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Lives of Doctor Wives: Positive

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Positive

How do you keep a positive attitude. I have fallen into the i'll be happy in the future, i'll start living when etc etc etc. Its a horrible way to think and live, so how do you do it?

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11 Comments:

Blogger Melisa said...

I don't do it. I'm still working on it. I try to not live in the future but the present is so hard!!!

October 7, 2009 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Perfect timing for this post for me. We're currently daydreaming of buying houses once we move to my DH's residency location next year, and I just can't seem to keep my mind in the here and now!

Maybe one thing we should remember is that we'll never get this time back; we'll never be this age again, and while we may be uncomfortable in some aspects of our lives, surely there are other parts that we will look back on and smile.

October 7, 2009 at 11:33 AM  
Anonymous Eileen said...

I am having the SAME issue and my bf is only an MSIII. I am basically killing myself trying to finish my MBA so I can graduate when he does and go..well, where ever... I thought about this lately, that I am letting precious time just tick by waiting for something to happen, to know where we are going, to settle down. I need to learn to live for right now. I would love to know how as well.

October 7, 2009 at 1:16 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Although many days I am not very good at it... I try to look for the silver lining. We have a small house... so I try to think that it is less work for me to keep up with my toddler b/c he has less places to get into where I am out of earshot. Or that at least I will be very grateful for this or that (a/c in the car, buying what I want to at the market, etc.) or happy that I will know how I want my house cleaned so that I can give very clear instructions to a housekeeper one day (ha! will that ever really happen??) Anyway, thinking like that does help a little... but really, some days are just better than others. I would like to say that I think of the big picture, and how blessed we are, etc. But that isn't really what plays out in my mind if I am just letting my mind wander. I have to very deliberately remind myself that we have so much more than many, and that I have no room to complain. In actuality, it is easier to try and find the good than it is for me to constantly conceptualize the big picture. I hope that helps... although I just read it back to myself and I wonder, does it even make sense??

October 7, 2009 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger faith said...

there's so much that races around in my mind when i think of this - i'll try to keep it simple. i actually just sent something to lex about dealing with stress that kind-of fits. that may get posted soon.
my husbands an msII. we were married for his last three years of undergrad and we have three little kids, so i feel like i've learned a few things already!

this first thing may seem silly, but i like to take pictures and get them printed off to put into albums. i love being able to look at captured images (on paper) of my family. they make me smile. seeing that my kids are happy immediately makes me happy. it reminds me that there is so much that we have that we don't need. being able to look through a book and see my kids' and husband's smiling faces (and occasionally my own!) does wonders for me.

the more substantial thing i do is think about what my purpose is - whether it's my purpose in life, this year, month, or even just today. i used to try to talk myself out of being frustrated by telling myself that i know we're where we need to be. my husband is supposed to be in med school. we were meant to uproot ourselves from family and friends and move half-way across the country. but i got so stuck on it being for my husband. my mom helped me realize that my husband and i are a team. if it's right for him, it's right for me and there's a purpose for me in all of this. i may not have figured it out completely, but i've been able to find bits and pieces along the way so far because i've been looking for it. this has made a significant difference in my life.

i hope this helps.

October 7, 2009 at 2:35 PM  
Blogger Jeni said...

My dad, who is a physician, tried to talk us out of it because the road is so hard, but he also said that looking back, these years were their happiest because they were poor and humble. They didn't have much, except for themselves and their children.

I have three children and try to remember daily not to wish away my 'todays'. I just keep reminding myself that it's not going to get less stressful later (mortgage, medical practice, children, kids in school and other activities). This is our life NOW. Life will not get less stressful or less busy after medical school and residency. I love the quote on the header: "Be happy for this moment: This moment is your life". The grass is always greener on the other side, but really it's not. You can be happy at whatever stage you are in. I have a friend who says, "Attitude determines altitude." It's all about perspective.

October 7, 2009 at 11:11 PM  
Blogger --Leann-- said...

I struggle with it that so much. I've noticed that I just recently have been happier "in the now", but it's not so much being happy about the now... it's being happy that the 'now' is going to be over in 9 months.


I wont accept the idea that the grass is not greener after residency. No more crazy resident hours, resident requirements. My husband, my children's father will be HOME MORE. Tell me how that is not greener. How can more time together NOT be better?

I'll accept that life does continue rolling and things happen and children grow up and.. and.. and...

But those are not the things holding me down. Instead, holding me down are: rare time with my husband and the residency that requires so much of him and causes him to choose work over family.

The grass is greener on the attending side.

October 7, 2009 at 11:42 PM  
Blogger Married to a med student - Marissa Nicole said...

I struggle with this as well. And it is not that I am not happy now - because I absolutely am, but I very much wish we were closer to friends and family. I also wish we had a little more money (it doesn't help that some of our friends and family just don't "get it.") But then I realize that our next step which is residency is TWICE as long as this leg of the journey and there is a great probability we will be even farther away. So for me I am happy now because I am a bit afraid of the next step. But I do think of the day when we won't struggle financially, but I also realize that going through these tough times is what makes our marriage stronger and closer, and for that I am grateful.

October 8, 2009 at 9:40 AM  
Blogger Gail said...

Live now! I know it's difficult but everyone please stop and realize NOW is your life.

October 8, 2009 at 3:21 PM  
Blogger B'Aylana said...

Hi everyone! I'm new to this blog and haven't posted before. But this is an important issue. Living in the present moment is not only about having the right frame of mind, but taking action. My husband is M4 and we're looking forward to upcoming interviews. It is very difficult to be focused on what's going on right now and not looking to what's going to happen in the future. So here's what I do:

I've very involved in my religious community. That gives me projects to work on and events to look forward to that do not have anything to do with med school.

I try to maintain friendships here in my area. Coffee breaks with the girls, etc.

I have part time job teaching aerobics and belly dance at the local YMCA.

And I play with my kids and am focusing on the upcoming holiday. So, right now, we're talking a lot about Halloween.

I hope that helps. Blessings,
B'Aylana

October 9, 2009 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I agree with Gail. If you only focus on the future, your life will pass you by. I'll admit that I have a list of ways to pamper myself someday (regular manis/pedis, lasik eye surgery, updating my wardrobe, and a cleaning lady and most of all-a fenced yard for my children to play it!) but another side of me isn't going to believe any of it until it happens. Consequently, I don't really let myself think about it too much. I don't know if that is a good thing or bad but I like to think that learning to appreciate my current "humble life" will help keep me humbled in the future.

October 16, 2009 at 11:54 PM  

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