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Lives of Doctor Wives: Just Keep Swimming

Monday, March 1, 2010

Just Keep Swimming

As the past 8 years have passed, I have become more and more used to my husband’s crazy schedule.  This last 5 months of residency are becoming the hardest months that we have endured during our marriage.  We will still have another year of training after this, the here and now is hard.  I take huge security in the fact that my husband and I are able to communicate about anything, but it still doesn’t change the long months of time my husband spends away from our familial unit.  The part that is harder than those long months is that when he is here, his time is filled with a horrid schedule to make up for the time that he has been away.  Essentially, he is here and yet he is not here.  It’s driving me crazy. 

I am over the brunt of my feelings on the subject.  It’s a form of mourning, I think.  I am to acceptance, I think.  I’ve also come to the realization that the strength we have in our communication and love for one another is what will see us through.  I can see how couples find themselves in situations of unhappiness during this process. 

In the words of Dory on Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…”


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Blogger Melisa said...

So sorry girl. Believe me, I understand. It was a tough 7 months, but it was amazing how close we grew during that time. Tough, but worth it.

March 1, 2010 at 9:52 PM  
Blogger JumpingJane said...

It seems like there are so many rough patches during this long adventure. I like the Keep Swimming mantra. It made me smile. Thanks. :)

March 2, 2010 at 6:37 AM  
Blogger Mrs T #3 said...

Do you mind me asking what specialty your husband is pursuing? As the wife of an MSIII, these tough stories are often a harsh but necessary reality to prepare for!

March 2, 2010 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger TheFamousStacie said...

That is rough. It is especially hard with residency because you are taken where ever the match has sent you, most likely away from your support system, and dropped into a place where you don't know anyone and then DrH basically leaves you all alone in the new place for obscene lengths of time.

You are supposed to manage with a smile on your face, counting your future stacks of gold coins.

Fake it 'till you make it, just keep swimming, this too shall pass, life what happens when we're busy making other plans... oh and my personal constant - clean is free.. all montras we use to get ourselves through the muck of residency.

The long hours, the lack of enough money to make ends meet, the nights alone watching abc.com and YouTube (I've watched over 7,000 videos, btw)

It's so hard and lonely a lot of the time. The best thing for me has always been to find the other resident spouses and seek support there, but where I am now doesn't have much in the way of a resident spouse alliance. Perhaps you do there?

In the most positive way possible, misery loves company! It can be so reassuring to know that you are not alone. That other people can relate to the struggles that you feel alone in.

In fact, I am really glad you posted this because it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one having to "just keep swimming."

March 2, 2010 at 9:00 AM  
Blogger Another Mommy in the Blogosphere said...

Yep! I can totally relate! One of the things I have found the hardest is exactly what you said, even when he's here and home, there's work to be done (reading for journal club, working on research, prepping for the next day's surgeries, etc). It's tough. My time with my DrH is minimal and it seems we must spend that time focusing on those things that are most pressing at the moment. He's in fellowship now so we are nearing the end of an 11-year journey. This has been the toughest year for us. I've survived it (so far!) by thinking of the light at the end of the tunnel. Just a few more months!!

By the way, "just keep swimming" is exactly what I repeat to myself most days as a SAHM to 3 kids 4 and under!

March 2, 2010 at 12:14 PM  
Blogger Jennifer Juniper said...

My husband is in the hospitality business and I can remember some crazy schedules where I would see him for weeks on end during busy season. Just keep plugging away!

March 2, 2010 at 1:55 PM  
Blogger Married to a med student - Marissa Nicole said...

I'm sorry your going through a rough patch, but just remember that the lows can only last so long.
And I used the just keep swimming motto all through law school, and during my husbands away rotations, I am sure I will be using it through the many years of residency and beyond!

March 2, 2010 at 2:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks all!

@MsT3: He's in his last year of anesthesia (a relatively painless residency) and will start a 1 year fellowship in pain management in July.

@TheFamousStacie: Luckily we have somehow managed to stay in the same place for med school, residency, and soon, fellowship. I don't have family anywhere near, but I do have some pretty good friends in our Alliance. I've been here so long that I don't have too many in the same boat as I anymore though. It's nice to come on here and read everyone's responses. Puts things into perspective a bit.

Thanks everyone...I really needed to hear all of this.

March 2, 2010 at 10:51 PM  
Blogger Tif said...

I've been thinking about this ver thing lately and it is so good to know that I am not alone!! I love the reminder to "just keep swimming!" Thank you!! :)

March 3, 2010 at 12:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've got an award for this blog that will post at my blog tomorrow! I find that I come here for inspiration and fellowship quite often and wanted you to know that it really does mean a lot to me.

March 3, 2010 at 10:40 PM  

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