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Monday, July 13, 2009

Teens - Children Trapped in Big Bodies

This past Survivor Saturdays post was about how our children suffer quietly through residency. Someone commented that it would be nice for me to share more specifics about what I learned as I raised my children. Since I was already working on an article for my own website, I thought I would include a jump to it in case any of you are interested.

My children are all teenagers, but my recent trials taught me that had I done things differently, I may have avoided some of the trouble that came to be.

original URL Teens Are Children Trapped in Big Bodies

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Labels: children, family dynamics

5 Comments:

davita said...: Thank you for sharing your post. A similar thing happened with a family member. "Responsible" child, extremely intelligent, independent [traveling around the world alone to ski competitively], polite, respectful. He ended up throwing a HUGE party while the parents and siblings were out of town. Alcohol, drugs [prescription and recreational], sex, lots of cash. It was a big mess. There were lawyers involved and everything.

I used to do therapy with emotionally disturbed boys. Most of them were wards of the state, but there were a large number of boys who the wards referred to as the "spoiled brats." Kids who given every opportunity and privilege but without ANY boundaries or accountability to the point that their parents had absolutely no control over them and ended voluntarily placing them into behavioral treatment facilities.; July 13, 2009 at 4:48 PM
Tasha said...: Thanks for your post. I'll have to remember that family cyber program when we have kids...we all know technology and communication is just going to explode in the coming years.; July 13, 2009 at 7:14 PM
ClosewithKathi said...: Davita, I want to get across the message that these situations are NOT a result of being spoiled. I don't want anyone to fall into the trap of believing it can't happen to them. In our situation, kids of all walks of life were participating. It has nothing to do with having too much money... just too much freedom.

My oldest is a straight A student who carries a job and is on a strict budget for clothing/play. He has been the lead guitar for both worship services and youth. He truly has a heart for God and was already struggling with himself. I am fortunate that nobody was hurt and he has made some wonderful changes in his life. I share these facts to show that ANY child, no matter how they are raised, can succumb to the temptations of their peers. I would compare it to a mob mentality.; July 14, 2009 at 7:46 PM
davita said...: Kathi,
I understand your position and I wasn't trying to assert any type of judgement. I used the term "spoiled brats" because to the children who are in treatment due to abuse and neglect and lack of resources, the children who are in treatment who HAVE parents and are voluntarily placed do seem like "spoiled brats" to them and they call those kids "spoiled brats" for that for that reason.

I know that the bottom line is having too much freedom. I grew up with a very absent mother who had to work double shifts 6.5 days a week to support us, BUT she was always on top of me, always involved, always knew where I was. And even though she was absent, I stayed out of ANY type of trouble because of this. I had plenty of friends (wealthy and poor) who were doing really bad things and their parents never knew where they were.

I do believe that too much freedom AND access to "money" compounds the "too much freedom" issue. I don't ever claim to be an expert but I do have a B.S. in Human Development and Education and I spent years doing therapy with children and their families. I am well aware that these situations can happen to ANY child and I hope that other people are aware of this fact. In my experience, having too much freedom and money throws a completely different flavor to the problems you end up seeing in the same age group of children.

I apologize if I offended you or upset you, that was not my intent.; July 15, 2009 at 1:37 PM
ClosewithKathi said...: Davita, You didn't offend me at all. I was trying to express that I was one of those parents who thought the spoiled kids were the problem. Here I am with a set of my own, wondering how we got where we are.

This kind of dialog is important so others see how human we are and how vulnerable THEY really are.; July 15, 2009 at 5:27 PM

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Monday, July 13, 2009

Teens - Children Trapped in Big Bodies

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