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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Baby Fever!!!

Hi! My husband is a soon-to-be MS1. I know it is going to be a major change of pace when he is in school, but I am here for him all the way! The one thing is... right now I am getting MAJOR baby fever. I wonder what everyone's opinions are on having a baby while your hubby is in medical school??

Labels: advice needed, family dynamics, medical school

33 Comments:

Melisa said...: Our oldest was 6 months when Brad started. We had our second baby during MSII and our third MS IV. So, I'm all for it! Is it hard? Yes. But is it ever easy to have a baby?? I haven't regretted my decision a single second. Makes finances tighter, but the rewards come in hugs and kisses. :o); September 15, 2010 at 5:33 PM
kBw said...: My husband is in MSIII and we've been having this discussion for two years. We decided that for us it made sense to wait to start trying until his third year because the first to years are rough, especially on him. I didn't want to stress him out more by having him have to choose between school/studying and spending time with me/his child. Having said that, I think the timing is different for each couple. If y'all think you're ready then go for it :) best of luck!! xo; September 15, 2010 at 5:55 PM
Mommy and Wife said...: Wow, I definitely am in the same boat! I am having big time baby fever. And my hubby is going into pediatrics. So, he comes home everyday telling me about all the babies and kids he's seen all day, and it just makes me want them even more! For us, we decided to wait until after intern year. That way, med school is out of the way, DH is making money (as little as it may be!) and then we can hopefully afford for me to be a SAHM.; September 15, 2010 at 6:27 PM
Marv Loucks said...: When my hubby started MS1 we had a 3 year old and a 1 year old. We had number 3 between his 2nd and 3rd years. I think you make it work if you have one. We did it and we were still able to get through it with the average med school debt at his school. Is it hard? Yes. Manageable? Definitely. Do what is best for you and don't let anyone tell you what you should or should not do!; September 15, 2010 at 6:42 PM
Unknown said...: I'll let you know in TWO MONTHS, as we're expecting our first. My husband is in his second year. We always discussed waiting until his fourth year, but SURPRISE!! :) We feel like this was God's way of saying, "your plan sucked, this one's better" or however God would eloquently put it lol

This "plan," or lack-there-of, works a lot better for us because my husband's schedule is a lot more relaxed. If we decided to wait until his fourth year, he'd be on away-rotations, then we'd be packing up to move to who-knows-where for his residency on a Naval base.

With that being said, we could be working on our second by then anyway. I've heard time and time again... No time is perfect. But it always works out!!! Good luck to you!! I say GO FOR IT! hehe

(Come follow me if you want to see how it works out for us!); September 15, 2010 at 7:09 PM
Kim said...: I agree with the above comments. Katie I especially like your comment about God's plan...SO true! We had a 3 month old when DH started med school (God's plan not ours). We had our second during MSII and our third during MSIV in January (luckily after rotations and interviews were over). Here we are in intern year and I'm so glad that things have happened the way they have for us. DH is SO much busier in residency than he ever was in school. During school he had to study a lot but they also have holiday breaks, summer break after first year, sometimes classes get out early, and during 3rd and 4th year some of DH's rotations were super chill and not stressful for him at all. He was able to spend more time at home during med school than he has or will during residency. Like the others said it is harder but do-able, but for us we wanted a family and the rewards are worth it. :) Good luck to you!; September 15, 2010 at 7:24 PM
Beth Hollenbeck said...: First of all, congrats to your husband starting med school (and for you supporting him to get there!) and on your one year anniversary. Exciting times! I am all for having children during medical school and can say from experience it is doable, albeit challenging, and I wouldn't change it for anything. DrH is a 3rd year ortho resident now and I really enjoy having older kiddos right now to venture out and about since we are on our own a lot. I had a baby MSII right before Step 1...he was born with Down syndrome and needed open heart surgery at 5 months. We did it! I had my second little guy fall of MSIV in the midst of residency interviews. We did it! I say go with your heart and have faith in God's plan for you and your husband. You'll be surprised at all you can handle! Best of luck with your decision!; September 15, 2010 at 7:46 PM
faith said...: I'll just throw in my two cents that I think whatever you need to do will work out. We started med school with a 2-year-old and a 6-month-old. We added our third right after first year ended and we're expecting our fourth the middle of third year. Yes, it's challenging, but so is life - whatever God's plan for you. It's also just wonderful!

Good luck with school and all else!; September 15, 2010 at 8:14 PM
Amy said...: We're trying right now- my husband is an MSII. For us, we realized there was no point waiting as things aren't likely to get better in terms of timing (is there ever really a good time?). I am a little worried though because I plan to keep working so we'll both be crazy busy- we'll see how that goes. :); September 15, 2010 at 8:16 PM
Allison said...: I think it depends on how old you are.

Through personal experience, I wouldn't wait because you never know what will happen.

Good Luck!; September 15, 2010 at 8:21 PM
Anonymous said...: I totally have baby fever too, but we are in MSIV year now.

But I can say that I've heard from many people that they are glad they had children during med school. And I know personally that one of my husband's classmates got pregnant herself during HER second year of med school and her husband's fourth year of med school. Two medical students, expecting a baby, and now she is in her 4th year expecting a second. I've heard that she is glad she did it this way, even though it did add stress and work. She, by the way, was and still is the very top of their medical school class. Insanity. Baby and med school and still at the top.; September 15, 2010 at 9:11 PM
Liz said...: I think having children adds a depth to the medical student/resident's knowledge, compassion, love, understanding, and personality. I definitely think it is more stressful to have children (we had our fourth during the first month of residency/intern year), but for us it was wonderful. I love having my kids to do things with now when my husband is doing 18 or 24 hour shift. They are older (oldest is 8) and super fun. I know when we move that we will have each other to entertain one another and keep company until we build our new community. Everyone is so different though - good luck deciding! Welcome to the site!; September 15, 2010 at 10:59 PM
Amanda E. said...: We had our first at the very beginning of MSIII and it has worked out very well. I wanted to have #2 this spring, but our timing has not worked out...we now hope to have #2 at the beginning of his intern year of residency (I know, hideous, but we want a close spacing between the first two). I really like that we started in medical school because I know residency is going to consume much more of his time, at least during the first two years or so.; September 15, 2010 at 11:14 PM
SeekerofGrace said...: Hi Hillary! When my husband started MSI we had a 4 month old, and it was no problem! I just got used to being a single parent. We had our second baby right before boards at the end of MSII. *Any other time* would have been awesome except for 3 weeks before his board exam, lol! So try to avoid that if possible. I am also trying to avoid the window right before and during intern year of residency based on the experiences of others I have heard of - a new city and drh's new crazy hours + a baby and (in my case) another c-section recovery = not for me! (Plus that would mean me raising 3 little ones as a virtual single parent). Any other time I think is doable. :); September 15, 2010 at 11:21 PM
Kristi said...: My husband and I have been having this discussion for years. He took a year off of med school to get a master's degree and is now in his fourth year of med school, or fifth year of post-grad work. Our plan was to wait until residency because I currently am the primary breadwinner and my salary pays all the bills. There's no way we could afford daycare or for me to be a stay at home mom without some income coming from my husband.

We bought a house his first year of med school so that part is already out of the way. Unfortunately, though we have family in town, we can't rely on them for child care. They'll be there in a pinch and probably when we need it most, but we can't rely on them for our day-to-day.

We're currently thinking of starting to try this winter, if we have to move for residency I don't want to have to move a baby too. Lately, I'm thinking maybe we should wait until after he matches so that at the worst, the baby would come toward the end of the intern year.

I still don't know, and I have no idea if I'll ever be able to figure it out. We may have to just pull the trigger and hope for the best.

I know a lot of med students and residents with families-everyone makes it work somehow. If the time is right for you, go for it! There will always be more reasons to hold off than there are reasons to try.; September 16, 2010 at 9:13 AM
DJ & Megan said...: My husband finished residency 2 years ago and we still haven't started a family. We have some friends who had children during medical school and they really struggled financially and mentally until residency was over. Due to the low salary most residency programs offer, it can make it pretty tight. I am so glad that we didn't start a family during medical school or residency. We were able to enjoy all the fun and exciting times during MS and residency. Now, we're able to travel and enjoy all the hard work that was put into our new life.

Good luck with whatever you decide, but please remember that you may end up feeling like a single parent b/c of their class schedule and work schedule during residency. If you're able to deal with that...go for it!; September 16, 2010 at 8:22 PM
DJ & Megan said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; September 16, 2010 at 8:22 PM
Tif Sweeney said...: I shared my opinion on this very question a couple of years ago here: http://ourmedicallives.blogspot.com/2008/08/expanding-your-family.html

Good luck with whatever you decide to do! :); September 17, 2010 at 9:13 PM
words from the wise{s} said...: My husband is in his intern year and we are planning on waiting until after residency (a 5 year program is over). We hardly get to see each other as it is and we aren't ready to share each other with a baby yet...plus, this will make it a lot less stressful financially as well. I know tons of people who have kids in their med school or residency years and it definitely can be done...it's just not for us :); September 18, 2010 at 12:09 PM
K said...: I'm being real here: Don't do it...

...unless you have admirable and infinite strength, dedication and courage to embark on this incredible journey as what will at times feel like being a single mom.

Having said that, the first two years of medical school are relatively easier in terms of hours so you will probably have more help (but not much?) for the first two years.

But it's such a huge change in lifestyle.

We're waiting until after residency.; September 18, 2010 at 12:32 PM
Cheri said...: I have read many of the comments and need to voice my opinion. I think it depends on you two. Some people should have kids during med school or residency. It works for them. Others it does not. My husband and I are waiting until after residency and again after my doctorate programs ends (2 yrs. after residency). We are doing this because this is what works for our family. You need to decide what works for you. I can tell you it will be difficult if you have kids while in med school/residency, but that does not mean it wouldn't be worth it. You really need to work with your husband to decide what works for your family. This may be a general statement, but it is true.; September 19, 2010 at 5:44 PM
Sybil said...: My husband and I planned on having a baby towards the end of residency. We got married just before medical school started and although I wanted a baby in med school, we just couldn't afford a baby and live the way we wanted to. We saved our money and prepared to become parents BUT...I couldn't get pregnant. We have been trying now for 2 years and I have been seeing a reproductive obgyn for the last 6months. As it turns out, I have PCOS and it can make getting pregnant difficult. Sometimes I wish we had tried sooner to conceive but you never know about these things until you try.; September 20, 2010 at 6:25 PM
Emily Kathleen said...: I'm a little late on responding to this one, but better late than never I suppose! My husband is in MSIII right now and I am starting to get baby fever too! Several of his classmates have children and I've heard from wives a few years ahead of us that MSIV is a good time to start. We keep going back and forth this! It seems like starting a family during med school would be more difficult (definitely financially), but if it's right for y'all then go for it!; September 22, 2010 at 10:31 PM
Colleen said...: I can only say we prayed about it and this is what was right for us and it has worked out perfectly. We had our first the week after my husband started MSI and our second the end of MSII. Now he is MSIV and it has been just fine. I run an in-home preschool so I can stay home with the boys. We are currently wanting to try for baby #3, but with so many unknowns before Match Day, we have decided to wait until we at least know where we are going. I don't want to be huge pregnant and trying to pack up and sell our house, while Ben is off starting his first year of residency! So baby #3 will probably make an appearance while Ben is in his first year of residency...or maybe at the beginning of year 2. He is doing Emergency Med - so it is only a 3 year residency in most places.

The major thing I learned from the whole med school experience is that I am stronger and can handle much more than I think I can, and when I feel like my decisions are in line with what God wants for me/us, He always helps me get through.

Good luck!!; September 23, 2010 at 7:29 PM
Tif Sweeney said...: @ Emily Kathleen . . . I would be very hesitant about having a baby in fourth year! I had my second then and really do not recommend it! Remember, this is the prime time for out rotations and interview traveling and moving. There's enough going on and I know that it was a very difficult time for me. Every person's situation is different, so it may work for others. Just wanted to share my experiences since that is when I did have a baby and I would never wish that on anyone else!! (Not the baby because she is my little princess, but the situation is more what I'm referring to!)

I listed my link earlier and talked about this in more detail, so this is a very shortened, possibly more blunt version!! :); September 25, 2010 at 12:24 AM
Kim said...: We had our third child during MSIV and she was planned that way. We got pregnant when we wanted to and she was delivered in January. For us this was wonderful because my husband was done with all interviews and away rotations, he had no boards to study for, and lucky for him he was on some very relaxed rotations the end of fourth year where he worked minimal hours. He saved all his vacation days for the end of the year and was completely done with school early April. It was a busy time though. We moved across the country and bought our first home in May. He of course began intern year the end of June, but basically he had been home for the five months prior due to his relaxed schedule, vacation, graduation, and time off before intern year. I specifically avoided getting pregnant at a time when I would give birth during interview season though as that did seem stressful to me.

I just wanted to add that having a baby fourth year doesn't have to be all that bad. Depending on your specific situation and that of your husband it could be one of the best times too!; September 25, 2010 at 3:17 PM
Unknown said...: My husband is a MSIV who has had one away rotation already, and his currently on the other side of the country in 2 more month long away rotations this fall. Then he comes back for his interviews EVERYWHERE in December and January -- since he's applying for a competitive specialty, we are totally committed to making this year about HIM because in the end it will be about US. We got married last December during his holiday break --cause let's be honest after second year med school is there are only 2 times a year to get married! Right now we are planning where to live for residency and what job I will have where he is assigned -- and I personally cannot imagine having to plan for a child too. Though I do want to have kids in his residency -- we are both committed to making this last year of med school about planning for his career. He wants to fellowship too -- and that is decided pretty soon into the residency. My suggestion to is to get DOGS before having babies!!! We have two -- and they are our handful!! I work two jobs (teaching and tutoring on weekends) to assist us financially. Thankfully, we will not have medical school debt -- but we have had to make a lot of sacrifices in terms of time to make it that way. Please consider finances. Though some say you have more "time" MSIV -- my husband does not because of the field he is applying for -- we knew this year was not going to be easy for us -- with him being gone most of our first year of marriage. In the long run -- we hope the decisions not to start a family early and to stay out of debt will allow us the best family planning options in the next few years -- hope this helps! Love and best wishes to you all!; September 26, 2010 at 2:05 PM
Ashley said...: I am doing that right now! My husband is MSII, but we got pregnant right before he started his first year. We got married, got pregnant a few weeks later, moved 1900 miles away from both our families, and then he started med school all in the matter of two months! It was a tiny bit overwhelming, to say the least.

I will say that it is hard, but totally doable. The hardest part was actually my PPD; his demanding study schedule was hard, but not at all as hard as I thought. We were not trying to get pregnant, but I'm so glad we did because we might have been too scared to try during any part of this long journey to him becoming a doctor.

This is just my experience so I don't want to tell you to do it, but I wanted you to know that it is possible and even enjoyable!

Good Luck on your decision!

If you would like, here is my blog about being a mama while married to a med student... ashleyandaric.blogspot.com :); October 30, 2010 at 8:30 PM
R said...: I would say if you're getting pregnant during med school, 2nd year is better than 3rd year. While the 2nd half of 4th year is a break--after interviews and everything is over--I hate to break it to you, but it just gets busier and harder from here on out (unless he's doing dermatology or radiology).
We had our 1st child during 3rd year and it was really hard on all of us because of my husband's long hours (24+ hours) during his rotations. We had another child during intern year. We pretty much had them during the worst years. But we did it. My advice (and how I got through a newborn in intern year) is have lots of help. My mom came for a week, my sister for a week, and my inlaws for a week. Sooooooo much better!!

Hopefully you have easy pregnancies, but it's not just the baby that is hard. I'm sure you know sometimes you are so sick you are on the couch all day puking your guts out (at least I am). So I have to now plan my next pregnancy taking this into account.; November 3, 2010 at 9:40 PM
Brandi Hastings said...: When my husband started medical school we had two kids. We had our third during his third year and are SURPRISINGLY about to have our fourth in the middle of his first year of residency. Honestly, I wouldn't change one minute of it. It may make finances a little more difficult and dividing your time up a little harder but the love and support you get from a family like that just made him work harder and excel more. If you have a good support of friends and prayers you will get through just fine. It all works out. Plus this is a great time because your kids are so young they don't really understand if you are poor or rich, just as long as your provide for them physically and emotionally.; November 7, 2010 at 1:18 AM
The Andersons said...: Probably late in posting but- we had two kids when we started, a 20 month old and a (surprise!) 6 week old, who had just been diagnosed with CP from a stroke... DH is now in the middle of his 3rd year of MS and we have a 3 week old. Wouldn't have it any other way! I work full time as an RN on the weekends (night shift) and until MS3, we only needed an occasional sitter for a few hours so he could study. It was much easier to have little kids during MS1 and 2- there are no absolute weekends or overnight call- and really, anything is possible if you want it enough. We decided that this whole journey was plenty long (and we'd already been married 5 years when he started), so no reason to put all of our other goals on the back burner until he's done. I think having the little ones at home has made it a bit easier for him- yes we live extra tight because there are now 5 of us on my income, but he HAS to relax and be Dad when he gets home because the 4 year old wouldn't have it any other way. HTH!; November 16, 2010 at 2:16 PM
Unknown said...: I know this post was from a while ago; however, I have a question that stems from this. I am also having severe baby fever, but my dr. h is extremely concerned about money and doesn't know how my income alone can support us. How does everyone make it work? Any suggestions?; December 17, 2013 at 11:28 AM
Lives of Doctor Wives said...: Kylie, this is discussed frequently on our FB group! Are you on there?

Melisa; December 17, 2013 at 5:02 PM

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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Baby Fever!!!

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