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Lives of Doctor Wives: I am above my circumstances.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I am above my circumstances.

It can be a huge challenge while Dr.H is in medical school and residency to live the way we live, being the way we are. Most of the Dr. Wives I know not only have their college degrees, but have gone on the get advanced degrees such as a master's degree or law degree, or some other type of advanced education.

It only makes sense that we are highly educated, intellectual women because we married men who value education as well.

This being said, it can be difficult emotionally, while in these years, when we are waiting in the overfilled medicaid clinic with our sick child, or buying food with WIC vouchers and/or food stamps.

I want to scream - "I want you all to know, I don't belong here! I'm not here because I dropped out of high school and have 3 kids from 3 daddies. I'm here because daddy is a doctor and we are all sacrificing for his education!"

"I am above my circumstances"

"I am above my circumstances"

Can get that as a bumper sticker on my falling apart car? Can I put it on a hat like Frank Rossitano on "30 Rock"?

No, I will suffer through. I will make extra money when necessary dealing Black Jack, dressing as Dora the Explorer or a Carebear at Walmart. I will do surveys for Marlboro at gay bars. I will hand out Viva paper towel samples to people who push it away and say, "I'm good" (who doesn't need paper towels any way?) I will make my kids wear pants that are too short and get the discounted lunch. I will do what I must for my husband to get his education.

But I will know that I am above my circumstances.


Blogger Jaidi Clayton said...

WOW! Thank you for posting this! It is hard to believe that someone else feels this way! This week especially has been rough for me, as we have run out of money again this month and it is only the 9th...It will be interesting to see how we can buy food the rest of the month. Thanks again!

November 9, 2010 at 2:08 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Dawkter said...

(Hugs to you)

November 9, 2010 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger Desiree said...

WOW! Thanks for saying what I have so often felt.

November 9, 2010 at 2:45 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

Stacie - I just love you, and I feel the same way. We are on all that government assistance, too, only I bust my ##$ from 7:15-5:30 wiping butts, potty training, cleaning snotty noses, and endlessly tying shoelaces and zipping up jackets for 12 kids - of which only 2 are mine, so that I can stay home and we aren't broke. I like the teaching part, and I honestly DO love kids, but 85% of what I do is glorified babysitting, and it makes me lose my sanity at times. And that doesn't even include all the after hours prep work or advertising I have to do to keep my business running...all as a single mom most of the time.

Somehow we found excellent deals on houses and cars, and live in an area where money goes farther. I feel blessed in that respect, but I always think, will I always have to work this hard? Is there ever going to be a time when I get to just sit back and ENJOY life, and be pampered for a change!? I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but with next year at the beginning of yet another new phase of our lives (residency), it is difficult!

November 9, 2010 at 3:00 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Thank you for posting this! I feel the same way!!!

November 9, 2010 at 3:13 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

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November 9, 2010 at 3:21 PM  
Blogger Elissa said...

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November 9, 2010 at 4:14 PM  
Blogger K said...

I don't really understand this post. We live in NYC and are both students and we still are able to feel not hard done by. Plenty of people live on 40 000/year. 60,000/year would be above average. I suppose it is children that make the difference?

We don't pay for cable -- we got bunny ear antennae so it's free.

November 9, 2010 at 5:06 PM  
Blogger Mandy, The Mother of All Chaos said...

Surveys for Marlboro at Gay Bars? Hm- never tried that! ;0)

November 9, 2010 at 5:24 PM  
Blogger Beth Hollenbeck said...

Thanks for the post! I needed to hear something like this since the trend in the residency program my hubby is in is...our mommy & daddy take care of us and pay for whatever it is we want. It seems I am the only one (in a 5 year program) that works, cleans my own house, takes care of my kids, mows my own yard, runs my own errands and saves for something I want. The saving rarely happens, as does the something I want, since we live to the very last penny each month! :)

I always remind myself that working this hard and not relying on my parents or in-laws to pay for everything (most of which is not necessary)will make me very proud someday. It already does. We will look back and say WE did it. Plus, doesn't it give us something exciting to look forward to?! Not that material things and money matter most - comfortable would be nice - but, being able to not buy food at the dollar store! That will feel amazing! If someone else is already buying those things for you will you ever be satisfied and proud of your accomplishment?

Anyway...a lot of the times I feel like an oustider here and that the rest of the group certainly isn't living the true resident lifestyle. And don't get me started about being forced to live in the south ;) It's nice to know what we are dealing with is NORMAL! Thanks for the post!

November 9, 2010 at 6:40 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

Let me preface this by saying I know this is a rant and a place to blog things we wouldn't actually say out loud...but I found this post pretty offensive. I think it only reinforces the stereotype that physicians are elitists. You keep saying you are "above your circumstance" - what you're really saying is "I'm above poverty" or really when we get down to it "I'm above all these under educated poor people". Yes, it's hard not having a lot of money. I know! But I don't think we should make ourselves feel better by degrading others. Not all people who use food stamps are undereducated with multiple baby daddies. My hope for my family, is that whether we make $30,000 or $300,000 a year, we would treat all people with respect - regardless of social class, income, or level of education. Now that's my rant for the night. :)

November 9, 2010 at 9:56 PM  
Blogger Melisa said...

K - Besides all of the things kids need, you also need more space. Which means your rent usually goes up. A lot. Just a thought. :o) And now that my boys are getting older (8 and 7) there are days they eat more than my hubby combined. haha!

Just my thoughts, you never know the circumstances that have brought people to need assistance. I hope everyone using it is able to have the help they need to better their future. But the truth is, we don't know what the person next to us has experienced, what life has dealt to them. Maybe they were millionaires before their child got terminally ill and it took all of their money to pay for medical bills. You really just never know.

November 9, 2010 at 10:49 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

This post might be more powerful if it weren't trying so hard to be elitist, while being littered with many misspellings and grammatical errors.

November 10, 2010 at 8:03 AM  
Blogger Adriana said...

hrough med school to this year, last year of OB/GYN residency there have been multiple times we weren't sure how we were going to swing the bills or make sure our kids had something to open on Christmas. We got our first contract offer this week and the figures listed is part of our light at the end of the tunnel. For 12 years we have been working towards this. Not just the paycheck but to buy a house and all of the other things that we have been waiting to have and do. We are not extravagent people...we just want to not have to worry about every last penny. The light is coming just hang in there. Someday you will look back and remember how hard you worked and continue to appreciate what you will then have.

November 10, 2010 at 8:47 AM  
Blogger Jenni said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

November 10, 2010 at 11:28 AM  
Blogger davita said...

I want to scream - "I want you all to know, I don't belong here! I'm not here because I dropped out of high school and have 3 kids from 3 daddies. I'm here because daddy is a doctor and we are all sacrificing for his education!"

There is no discrediting the immense sacrifice families have to make during medical training, but this statement right there, takes away any sympathy anyone might have for your situation.

My husband is a PGY4, our kids are 9, almost 6, and 2. We've had kids since we were in undergrad. For over 7 years we have lived 2000 miles from family. I am a SAHM. My stepdad was unemployed, not by choice, for 6 months last year. My brothers are 11 and 14. It has been hard for them. Trust me, I know what it is to sacrifice for this seemingly neverending journey. But that does not make us better than other people. We are not above our circumstances, just because our husbands are going to be doctors. Not all people who have to be on welfare are as you described. Many of them are just trying to get by and are doing the best that they can and it pains them to have to be in that office just as much as it pains you. Except that in a few years, your husband will be a doctor and all those times that you had to wait in those lines will be a mere memory for you, while for those other people, if they're lucky, they'll have a decent stable job that gets the bills paid. And there is no shame in that. As long as you are working hard and doing the best you can, you should never be made to feel that you have to tell yourself and others that you are "above your circumstances." How can you ask for sympathy/empathy when you yourself appear to be incapable of doing the same?

November 10, 2010 at 11:47 AM  
Blogger Jenni said...

I found this to be an incredibly insensitive and offensive post. Simple as that.

November 10, 2010 at 11:57 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

Alright... I'll be honest I found this post to be offensive only because of this comment, "It only makes since that we are highly educated, intellectual women because we married men who value education as well"... I don't have a higher education. I have my associates and stopped at that so I could work while my Fiancé is in medical school. I did this so that we could still live in our nice house and have cars to drive... Oh and Miss Educated it *sense, not *since

November 10, 2010 at 1:16 PM  
Blogger TheFamousStacie said...

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. It was not my intention. I am a terrible speller; I can own that.

By saying, "I am above my circumstances" does not mean that others are not above theirs!

Our circumstances do not define us. They do not define anyone.

November 10, 2010 at 2:25 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

Stacie - I know what you are trying to say, and I know you, and I know your intentions were not what these ladies are trying to make them out to be. If it came across that way, and they are offended and think ill of you, then don't even give that a second thought. I am always putting my foot in my mouth unintentionally. Sometimes things just don't come out they way I heard them in my head. Apparently some of these ladies have never had that experience.

I must have been misinformed about this blog. See, I thought it was a forum to vent how we are feeling, and that other people in similar circumstances would be supportive. Obviously, we may not all be feeling the same way at the same time, or even ever, but that doesn't mean we can't be supportive. I will make sure I never post for fear I would be attacked and just plain out insulted as you have, my friend.

P.S. There are several documented people who have genius level IQ's and can't spell, even educated people.

November 12, 2010 at 2:34 PM  

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