Things Our First Month In Have Taught Us...

We are three weeks in. Really? Only three weeks?! Truly, it seems like months at least. Everyone has told us about how quickly this goes by, and I am sure eventually we will look back and say that it did, however, that is not today!

These are the lessons that we and I have learned so far…

      We are different. Out of the class of 125, there are less than 15 that are married. There are less than 10 that attend religious services of any kind regularly. I myself am 6 years older than the average student in his class. We don’t really have a whole lot in common with many of the students. Orientation parties that start around the time we usually both get in bed with our books till we get sleepy made that very clear. Our books and pillows were far more enjoyable in our eyes, and probably their sore, red eyes the next morning. 

     My outlook on this process is different than his family's. Let's be frank, family are bystanders, and we are in the thick of it. At White Coat Ceremony, parents were beaming, his own parents were crying tears of pride. I cried, but it was later, one tear, because of something that was said to me by one of his family members, whom I love very much. His Dean is a very nice lady who was the wife of a med student before she was a med student herself, and said that being the wife was harder than being the student. As a wife, you are waiting a lot, having your life thrown upside down with no control and just trying to hold it all together. I was expressing by relief to hear that one of the Deans understood and how it was refreshing, and this family member told me that my attitude would cause a divorce. I was going to cause a divorce simply because I said it was going to be hard at times. I let one tear go, and avoided her the rest of the evening. It was still a fun day, and exciting to see him get his coat, but let's face it, family will support you, but they are not going into this the same way a spouse is. They can't know or ever really understand what I am going to go through as a spouse anymore than they can understand what he will go through as a student. It's easier to empathize with the student you are so proud of though at times than it is the spouse at home doing the dishes, and making the paycheck to make it all so. For parents and family, White Coat is about pride and reminiscing. For the student and spouse, it is some of that, but also the closing of a chapter of life and their marriage and a total change. They won't get it, and you have to get that.

      Studying for medical school is a different animal altogether.  8-10 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I think as he gets more acclimated, it will get better, but is has been a bit of an adjustment for both of us.  The days of him studying while watching football all day are gone, so at least there is that. 

      We are a special kind of broke. I say we are a special kind, cause there isn’t a whole lot of ways to improve our situation and we know it won’t change for a very long time. In fact, if it does, it will probably get tighter. We cut corners where we can, but still have to live. Prioritizing is key. I’ve decided we should stop eating. Considering I am very hypoglycemic, that should last about 3.5 hours. Dangit, I am hungry.

Sex is important. Ooooo that’s right, I said it. I have always been a little insatiable according to my husband.  We both waited a loooooong time, (just shy of 29 years for me) so we have not been ones to take that area of marriage for granted. However, now it has become a way to feel far more connected to him when he has been so busy. That time in the bedroom is more bonding than twice that watching TV.  Don’t deny yourselves or them, ladies. It will keep you closer, more secure feeling and can you think of a better stress reliever? Remember, just like prioritizing money, it is about prioritizing your time and each other. Besides, talk about cheap entertainment... 

       I am apparently THAT mom. We don’t have kids yet, but I am already THAT mom. I took him to school the other day wearing my PJs, hair a mess and hadn’t brushed my teeth. A construction worker pulled out in front of me at the school and nearly caused us to crash. I wanted to go to the foreman I saw and complain. I was asked by DH to please not embarrass him. See, I am THAT mom.  No children required.

All-in-all, it isn’t too terrible. Do I miss him sometimes? Absolutely. Does hearing him explain the details of all the horrible ways you can die based on what he learned that day become a bit overwhelming at times, and make me doubt my meal, having children, or leaving the house? Oh yeah. Do I wish I didn’t have to ration money to buy seeds to plant in the garden and look for the perfect intersection where Pinterest and what’s in the house meet for possible DIY Christmas gifts? You betcha.

That all being said, some cool stuff has happened too. We are more excited for time together. We really think about what matters to us (and for DH it is the more expensive bread at the store instead of a movie). We learn to sacrifice more for each other, whether it’s me keeping everything going so he can study, or he deciding that the extra hour of studying won’t probably make a huge difference on that test, but may make a huge difference in my day.

Our marriage doesn’t look like it did a month ago, but in a lot of ways it looks better.