comfortable with your new role as a clinical attending physician.
• We give people titles in academics too quickly. I think I ruined one of my best grads by making him an APD right out of residency. Now he’s stuck in a wrong path and not very successful. My new rule: No promotions for two years — awards, thanks, gifts, sure. No titles.

PITFALL #9 — Not Placing a High Enough Priority on It:

• Forgetting that the first day after graduation is the beginning of a process in which you actually learn how to practice your specialty, not the end.
• Get involved with hospital committees, county and state medical societies, etc. Get involved at a local/regional and national level.
• Specifically getting on your departmental or hospital QA committee; it’s a good way to learn your clinical processes and what the standard of care is for your institution. Also, always best to learn from others’ “mistakes.”
• Consider a leadership development program.
• Find good mentors and continue mentor relationships from residency.
• Give back to your specialty.

PITFALL #10 — Not Allowing Enough Time to Prepare for Them:

• Do not slack in studying. You are not really done until you pass your boards.
• Seriously review for your board examination regardless of your last in-service score. Every PD can relate a story about an excellent, competent resident with a great final in-service exam score who then flunked the written or oral certification examination!

Remember the Six Cs:
1. Compassion:

• Remember why we do this in the first place.
• Be careful to avoid callousness, hardness, and burnout (“Easy to be hard ….”)

2. Compulsiveness — Be Compulsive in Your:

• charting
• record completion
• filling out paperwork
• patient care
• lifelong learning
• showing up on time

3. Caution (Conservatism):

• Be neither the first, nor the last, to adopt anything new.
• Most new, pushed drugs are not necessary (Vioxx, Celebrex, Ketek).
• First, do no harm.

4. Conflict Resolution:

• There will be lots of potential fights with patients, privates, partners, boss, staff, RNs, etc.
• Learn to gracefully and diplomatically avoid or resolve real and potential conflicts.
• Prevent escalation.
• It usually isn’t really worth it, after all.
• Being right isn’t enough. To get ahead, you’ve got to get along.
• You don’t want to be the one whom everyone thinks is “difficult to deal with.”

5. Committees:

• Despite the hassle, be involved professionally at the departmental level; hospital level; community level; and professional organizational level.
• The investment in time pays off in multiple ways.
• But wait until after your boards!

6. Communication:

• In your documentation and with your patients and families.
• Always spend an extra minute or two with ED staff.
• Learn their names.
• Show respect for them.

Residency Roundup: Getting Started

Welcome to Residency Roundup!  

My name is Cami!  I am married to an overworked PGY2 surgery resident and have two amazing little children that enrich our lives.   I am excited to share pieces of wisdom, hope, help, and support to families currently in residency and those preparing for it.

So, I am a list person.  Anything that I can write in list form I do.  After match day two years ago new lists began:  what sequence to pack up our tiny, gross apartment;  housing options in our new residency town;  meals that would clear out my pantry, freezer , and fridge;  graduation invites; etc... 

After we successfully and efficiently moved to residency, we realized we had no list ready for the next steps.  The following was developed from trial and error, luck, and a little research. Here is the list we needed two years ago!  

Find and Know this Information ASAP-

• First paycheck - When will it come?  
• DrH's program pays once a month, so the first paycheck came in August!! In addition to all the moving/relocating expenses, we used a short term loan from our parents to bide the time. 
• Vacation Requests - Find out when they are due, turn them in, don't miss the deadline.
• Human Resources - Read through the HR packets to understand your benefits and if you need to enroll in programs. 
• Our residency has a one-time smartphone or PDA reimbursement I found by reading everything.
• Opening socials - When are they? Make the effort to attend.
• We had one for DrH's program and one for the resident support group for spouses and families. 
• Residency Graduation - When is it? Are you invited?
• The incoming interns, in our program, are requested to attend the outgoing chiefs graduation dinner.  We are glad we made the effort to go, a short one week after med school graduation. 

To Do list for the first month- 

        (hopefully before DrH begins rotations)

• Find House to rent or own - We rented sight-unseen, so we planned a meet and greet with the landlord.
• Appliances - Our rental didn't come with a refrigerator.  One had to be secured within the first 48 hours.  Luckily we still had some time left on our moving truck to help us haul it from the store to our home.
• Set up utilities - You will need joint access to all accounts.
• Set up internet - We pay more for the extra fast internet for logging onto DrH's EMR, writing notes, and checking images.
• Local phone number - Look into Google Voice for your cell phone, if you don't want to change your number.
• Purchase a pager plan - Does your program supply one?
• Car insurance - A move to another state means different rates. (We seem to always move to a more expensive area). Call and find a new agent early on.
• Renters or home owners insurance
• Buy a second car - Which includes a smog check, insurance, and registration. 
• Parking pass for DrH's hospital- Is it provided by program?
• DMV trip - Our new state allots 10 days from your move-in date to get your license and car registration changed over.  We had to take the drivers test, thankfully easier than Step1;) 
• Medical/Dental benefits - Assign a PCP
• Thank you notes for graduation gifts
• Fill your new refrigerator 
• Meet neighbors 
• Find a Church and a Gym
• Find new friends for children
• Explore new city

Good luck forming your lists!

Cami


Leave comments below with what went wrong with your residency relocation, what could have been avoided, and what worked great!!

Don't Despair...You Are Not Alone

By Anonymous

During the process of your husband’s pursuit of his dream, becoming a doctor, did you ever have a moment where you seriously considered he may not be able to push through and make it to the end?  Being a part of the LDWs facebook page has made me realize that a lot of medical students have these moments.  Moments where they question the decision they have made, question if they are strong enough to make it through whatever barrier stands in front of them, moments that shake the core of their relationships, with their spouse, siblings, and parents because this process has the ability to make them feel completely alone; how could any one not in medical school really understand?

This is the story of our moment:

My husband was a high honors student during his undergraduate training.  He was Phi Beta Kappa upon graduation, did well above average on his MCAT, and got accepted to his choice medical school.  MS1 and MS2 were okay for him.  He struggled in some subjects, not because he was not smart enough to learn it but simply because of the rapid pace to which learning was expected.  He did poorly on his first exams in medical school and quickly determined what he was doing wrong in studying and adjusted it and brought his grades up.  Many of his grades were average to high average, which was disappointing to him being used to being an honors student but I was proud he was keeping his head above water.  I watched him study all day into the night and he would still be studying when I was getting up for work at 5:00 am the next morning.  He conquered things that would have broken me.  He never failed a class. He never failed a standardized exam. The opposite was true in fact, he exceeded many of his peers on his MCAT, USMLEs, and eventually his Board Exam.

The conclusion of MS2 was celebrated.  MS3 and MS4 were supposed to be a great time. We never met anyone who dreaded his or her clinical rotations.  Everyone was excited to get into the hospital, experience all of the different rotations, and really feel out the process for what they want to be when they grow up.  His first rotations were Psychiatry and Neurology.  These rotations were fairly easy and although he had a tough resident that did not allow them to get away with not reading up on their patients, he got through and did well. 

His second rotation was Pediatrics.  His pediatric rotation was split into two 4-week sections.  The first month for him was outpatient pediatrics some of which was at a specialty hospital following up on pediatric oncology patients in the outpatient setting.  The second month was Inpatient Pediatrics. 

My husband came home from his first day on his Inpatient Pediatrics portion of his rotation obviously in a bad mood.  He began explaining to me the call schedule, expectations, ‘pimping’, and the pressure.  He was expected to be at work at 5:30am for pre-rounding 7:00am for lecture, round on patients for 6-8 hours, stay the night for his call shift, go to lecture at 7:00am, and round on his patients before leaving.  It was essentially a 24-hour call schedule flanked by two normal working days.  When he was explaining this to me my immediate reaction was this is something that everyone goes through and it will just take time to get used to it, just like it took time to work out the kinks in studying during MS1 and MS2. 

Within the next week, he began explaining to me how he hated being in the hospital and honestly did not like the actual job of being a doctor.  My husband loves science.  He is a scientist at his core.  He could have easily been a Physicist.  He was convinced he had made a huge mistake pursuing this career.  At this point I immediately went into damage control.  He had been working toward getting into medical school through six years of undergraduate and now was in the beginning of his third year of medical school and he was seriously talking about quitting.  We were sitting in the tiny living room of our one bedroom, 600 square foot apartment; me on a chair and him on the furthest end sofa from me.  He kept trying to explain to me that he could not do it any more.  He did not want to step another foot in that hospital.  He did not want to return for his shift the next day.  He had his knees pulled up against his chest with his face hidden in his knees.  In all of our time together I have never seen him cry like this.  I have never seen such desperation on his face or heard it in his voice like I did that day.  He was begging me for permission to quit. 

This initial conversation was short in hindsight.  I quickly called my husband’s father, who is a physician.  I demanded he discuss his feelings with his dad and that he get medication. He was showing clear signs of acute situational depression and I was heavily burdened by the idea of him feeling too ‘trapped’ in this career.  Two students at his school in other health science fields had committed suicide that year.  It was too common of a statistic. The debt burden, feeling of letting your loved one’s down, and feelings of failure do not mix well with the personalities that make it this far in this career.  I certainly never wanted him to feel like this was his only option.  After he called his dad and talked though things he made THE calls.  The first call was to his Dean followed by a call to his attending in his Inpatient Pediatrics rotation.  He explained that he was overwhelmed and wanted to quit medical school.  He explained to them that he was sorry and that felt this was a bad career choice for him. 

Our world was crumbling before my very eyes.  It is impossible to work up to this life for eight years and not have very solidified ideas of what life would be like.  All of our visions for the future were getting scrapped.  We were now in the situation where we had to figure out what he was going to do for a career to even begin to pay back his student loans.  His bachelors degrees were in Evolutionary Biology and Biochemistry, both of which are useless for actually making money.     

His Dean discussed his options.  They allowed him to get credit for his outpatient pediatrics rotation and take a month off from school.  We packed our bags and went home.  We left everything in our apartment and took some much needed time to really discuss what he wanted and where that would be taking us.  For most of that month I completely avoided discussing going back to medical school, even though it was constantly at the back of my mind.  I let him have the break he needed to not think about the hospital and bring the subject up when he felt okay discussing it.  That time came around a week before he was supposed to return to school. Small things during that month, like seeing a beautiful house or a fancy sports car, would remind him of the life that we had planned.  Going into medical school was never about the money but it was certainly hard to see how we would have anything nice trying to climb out of medical school debt with no usable degree for him. During that talk, we discussed possible specialties, the requirements of each, the interaction each had with patients, inpatient versus outpatient specialties, and the radiology and pathology options.  He decided to return to school.  He felt mentally prepared for it.  He never returned to that hospital or that city, until graduation.  He finished his Inpatient Pediatrics rotation and all of his following rotations successfully and went on to graduate on time and match to his number one residency program, where he works with patients daily. He conquered the 30-hour call shifts, the pimping, and the pressure.  He is a great doctor. Many of his peers had no clue what happened to him and we never discussed it.

The path to becoming a doctor is isolating.  Each and every flaw is self-analyzed during the process of just trying to get into medical school.  The medical school interviews criticize anything less than perfection, trying to ensure that they are picking only those students who they feel deserve it, from all their hard work during undergraduate, keeping those grades as high as humanly possible, doing the appropriate amount of volunteer work, research, letters of recommendation, being well rounded, and so on.  That’s the catch though.  We are all human.  We all need support. We all struggle.  The mentality of medicine is that perfection is the only quality that is acceptable.  Just know, perfection is impossible and if you have had one of these moments you are not alone and it is possible to come back from the brink and be okay, thriving actually. 

Signed,

Anonymous       

Stressed?

At a recent doctor's visit, my physician asked me how I was handling the stress of medical school. He is a great doctor and one of the many things that make him awesome in my book is his acknowledgment that being the spouse of guy in medicine can bring stress into a girl's life. He knows our family fairly well so we got to talking about how I am doing with it all. By the end of the visit I was reminded once more that stress is normal and as I left his office I started thinking of all the things I do that help reduce my stress levels and if I was doing any of them. I'm pretty certain we can all agree that moving constantly, acquiring tremendous amounts of debt, and the financial strain during medical school and residency are a great concoction for stress. With that in mind, I came up with my top favorite free and 'can do anywhere' stress reducing activities.

Reading-

I am a serious book worm so reading ranks pretty high on the list. Thank goodness for public libraries because being at SAHM does not pay well. If you like reading and especially if you have kids, I really recommend you get a library card and take advantage of such wonderful public service. Not only can you get books but also DVD's like Zumba and Downtown Abbey (both major stress reducers in my life). If you are lucky, your library may even have some really hip and cool folks who have awesome activities for your kids and you. Honestly, libraries rock!

Exercise-

Nothing clears my head like exercise. My hubby likes to run, however I experience severe discomfort when running so I am more of a walker and a hiker (you know what I mean, it sounds weird just now). Luckily, we live near many beautiful trails so I take advantage of them. My kiddo can strap his helmet on, get on his bike and off we go. Some days I am very lucky and my hubs will take said kid and play with him while I go on a trail and try to get lost. If the weather is awful and I can't get outside that's where Zumba comes in handy. Sure, I can't dance to save a life but hey...no one is watching! I really, really hope no one is watching.

Volunteering-

I can read and dance all the day long but sometimes what really helps me stay healthy is volunteering. I volunteer at my son's school because he still likes me and wants me there. I also help out at our church office whenever possible. Helping at these places makes me happy and they also help in keeping some job skills up to date. If I get fired as a SAHM, I may need another form of employment. Volunteering also forces me to speak to other adults and be part of a team of 'big people' not just a five year old and his bevy of imaginary friends. Plus, I like to think I am being helpful and that in itself is worth the effort of volunteering.

Faith-

Lastly, this is one is not for everyone but I have faith in something much greater than me so prayer is my saving grace most days.

I know time is not freely given to many of you and finances do not permit retail therapy or lunch with girlfriends every week so I hope this post reminds you of at least one thing you enjoy doing that is free and can be done anywhere. My sincere hope is that in the midst of the medical journey your family is enjoying the ride and not just waiting for a destination. I know...we hear that all the time!!! But, seriously enjoy your week and may be share with us what you do to relieve stress.

Judith

The Unknows

Welcome all visiting from the Blog Hop! I’m one of those Type A personalities…must have everything planned 5 years in advance. I started planning our July wedding in October and had it pretty much finished by December. I start planning my daughter’s April birthday party in January. I usually have my Christmas shopping done by Halloween. So, when my husband, at the age of 32, decided to work towards medical school, those five year plans I had made in my head were thrown out the window. That has, so far, been one of the hardest parts. I can’t plan anything….ANYTHING! This journey isn’t totally left up to us…we have to depend on those picky medical schools and eventually a computer that spits out where we ‘get’ to move for residency.

 Right now, I am stressed like crazy. I have to quit the job that has supported us to this point. I’m moving away from our whole support system and the area I’ve been born and raised. I have to take this huge leap of faith that everything will be okay. I know it will be…so many have walked this path before…but it still is difficult! My husband looked at me the other night and said, “I’m going to see a lot of tears out of you these next few months, aren’t I?” The answer is YES! Entering medical school has so much uncertainty. Will I have a job? How much financial aid will we get? Will I make friends with other wives? Will my kids like the school? Can I find a house for us? How are we going to be able to afford all of this? Will I ever get to move back home? How much will I actually get to see my husband? The list goes on and on and on.

We know the general area in which we will be moving. We know its 4 hours from home. That’s it. I just hope that when we get to where we are going, I find other ladies to lean on. And, that my kids find some new BFFs. After all, we are all in for the same long haul.

On that note….if for some reason I don’t meet some lifelong friends along the way…I always have the almost 900 doctor’s wives on our AMAZING Facebook group- Lives of Doctors Wives. If you are the wife of a doctor and looking for support from ladies that have either been there or are there now or you’re a doctor’s wife who is willing to offer support and aid us newbies…check us out! Just request to join and be sure to follow up by checking your “Other” inbox. We have a simple verification process…SIMPLE and painless! Hope to see you there!

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