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Lives of Doctor Wives: Stresses of Life

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Stresses of Life

although i'm only in my second year as a "doctor wife" i have already learned a lot. my husband and i have been married for almost 4 1/2 years and we just had our third baby in june. i've always thought of myself as a fairly balanced individual and one who doesn't stress out too easily. that felt like it was all going to come crashing down on me at times last fall.

one day my sister posted a link to an article from our church magazine written in 1994. the title "the stresses of life" first caught my eye and i didn't realize until i went back to read it that it was an article my mom had written. my mom is a social worker and very good at what she does (of course, i'm completely biased!). you can read it here (http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=e45f425e0848b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD) if you're interested. yes, i am lds (or mormon), but whether you are or not, i think there are definitely some good things to glean from this.

another good read is "spin sisters" by myrna blyth (if you look up the complete title you'll also know my political persuasion : ) and that's okay by me!). i recommend the book to everyone, but blyth has a chapter on stress toward the beginning that i think is really worth reading. it changed my way of thinking. it really helped me to see that we create so much of our own stress - and there is no need to. not only do we not need to, we shouldn't!

another thing i'd like to share is something i talked to my mom about last fall. i knew we were where we needed to be (still do and still are!) but i was often having a hard time with things (i had two boys 2 and under with a baby girl on the way). things often came down to me saying/thinking, "i know we need to be here for spencer. he needs to be in school at osu. we are where we need to be." my mom pointed out that if it's the right thing for us as a family and for spencer as an individual, it's the right thing for me as an individual - not just as a support for spencer, but for me to grow into the kind of person that i need to be and that God wants me to become. if we're here for spencer it means we're here just as much for me. at that point i started praying differently. it was no longer asking for help to be happy with my situation but to help me know what my purpose here is and to be happy with that.

something that i will continue to learn is to have zero expectation when it comes to spencer - not because he's a horrible husband and doesn't help, but because his schedule is such that he can't help in all the areas he'd like to. i've also lowered my expectations on what i want done around the house. i have three kids and they are my priority. i've also stopped feeling bad for not doing certain tasks around the house because if spencer really wanted them done, he could find the time to do it himself. i'm just grateful that he doesn't care so much about those things either and that he would rather spend his time with me and the kids when he has the chance.


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Blogger Married to a med student - Marissa Nicole said...

What a beautiful post! Thanks for sharing!

October 8, 2009 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Adriana said...

I had always thought about us being "here" because it was best for my husband and what he needed right now. I had never really thought about how it is what is best for me too. I know that our marriage is ten time stronger than it would have been had we not been placed into this situation. Great post!

October 8, 2009 at 10:24 AM  
Blogger Desiree said...

Great post! And I completely agree about the 'zero expectations' - that was one thing that rescued me last year. I set zero expectations and I am often pleasantly surprised. :)

October 8, 2009 at 1:07 PM  
Blogger Tasha said...

Yep, I'm definitely still adjusting to the lower expectations since I'm such a perfectionist and expect our apartment to look that way. Thanks for the article link--it is really good and true!

October 10, 2009 at 6:43 AM  
Blogger West Family said...

My husband and I are in our 2nd year of Ortho residency and I have 3 kids myself... it get's tough doing it on your own so much! I wish you luck and know that we are all in this together!! -Jan

October 24, 2009 at 11:31 AM  

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