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Lives of Doctor Wives: One Lonely Lady

Monday, September 23, 2013

One Lonely Lady

I'm a social butterfly.  I love being around people...I love socializing.  My husband does not.  But we've always balanced each other out.  Except for this thing called medical school.  I never imagined medical school could be so lonely for a mom of 3.
We moved to our new state and had about 3 weeks before school started for him.  We had so much time as a family, time we hadn't had in years!  Then orientation starts and his schedule is filled with 'mandatory' barbeques (student only), 'mandatory' ice cream socials (student only), 'mandatory' burgers and bowling (student only), 'mandatory' this and that...(student only).  It felt that after WE worked so hard to get here, WE spent hours writing and re-writing essays, WE had this as a goal together, the WE was suddenly forgotten and it turned to a (student only.)  Not by my husband...but that was just how it worked.  (There was one family BBQ...one we were out of town for...my brother got married!) We had moved away from all our friends and family and I knew no one
I'm sure I'm not the first wife, girlfriend, fiance, or significant other to have felt lonely as the medical school year began.  But I wasn't prepared for just how lonely I would feel.  My husband would come home from his 'mandatory' fun events telling me all about who he met and how he met some nice people and how fun it was....and I could tell him about the monstrous fit our baby threw, or how the oldest two have fought for 2 hours, or how I'd cleaned the toilets and done 3 loads of laundry.  It felt like such a crappy trade off!
We are now almost 3 months into medical school....and it has gotten better. I got a job. We have an amazing spouse group here that offers everything from a baking club to a book club to even cocktail club!  There are so many opportunities to get involved...and if you can't find one that interests you..then you make one up!  I recently scheduled a Pizza Social at a local pizza joint.  I work as a teacher so as much as I wanted to go to baking club at 10:30 on a Friday morning, I just couldn't.  I put myself out there and put that Pizza Social on the calendar...and the most amazing thing happened.  People showed up!  It was that easy!  I was able to meet some other wives, have some adult conversation...and discover that I'm not the 'only' wife out here who is probably feeling lonely too.

The point of this...take the chance and check into the spouse group at your school.  If there isn't one...find out how to start one.  It can be as simple as a Facebook group or as big as you want it to be.  I'm so thankful for the Complements Club here...that's what we are...we complement our students.  Although I haven't gotten the chance to get to know many of the spouses yet (we are only almost 3 months in) I'm sure I will.  And when you're far from family and friends...you learn to rely on those around you who are in the same boat.  This is a journey that no one can understand unless you live it...and our club has 100's of people who understand! 
If you are new to a school...ask around..or have your student ask around...many schools have huge and established spouse groups that are probably looking for someone just like you to add to their membership!  Chances are if you are wanting to join there are other people just like you there too!



Blogger Leighya M said...

I am glad to hear other wives/significant others feel the same way I do. You don't know how many times I've thought about going home for a while just to clear my head and get back to the old me. I can't remember how many times a cried and was super irritable within our first few months here. I totally agree with this post get connected with other wives either in person or online or even both! I have recently started attending the Better Halves meetups and its great to have a support system. Hang in there all my fellow MS1 wives.

October 1, 2013 at 5:50 AM  
Blogger Kanesha Strom said...

That is wonderful that there is a spouse group there! What city are you in?

October 3, 2013 at 12:34 PM  

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