Lives of Doctor Wives – Not Just Another Facebook Group

It all started when I was teaching 5th grade and a parent told me about this "group of doctor wives" on Facebook. Her husband was just finishing up residency at the time. They have three kids, and she clearly knew the hardships of the medical journey. I remember she told me how a fellow LDW member had gone out of her way to check out a rental in the city they were headed to for fellowship. I remember thinking to myself, "Yeah, ok. We'll probably never be in a position to need that." But I wanted to join the group anyways.　

LDW Facebook group soon became my new addiction. I was caught numerous times sitting on the couch, snickering or dropping my jaw at something I was reading on LDW. My husband would say things like, "Are you on LDW again?" No, I'm STILL on LDW. "What are they saying?" You wouldn't understand. "Why don't you come hang out with me?" Because there's a juicy debate going on! Or because I'm learning how to potty train our children we don't yet have.

Fast-forward to three years later, and I found myself searching for places to live where we matched. (But please note, prior to submitting our match list we had to poll the wives about how to rank our top 3.) I was now the one having Facebook conversations with a fellow LDW member regarding rentals in our soon-to-be residency city. She sent me links and information on rental options, along with the ins and outs of the city. Then she shared a coworker's contact information whom was planning to move out of a rental home. We traveled almost 7 hours to search for the perfect rental that we would bring home our first child to later that fall.　It was a stressful time, as most rentals were being swiped up before we could even make our scheduled appointments. None of the homes we viewed were going to work out for us, except for the last one. It is the last one that a LDW member shared with us. It had not even been advertised as a rental. I sit in that very home right now, writing this! I'm not quite sure what we would have done had we not had this as an option.

Moving to a new city for intern year hundreds of miles away from anyone you know IRL (in real life-LDW lingo) is tough. Add on being pregnant to that mix, and things become even more challenging! Just one month after moving and getting settled in, I went into premature labor. This involved a multi-week hospitalization. Having no friends IRL yet, guess who was kind enough to bring me outside food several times? Yup, two LDW members　I hadn't even met yet. Definitely a one-of-a-kind first impression when you're sporting a hospital gown, haven't showered in days, and cannot walk because you're so drugged. I must have sent a message that I was pretty desperate when one friend chose to deliver me fresh produce I'd begged for. The crosswords and magazines were much appreciated, as well! Our first date in the hospital must have went well. We are still friends today!

When I went into labor at 32 weeks pregnant, one of the first things I did in the hospital was consult "the hive" for success stories of babies who were born around that gestational age. I was overwhelmed with the amount of responses I received. Wives were private messaging me their cell phone numbers if I needed someone to talk to. I heard success story after success story that helped put my mind at ease. Our son ended up waiting one more month before making his appearance, and everything turned out okay. For awhile, though, we weren’t sure what was going to happen. When we arrived home, I was further blessed by other doctor wives whom I hadn't met in person or only briefly met. We received baby gifts in the mail and in person from fellow LDW's. It was so nice to know that they were thinking of us and excited for the arrival of our little one. Nothing can fulfill the desire I had to be close to family during the birth of our first child, but the extra sentiments I received certainly helped.　

I am writing this simply to express my thankfulness for this online community. Although I may not be as active as I'd like to be in the FB group, I've certainly gained a lot through its existence. The medical journey is unique, and it is difficult to find other women who understand. It's even harder to find women who can give advice when we need it since they've been here at one point. And let's face it, LDW can be a good dose of entertainment! I think we all know why he begs me to "get off of your phone and spend time with me." He's jealous he doesn't qualify to become a member, nor have a group quite like this one.　

If you are a LDW member and reading this, thank you. Thank you for listening to me cry over spilt milk. Thank you for your opinion on which outfit looks better on me. Thank you for sharing your embarrassing stories to make me laugh when I need it most.　Thank you for all the tips and tricks regarding parenting and being a doctor’s wife. But most importantly, thank you for joining LDW to help connect me with friends and resources for a lifetime!

 By Kristen Maxfield