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Lives of Doctor Wives: Stereotypes

Monday, March 30, 2009


Today in Medical Mondays at a blog I look at often, Joy wrote about stereotypes and it really is something that I deal with a lot. I actually have heard from close friends things like aren't you afraid that he will cheat on you, since you know doctors always cheat, those things are hurtful and even though I trust my husband it still bothers. I also get "oh a doctor that must be nice" referring to all the money I must have (but dont)from people I don't know very well. Its simply annoying.

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OpenID joz1234 said...

This is one of the reasons we don't like telling everyone what he does for a living. I had to tell a nurse at the hospital when I was getting a CAT scan that my husband would be coming and to look out for him. He was working and so it was easiest to describe him as a doctor and give his name (him wearing the white coat and everything). When I did this, she looked at me with this dreamy look and said, "He's a doctor? You are so lucky!" I even notice my inlaws are "woosey" over the doctor thing. My father in law wants to let everyone know what his son does. My sister-in-law (not his sister--his brother's wife) has referred to him as "the doctor" (waggles eyebrows suggestively).
I try to ignore it, but it is definitely harder to ignore when said directly to you. They have no idea what it means other than $$ (and we don't have much of that either).

March 30, 2009 at 3:42 PM  
Blogger Married to a med student - Marissa Nicole said...

Speaking of stereotypes - the words I want associated with doctor are SMART and HARDWORKING (although lets face it - thats not always true with drs).

Its hard because your career is PART of who you are so you do want to share it with people - but sometime its easier not too - p.s. I deal with double the cheating/divorce/money stereotypes because I'm an attorney - yep that's right I am a dirty, lying, cheating lawyer!

March 30, 2009 at 4:55 PM  
Blogger Jessi said...

Oh, Marissa Nicole....one of my very best friends just finished up a divorce after 5 years (4 of which were in med school). 6 months into his Intern year (10 hours away--she stayed behind to keep working and sell the house), she found out he was cheating (with a MSIII). In the end, she got NOTHING....I completely agree with the comment you left on Joy's post--there needs to be some kind of legal agreement for supporting your hubby through 4 years of you.fill.in.the.blank (something related to getting her hands on potential earnings)!

Anyway...I often laugh at the stereotype of having "all this money". I.just.can't.seem.to.find.it. Granted, we are only PGY1s, but after paying back the $200,000 in med school debt, putting multiple children through college, paying higher federal taxes due to a higher tax bracket, and stashing some away for retirement...what's left to "enjoy"? Plus, I think if we want to take a nice exotic vacation, buy a new car, or upgrade our home once we're "all done" (right, will it ever end?), I say it's our right....look at everything that we've gone through...folks don't even know the half of it.

March 30, 2009 at 5:10 PM  
Blogger Married to a med student - Marissa Nicole said...

To clarify such legal agreements may be a good idea, but not for ME (and I get sick of hearing it) - I trust my husband and if he were to cheat there would be much bigger torture involved than to take his money (but as a lawyer all my peers/coworkers are telling me that I need one)... but I do think that spouses should get compensated in a divorce if they supported a student even if no such agreement exists because affairs DO happen - some people may say I'm ignorant but I'd like to think that my husband and I are different and therefore there will be no written agreements in our relationship.

March 30, 2009 at 8:34 PM  
Blogger Jessi said...

I whole heartedly agree, even if such agreement were available, it wouldn't be for me/us either. I just think it SUCKED that my friend was given nothing in the divorce. ;-)

March 30, 2009 at 9:23 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I whole-heartedly trust my husband, but there were times during his residency when my self-esteem wasn't all that great, and I had difficulties spending time with him when we were hanging out with his colleagues. The rest of the residents in his year were women, and it took me a while to really warm up to them, mostly because I never felt as smart as they (I have an education degree), and because whenever we got together, they would always talk about work. It got better over time, and I realized it was silly for me to feel that way. I am tired of the stereotypes, mostly from my family. My mother loves to tell people I married a doctor, and she even calls him for medical advice sometimes, which kind of upsets me. Also, I realized how differently you get treated when your spouse suddenly works in a higher-paying position. Buying a house, buying a car, starting a new checking account, etc., suddenly everyone's really friendly to you. I have to admit that we're financially doing very well right now, since he finished residency and is practicing. However, I remember how it was when he was in medical school and even residency, and we were just scraping by.

March 31, 2009 at 2:04 PM  

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