Survivor Saturday--The "Family" Doc

Those of you with husbands in residency (or even some in medical school) are probably already aware of the phenomenon known as "free advice". Because your spouse is a physician, there are people in your life who will take advantage of that fact and will try to get his opinion on everything from the tiny little paper cut on their pinkie finger to the current health care crisis in America, regardless of his chosen specialty. Unfortunately, it comes with the territory, and I must admit that I'm guilty of it, too.

At no time was it more true for me than when I was pregnant with our son, since my husband was in his OB/Gyn residency then. Although I had my own OB to whom I went for my monthly visits, it was always much more convenient to turn to my husband when I had some question or concern weighing on my mind, like when I realized I had spent time in a hot tub before I even knew I was pregnant. I still occasionally go to him for advice, but I always feel guilty about it, since I've always had some notion that it's unethical to ask my own husband about such things. However, he's never seemed bothered by my concerns, especially when they really are something about which to be concerned. I don't know about your husbands, but mine never appears to get upset or anxious about anything. He's always been the calm, cool, collected one in our relationship, which is probably one of the reasons why I married him. He handles everything objectively and rationally, so when something doesn't seem to bother him, then I try to make certain it doesn't bother me either, even when we discovered our son was in a breech position late in my pregnancy and never turned before his birth.

It's probably my husband's calm, rational demeanor that gives some of our family members the idea it's okay to ask him about their particular medical conditions. If you haven't experienced this yet, it will definitely happen at some point after your husband starts practicing medicine. One day, he'll get a call from a parent or a sibling or a friend wanting to know what could possibly be causing this particular pain in this particular part of the body or why this particular thing is happening to this part of the body or whatever. I don't exactly know what our husbands are told in medical school or residency about how to handle these situations, but mine is usually fairly nice when it happens. He either gives his honest opinion if it's something that is within his realm of expertise, or he tells the person that he/she should seek the advice of another physician for his/her situation.

Sometimes, someone will ask your husband about his opinion on a medical diagnosis given them by their own physician. This has also happened to my husband, who told the person that they should seek advice from a specialist, and although nothing really came of it, it could have caused trouble, because the person went back to their physician and told him about my husband's advice. I'm sure no physician likes to hear that his/her patient is going behind his/her back for medical information, unless he/she recommends a second opinion in the first place. Of course, with the advent of the Internet and the massive amount of medical websites that are available to everyone, physicians are dealing with this all the time. But, I digress.

Another situation that may arise is a family member or friend may ask your husband for a new prescription or a refill on an existing prescription. Maybe someone else with more experience can weigh in on the ethics of this practice, which I have a feeling is illegal, unless the person is actually his patient. I, personally, have asked my husband to help me get a refill on my EpiPen (which still hasn't happened, because we both have been too busy to really think about it), but I go to his office for my medical care, so, technically, he is my physician. I still feel weird that I asked for it, though.

Any number of things can happen because your husband is now a physician. It can be much worse when he's a physician from a medical family. My husband's mother is a nurse, and his two sisters are both pharmacists. I'm not going to get into specifics, but I have heard so many arguments over certain drugs or the latest medical opinions on specific diseases or diagnostic tests that I sometimes just want to walk out of the room and find a quiet place to myself. It can all be so annoying and frustrating to the wife of a physician (and, most likely, the physician himself), but I think the most important thing is how the physician deals with these situations as they arise. If he knows when it's okay to speak his mind and when he should just walk away, then I think he's definitely cut out for the medical profession. But, of course, that's just my opinion. :)
Amanda--wife of an OB/Gyn and survivor