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Lives of Doctor Wives: Professionals

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


(Inspired by the last quiz)

In the past, R has asked me if part of the reason I wanted to marry him was because he'll be a doctor. My answer is, "well, sort of". You see, I always sort of figured that I'd marry a professional because I wanted someone a) smart and b) who had a steady job because I want to follow numerous career paths. Doctors fit that bill, but I never really saw myself ending up with a doctor. Life sciences don't really interest me and the training is so intense.

I really thought I'd end up with an engineer. I really like calculus and what I remember of physics, and 3 of the 4 guys I dated in college were engineering majors. R actually went to a very good engineering school for undergrad and was even a chem-e major for a short period of time. However, we know which road he ultimately chose.

My favorite type of professional, though, is attorney. I've only been around prosecutors, judges, public defenders, and BigLaw attorneys (no ambulance chasers), so perhaps my perception is skewed in favor of lawyers. However, I think they're hilarious. They're nerdy yet cultured. They read and have a good balance of arrogance and humility. So shout out to all the attorneys out there - you're my favorite.

My least favorite, no surprise, is investment banker. I have a number of really good friends who are investment bankers but on the whole the stereotypes exist for a reason. I will always think of investment bankers as those skeevy guys in bars hitting on girls a decade their junior as they hide their wedding ring in their pockets.

So, I'm curious how my fellow doctor wives feel. While having someone to diagnose you for free is great, if you were to just be around one type of professional, which would you prefer?



Blogger Tasha said...

I guess I'm completely different. I've grown up wanting to be a doctor so I thought it made best sense if I married a doctor so that I could live vicariously through him when kids come. Yet when it comes to general personality, I would have to say lawyers. The way they learn to speak so intelligently and to choose their words would probably be pretty good for a marriage (but maybe bad because they'd pick apart your words).

While dating, yes, the prospect of him becoming a doctor is appealing. He'd be smart, have a steady job, and you'll never hurt for money (when he's done with school:). But when we were dating, I had no idea what it takes to be a doctor's wife. It's hard, but I love him anyways.

May 12, 2009 at 9:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Granted I am only seriuosly dating a med student soon to be resident but I never thought I would end up with a doctor per se. I am getting my PhD in Immunology and I spend a LOT of time in the lab and I am very ambitious and always wanted a significant other who would A) not be threatened/annoyed by that because B) they'd ideally be doing the same thing.

While I knew I wanted someone with a busy schedule I always liked guys who were well read, and knew a lot of poetry (always dated Eng Lit/Philosophy majors in college and a little after). I am so lucky to not only be with a guy who majored in English and then went on to Med School, but also can understand what I do-- so I get the best of both worlds!!

May 12, 2009 at 11:03 AM  
Blogger Kathi Browne said...

I'm so opposite! I was raised believing I would be the smart one - the career professional. I worked hard clinmbing the ladder (in technologies) and planned on marrying a man who would be a part-time househusband. When I met M, I had to struggle with the fact that his career would trump mine, and more importantly - he was smarter than me. Love conquers all, and so here we are glad we said "I do."

HOWEVER... The day my husband graduated from medical school was a day I'll never forget. We had grown close to several other couples during medical school, and we had all gotten married within a year of each other. So when I raised my wine glass and toasted, "well, ladies... we made it," I didn't expect what came next. Apparently, two of the wives who I thought were my friends began to gossip about how I had just revealed I was a gold digger celebrating being marrying a doctor. I was crushed. I said cordial (and final) goodbyes to each of them as we parted for residency, realizing they didn't know me as well as I thought they did. I wonder how many doctor wives turn on each other to cope with accusations they fear? I'm still sad I lost such close friends that day. Of course, I heard that two of the three couples are divorced now and I don't know about the third.

May 12, 2009 at 11:56 AM  
Blogger Married to a med student - Marissa Nicole said...

Hmm - I never thought I'd marry a particular profession, I just knew I wanted someone who was intellectually on the same level as me (not above or below me). But when I had decided to go to law school (shortly before I met my husband) I was definitely open to the thought of being the main bread winner and marrying someone who was willing to be the househusband...
And as far as being married to my husband part of me is glad that are both "dumb" in eachother fields, this way neither of us feels "smarter" than the other one - our minds just work differently, and it also helps because we are able to bring fresh perspectives to eachothers problems in their fields (for example when he complains about the attitudes of patients I bring him the patient's perspective).
We will DEFINITELY celebrate the day he becomes and M.D. and not for the prestige it brings but for the hard work that he (and we) have done. Especially because I know the next road will even be harder and it is important to acknowledge each little victory and celebrate life!

May 12, 2009 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger Alexandra said...

This is so funny! I never thought about what profession my husband would be in, but knew that God would bring the right man along and it wouldn't matter what he did or what he looked like. Growing up I always wanted to be a doctor, but since I can't even see my own throw-up without throwing up, I ruled that out quickly, so it's fun that Tom is a doctor and I get to enjoy all the fun stories and experiences through him.

May 12, 2009 at 6:03 PM  
Blogger Leah said...

Honestly I didn't care what my future husband did as long as he was someone with a future. Someone jobless who had no direction in life was a total turn off for me. I wanted someone who enjoyed the same things I did and didn't mind that am a total dork. Before I met my boyfriend I always joked that I would love to meet a surgeon. I like my me time and that way I could have a wonderful mate, but not always have to see him (I guess a pilot would have worked too) Be careful what you wish for is now my motto. Somehow I ended up dating a med student who ended up going for general surgery, (fate biting me in the tush) and while I love J to death and don't want anyone else, I would shy away from dating a doctor if I ever had to date again (hopefully that wont happen) If I had known how much I would miss him, or how it would sometimes feel lonelier in the relationship than out, I would have never said those things. I don't think all the money in the world could make up for the times I miss him.

May 12, 2009 at 7:59 PM  
Blogger MW said...

I guess I should clarify a little... I was definitely groomed to be a professional but decided my interests are too varied for me to be happy with just one career. So, I produced a play a year after I graduated, I've climbed the corporate latter as a legal support staffer, and I'm about to finish my fashion merchandising degree to possibly work in that field. I also hope to be involved in local politics and perhaps dabble in real estate. A true aquarius with my feet planted firmly in the air, it just seemed like it would be practical for me to end up with someone in a more set career. :) Not necessarily big-money-set-career, just that steady + smart + driven tends to lead to professional careers.

After dating a couple dummies, I realized how important it was for me to be with someone smart. As it turns out, I really like that R and I are smart in different ways. It makes for a nice balance and less competition.

I was just musing after the "it doesn't matter what he does" response what profession I had imagined myself ending up with. And my fondness for attorneys only grows as an associate does something goofy or an old equity partner asks for help printing a spreadsheet or a young partner drops by to discuss the latest opera he caught at the Met. I'm just really glad I spend my days around attorneys. (But I also appreciate spending my evenings and nights with my almost-doctor!)

Kathi - that's awful that your "friends" responded that way! It took me a few seconds to even understand how they made that connection in the first place. My fellow student spouses and I see medical school as a bit of a team sport, so that toast would definitely be readily accepted. :) In fact, one of my friends has a present picked out for herself upon graduation. She may also be reading this...if so, hello!

May 12, 2009 at 9:05 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I never imagined I would one day be marrying a doctor. I came from a small, rural town where great job opportunities were scarce. Much of my high school class was ambitious and smart, but the best guys were all taken. I didn't date much, and when I did, I somehow found myself with unambitious slackers (probably because of my own lack of good self esteem at the time). I sort of fell for some of the same kind of guys in college, until I finally decided I'd had enough and took a much needed break from dating. It wasn't long after that when meet my husband, who happened to be the roommate of my best friend's boyfriend! B wanted to be a doctor from the very beginning, and I think I was just wowed by how intellectual, funny, and ambitious he was (and still is). The fact that he did it and persevered is a major turn on for me. Really, he could have decided to do anything in life. The fact that he had a dream and stuck to it is what I love most about him.
I've found, lately, that I really enjoy being around creative people: people in the film industry, writers, musicians, artists, storytellers, gamers (people who play role-playing games are super creative), and my sewing teacher. My group of friends has really expanded because of our constant moving during my husband's medical training. Being around so many artists/creators has helped me find ways to express myself creatively. If my husband had decided to become an actor, I think I would have totally stuck it out with him through that lifestyle, as well. Of course, he DID act in a few plays/musicals in high school and college, so I guess I married an "actor" after all! ;)

May 12, 2009 at 11:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! This is crazy! I feel like I didn't plan at all. Truth be told, my husband and I have been together since I was 16. I can tell you I never planned to "marry" a doctor at that time. We just grew up together. I knew early on that he wanted to be a doctor and he started college the year we started dating. It did not quite process at that point though. By the time it did, it would not have mattered if he did something else. We were in love. I have never been a career planner either...this is funny because I PLAN everything. Unfortunately my planning has to be passionate and I was never passionate about my career. I went to college and got a BS in math because I loved math...not because I thought about what I might do with a math degree. I remember my husband asking me what I would do with a math major and a history minor. I remember telling him, I don't know...I just like the subjects. I think I was a senior in college at that time. Needless to say, it is a great thing that he was less flighty and more grounded. I guess this is also the reason I feel like we complement each other so much. I can fit into our lives fine because it doesn't bother me that I don't have my own corporate career. I know I have the ability to go back one day with my head screwed on straight if I want a career, but I also know that he loves and accepts me for who I am.

That sucks that your friends did that in medschool. I didn't have the same experience, but I did have some people who I thought were friends who decided not to keep contact from med school. It's crazy because we would talk, visit, playdate and everything several times a month all through med school, and then they just stopped. I don't keep in contact at all and 2 of them still live in the same town. It's funny how we all met through our Alliance (for spouses) and were "thrown" together because none of us had children at the time...and I think we were all just holding on for dear life. I got one really wonderful friend out of the bunch. I bother her at least 1-3 times a week on the phone. She's on here too. :) Hey girl!

May 13, 2009 at 12:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi jenn! when i read what kathi said i immediately thought of you and you know who...it is still strange...anyway

as for what professional i wanted to marry??? how about a professional lottery winner? full-time multi-millionaire? male-model?

*tap tap* is thing on?


cheers, amber

May 14, 2009 at 11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm dying laughing, Amber! Thanks!

May 14, 2009 at 10:43 PM  

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