Survivor Stories: Keep Yourself Busy

Oh, the pre-medical days of my romance with my husband.  Hanging out downtown, backpacking in the summer, skiing all winter, carefree and full of aspirations.  Then, medical school began and I found myself alone (often) and bored (sometimes), trying to replace those events in my life…in a new town, living in a different state, where I had no family or friends.

What I have learned, 10 years later, is that to survive a medical marriage you need your own hobbies.  The best way to push through his absence is to keep yourself busy.  So I thought I would compile a list of some of my favorites ways to do that.

Learn Something New

The Library
It’s free and every community has one.  Isn’t it fun to walk the aisles and grab a random book on a topic you know nothing about?  Okay, maybe that’s just something dorks like me do.  But still, the library is a great place to learn something new, and you don’t have to invest anything for that knowledge.  Also, many libraries use Overdrive, or a comparable app, so you can enjoy digital downloads and save yourself a trip.  If you love to read in general, the LDW Book Club is the doctors’ wives book club on Facebook, with reading discussions and great recommendations.

Professor Internet

Yes, I am a true believer that you can learn about anything on the Internet and you can teach yourself.  The problem lies in trusting the information you are getting.  Did you know many top universities have OpenCourseWare programs (like Harvard, Johns Hopkins, MIT, Yale, etc.)?  Here is link to a great site with free, online places to learn.  If you’re able to spend a little money, we’ve enjoyed some of The Great Courses.  Each course is a collection of online videos (also available on an app) that teach a variety of subjects, all led by experts in the field.  My husband has enjoyed a photography class, while I’ve been doing a culinary one.

Go Back to School

This is a good option when knowing some base information isn’t enough, or you need an actual degree.  Is it stressful to be in a medical marriage when both of you are in school?  Absolutely, been there done that.  But it doesn’t get any easier.  If it’s your passion to go back to school, just do it.  The timing will never be perfect in a medical life (for pretty much anything you want to do) so just go for it.

Volunteer

Religious organizations

Charity is a strong emphasis for many religious establishments, and if you have a religious community there are bound to be on-going events you can be involved in.  Just ask what you can do to help, and you may be surprised how many opportunities exits.

Junior League

Major cities all across the US have local Junior League organizations.  The emphasis is community support through volunteer and fundraising activities, while also having a social aspect to it.   Having been a leaguer at two different Junior Leagues I can tell you that they all differ a bit in their expectations.  So consider some new member events to see if your local League is a good fit for you.

Get Fit

Join a Gym

If you have the time, money, and resources in your area joining a gym can be a great way to have more energy, be more relaxed, and find friends who share your interest.  And then there's that whole benefit of a healthier lifestyle thing.

Find an Online Fitness Community

If you don’t have the option to join a gym, or prefer home workouts, there are so many options for getting fit at home.  You could do an at-home workout program with online coaching (like a BeachBody program).  Or, you can find endless workout videos on YouTube for free.  The LDW Fitness Club is a great place for motivation and ideas.

Get Crafty

Ok.  So maybe it sounds a little cliché.  Settle down with a nice doctor, have a few kids, and start becoming a pro in all things domestic (cooking, crafting, sewing, knitting).  But it’s not just a 1950s stereotype.  It’s actually really relaxing to do those things, and fun to finally have the time/money/ability to be home to do them.  So where do you learn?  The Internet again to the rescue.  I just learned to sew in the last year – mostly through online video tutorials.  YouTube is great because it’s free.  But if you want something more elaborate consider a class from Craftsy.com .  Or, your local craft stores, like Joanns and Michaels, will do classes throughout the year and provide a great chance for hands-on learning.  Don't forget the talented doctors' wives.  Someone is bound to have good ideas on how to start and what resources to use.

Surround Yourself With Family

Change Your Perspective

Okay, I know what you’re thinking “we live 1,000 miles away from our family, I can’t be surrounded by them”.  Yep, I know what you mean.  But it’s a matter of perspective.  To survive the training, you want to have some non-related “family” in your life.  I know, it’s easier said than done.  But there may be a spouse organization at your school/residency program, or a local woman’s group, or a religious group that provides a good fit.  It may be situational and temporary, but there are people out there who will become your friends and function like family at times.

Build Your Immediate Family

If you still find yourself getting bored when your husband has a 30-hr weekend shift, or night call for the week, consider the ultimate option to eliminate your free time – children.  Nothing eats up your personal time like those adorable, bubbly little creatures.  It’s a good thing…..most of the time.  :-)

So hopefully the next time you are dreading his rotation in MICU, or that away rotation during 3^rd year, look back at this list and see how the world is an amazing place and this is an opportunity to embrace it.

About the Author

Amber is married to an ER physician in Colorado and write about all things domestic on her blog Chief Household Officer. 

Pre-Med Intro: Erin

Good Morning, Lovlies!

My name is Erin, I’m new to the LoDW community. 

I’m really excited to have been added on as a Pre-Med Wife contributor! 



My husband, Jake, and I are from the central Columbus, Ohio area. (O-H!!)

 We met in high school, through marching band my senior year, and have been together ever since. 

We have a little boy, Jaxon, who is 10 months old this month. 

He is the love of our lives and such a happy baby. Right now he is working on big boy front teeth and cruising the furniture. 

Jake has always known that he wanted to be in medicine… Well there was a small stint where he wanted to be a grocery store clerk because his cute little 6 year old self thought that they got to take home all the money.

Anyway, medicine and the idea of being a doctor has always been Jake’s passion. Once college started, he felt called to serve our country and join the Army National Guard as a Radiology Technologist. Jake’s decision to serve in the National Guard took his 4 year undergrad to a 6 year process. This included a 6 month stint in San Antonio and another 6 months in Washington DC for Advanced Training as a Rad Tech and clinicals, which was amazing for his professional development, and a year-long deployment to Afghanistan. 

It’s been quite a journey to get us to this point in Jake’s schooling. Challenges have always been present, whether it was just working full time while doing school full time, or Jake’s training and deployment.

MCAT 

We began the MCAT process while I was pregnant and Jake was taking his final semester of classes. Jake decided, after trolling the boards, that he was going to take his first MCAT without taking a course. Since a majority of his schooling has been online, Jake wanted to see what his ‘Base line’ would be.  It was an interesting time, for sure.

The first MCAT didn’t go as Jake expected. Even though he felt prepared, and being/just finishing all his science undergrad course helped.

His total score was lower than he wanted. It was a decent score, weighing a little heavier in one category… But not good enough for his standards. The distraction of our newborn, me being home on maternity leave, and just having moved in with his mom and step-dad didn’t help, I’m sure.

So the process started again. We didn’t have enough time to enroll him in a course and have it completed before the new year, and new test. So, independent study it was, again. This time he knew what to expect and his studying was set up differently. 

His score only went up by one point, overall. Each of the categories evened out… But that means he lost points in one category, while gaining in the others.

He was so disappointed in that fact and it was a shadow that we dealt with for a few days, but he had applications to complete, so thankfully he didn’t have long to dwell on it.

Applications

The first round of school applications were due 2 weeks after the 2^nd MCAT. My husband, the king of procrastination, who is amazing under pressure, has only preliminarily started his applications… It was a frantic 2 weeks, with a flurry of phone calls, emails and constant stress. We sent out the first applications the week before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately due to the lateness of his MCAT and the time crunch, we didn’t really know what we were doing and transcripts were returned to us.

We decided to rescind our applications and go forward only with our February applications.

I guess the doors closing on the empty applications is just pointing us in a more solid direction with Jacob's eventual school choice.

His applications for the February due date are now in. 

Praise the Lord!

I do believe that as his wife and the mother of our child that is my responsibility to make his experience with med school as easy and stress-free on the home front as possible. So, I try to make myself available for our family. 

Currently, until we get into med school, I work part time and send our little boy to my sister for babysitting during my working hours. This frees up time for my husband who is working second shift at the hospital. Our evenings together are few and far between. 

This set up, I believe, will prepare us for the years of irregularity that Med school and everything that comes with it. 

The life of a doctor and his family is very special one and, in the words of Dave Ramsey, you have to live like no one else, to live like no one else.

(If you are interested in learning more about me, I have a personal blog, Enamored & Elegant. Check it out!!!)

Residency Roundup: Duty Hours

I have noticed several reoccurring questions on our LDW facebook group about residency!  LDWblog is a perfect platform to provide answers that will be helpful to current and future resident wives. 

This week there was some questions/concerns about residency work hours and restrictions.  While I'm sure there are differences between how each specialty applies the rules, I wanted to post and dissect the real ACGME 2011 regulations for your guidance and information.
http://www.acgme.org/acgmeweb/Portals/0/PDFs/dh-ComparisonTable2003v2011.pdf

Here are my 'favorites':

-Duty hours must be limited to 80 hours per week, averaged over a four-week period, inclusive of all in-house call activities and all moonlighting.   http://www.acgme.org/acgmeweb/Portals/0/PDFs/dh-faqs2011.pdf  for more information in their FAQs.  You get desensitized to the 80 hour weeks!  Its the weeks that push that four week average up that are brutal.  I overheard someone who works for the state department, joyously talking about how much overtime pay they received for working only 52 hours...wouldn't that be something!  The second link to the FAQs has some great followup examples and explanations.  I personally did not expect all the Journal Club, Dissection Lab, Tumor Board type meetings that keep DrH away from home that is not added into the '80-hour work week'. 

-A Review committee may grant exceptions for up to 10% or a maximum of 88 hours to individual programs based on a sound educational rationale. So what programs cannot justify the 88 hours? Although they are suppose to get permission first;)  I know of a program (not ours, I promise) that keeps to the 80 hr average but has 'volunteer shifts' that put the intern hours way above regulations.  

-Residents must be scheduled for a minimum of one day free of duty every week (when averaged over four weeks).  At-home call cannot be assigned on these free days.  Four a month.  Are weekends really two days long??

- Duty periods of PGY1 residents must not exceed 16 hours in duration.  Seemed like a good idea.  But it makes the other PGY years make up for the hours.  PGY2 was not awesome.

-Duty periods of PGY2 residents and above may be scheduled to a maximum of 24 hours of continuous duty in the hospital.  Programs must encourage residents to use alertness management strategies in the context of patient care responsibilities.  Strategic napping, especially after 16 hours of continuous duty and between the hours of 10:00pm and 8:00 am in strongly suggested.  I find this standard a tad humorous... strategic napping...where and when does that fit in? At the computer? On an extra gurney? Haha...who likes to nap when your ridiculously loud pager can and will go off at any minute? 

- It is essential for patient safety and resident education that effective transitions in care occur.  Residents may be allowed to remain on-site in order to accomplish these tasks; however, this period of time must be no longer than an additional four hours.  This is a huge one!  Although, it covers practically any variable that could keep DrH at the hospital, it defines what their real job is: patient care and learning.  They cannot leave after stitching up half an ear, or ditch the last clinic appointment because time is up!


Hopefully, as this year moves along we can focus on the time together and less on time apart!  

Cheers!

Cami

Survivor Saturdays: Secrets of a Clean Freak

I was cleaning my house in preparation for a visit from my in-laws. It was no small task with M gone on another trip. After I put the finishing touches on our bedroom, I texted M with "room clean! show ur folks our closet and u will sleep there." I chuckled, and thought... what better topic to tackle for Survivor Saturdays, then surviving a daily task... housecleaning! Cleaning always took last priority when M was in residency. By the time I worked, picked up the kids, changed and fed them, paid the bills, did a load of laundry, and answered all my messages... I just didn't have much energy left. I am a clean freak, but I know when to let go.

My world changed when I hosted a cleaning party (I kid you not!) where a representative demonstrated cleaning supplies and techniques and gave advice on cleaning quickly. The tips were based on a book called Speed Cleaning. This company no longer does parties, but their website is still up and I order stuff from there all the time: The Clean Team. Take some time to click "All Products" and start going down the list. You'll love some of this stuff.

I also discovered a few tricks of my own that many of my friends have adopted and enjoyed. Here are my secrets to cleaning house quickly, and to my satisfaction...

General tips:

The first thing you need to do is get yourself a caddy. There are all kinds of cleaning caddies, but you can even use a tool caddy. Put everything you need to clean in the caddy, and move it from room to room with you. Clean each room completely rather than spending time running back and forth to sweep, then clean, then dust... get the picture? This saves valuable time. The caddy should have handy extras like a razor blade, paper towels, rags, garbage bag, etc. Also bring a laundry basket or box with you so you can collect things that don't belong there. Also, if you can, keep cleaning supplies under every bathroom sink. That makes for a quick and easy cleaning right when you see something, and it makes your caddy a lot lighter. Now, on to the dirty details.

Bathrooms:

The trick is to never let it get dirty. That cleaning company used to sell a product that made a silicone protective coating on the shower. Soap scum didn't form and everything beaded up and ran off. The product was discontinued due to HAZMAT laws, but I found that if I cleaned my shower walls and glass completely (magic erasers are great for that) and then used Rain-ex (the car glass stuff) all over, it does the same thing. The trick is to put two coats on the first time, and then clean and repeat every 2-3 months. In between, use a squeegy after showering. If your hubby isn't willing to participate, make him shower first, so you can shower and then squeegy down. Also try it on the mirrors, but know that some mirrors end up looking streaky. Don't know why. If you follow these simple tricks, all you have to do weekly is wipe down the sinks & toilets, and keep the floors clean.

Kitchen:

Get an herb chopper that has a straight blade (looks like a half-moon). Before you wipe down the counters, run the straight blade over the counters to remove any dried food debris. After you clean the counters, protect them with a product like Gel-Gloss or Rock Doctor's Granite Polish, depending on the surface. Clean and polish your dining table, and cover it with a tablecloth. If the doorbell rings, remove it and reveal a beautifully clean top. The rest of the time, the cloth can collect all the crumbs it needs to.

Living Room:

Designate a nearby small drawer, cabinet, or trunk to scoop and hide clutter when unexpected company comes. I actually installed a closed cubby between studs to hide stuff in. Prefab stud cubbies are expensive, but a small trunk in a corner works fine.

Bedrooms:

I let my boys designate one drawer for a junk drawer. When it won't shut, they have to sort through it. The rest of the time, I don't care what they do to clean their rooms. My husband is a bit harder. I surrendered our closet floor to him. He can drop anything and everything in there, as long as it isn't in our main bedroom where people can see. If I'm decluttering our room, I often scoop up his stuff and throw it in the closet. If he misses it, he looks for it there.

Carpets, Rugs, and Other Stainables:

I use this incredible product called Pet Oops that has enzymes you have to "wake up" by mixing it with warm water. This stuff eats up any bodily fluid... baby poop, blood, vomit, food, dog urine, etc. It literally disappears right in front of you. The key is NOT to use cleaning products before treatment because the chemicals kill those hungry little boogers and then they don't do their job. We used a whole bottle on a bed mattress once when our middle got a stomach virus. Amazing stuff.

Kids:

Don't make the mistake I made. Be firm and consistent in assigning chores to your kids. If you don't, the bad habits will escalate until the housework is overwhelming. M and I disagreed on how stern we should be with assigning chores... mainly because he knew HE would have to do some, too. After several years of getting nowhere, I decided to pick my battles. I could kick myself. Now here I am, with teenagers who have bad habits that are difficult to break. My husband realizes the price we're paying, but that's water under the bridge. If your spouse is not reinforcing your children picking up before moving on, taking dishes to the table, putting clothes in a hamper, and whatever daily chores you assign... fight that battle like nobody's business. You don't want to be where I am... trust me.

So now you know some of my cleaning secrets. I hope it saves you some time and makes cleaning a little more manageable.